New Kyoto Post
by Umeko
Summary: aka Choushu Ishin Post The official rebel paper! Katsura's Kyoto Survival Guide! Read & be amused by an alternative take on things. R&R welcome. If Hijikata gets a hold of a copy...
1. Issue 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin. The following fic is inspired by the works of MisBehavin & BabaraSheridan, _The Meiji Journal_ & _Mibu Dispatch Times_.

Got kinda inspired after stumbling across records of secret papers like the _Ladybug_ (kid's publication in Nazi-occupied Denmark) and a commie paper _Malayan Beacon_ that was actually delivered door-to-door during the Malayan Emergency. Yep, they had the balls to leave copies at the gate of the police station.

If the Shinsengumi can churn out their own paper, why can't subversive elements like the Choushu Ishin do like?

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 1_

Welcome to the pilot issue of New Kyoto Post brought to you by Ikeda-ya

Why this paper, you ask? Well, fellow samurai, we have recently heard disturbing reports of bored ronin making a nuisance of themselves due to lack of local knowledge. In addition, a shocking number met their untimely ends in street brawls.

So my friends suggested to me we start a little something to inform our brother samurai from out of town by and increase their odds of surviving the lovely sights and sounds of the fair city of Kyoto.

Kindly desist with the current practice of affixing ads, editorials, employment notices etc. to dead corpses. Only 'Tenchu' notes will be permitted.

We will be accepting advertisements and personal notices. Try and keep it clean as we also cater to the families of samurai. Look out for our advice column, once my colleague manages to persuade a certain someone to be our columnist. Direct all enquiries to the Ikeda-ya front desk.

Let us move forward to a brighter future for our country.

_Chief Editor Ikeda Yori,  
__Average inn-keeper

* * *

_

MURDER INSIDE JOB?

After months of investigation, police have yet to uncover any leads as to the brutal murders of former Shinsengumi Chief, Serizawa Kamo and his cohorts. The late chief and his close associates were found with multiple slash wounds while still in their futons. One can only wonder what manner of coward would attack a sleeping man. Rumors hint at an inside job. We can only conclude that the peacekeeping force is either unable to solve these foul murders, or have a vested interest in letting the perpetrators go unpunished.

* * *

_Kyoto Survival Guide_

_by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff_

You are a young honorable samurai fresh in from the countryside. This is your first time in a big city like Kyoto. However, there are hazards to be aware of in fair Kyoto. You do not want cut down by some common thug in white & blue, do you? Here are some pointers to ensure an enjoyable stay.

Tip 1:

Travel with friends. If you must travel solo, have the address of a reputable inn or hostel. (_Like Ikeda-ya._ Ano… Ikeda-san, your advert is NOT going on the first page. _Gomen_…) If possible, register with the local samurai association. They provide assistance to samurai needing board, meals or travel expenses.

Tip 2:

Be discrete. Getting involved in street brawls may be fun but this is a high risk activity. Even if you survive the brawl, you risk running foul of a particular group of overenthusiastic bakufu dogs. You may be summarily executed. Trust me. There's nothing honorable in having your head displayed on a bench before your fellow tourists to gawk at.

Tip 3:

Avoid unnecessary night excursions. We have the misfortune of being plagued by a pack of so-called peacekeepers whose motto is: _Slay first, Ask questions later._ They are highly dangerous, especially after dark. They should be given a _wide breadth _even in daylight. I will touch more on this particular group in the next issue. If night travel is necessary, be ever alert. Have your swords with you.

This is all for Kyoto Survival Guide in this issue. I look forward to giving out further tips in the coming issues.

As an after-note, I'm pleased to announce that my sister, Umeko, has kindly agreed to dole out advice for your problems from the next issue onwards. Address all letters to _Umeko's Kitchen, Umeya._ Just don't ask her for directions.

Kindly note also, that you shall not unduly harass my sister. _Understand?

* * *

_

_Ikeda-ya Fundraiser Notice_

The Ikeda-ya Traveler's Aid is short on funds due to the recent influx of country samurai. Ikeda-ya's management wishes to remind all more fortunate samurai to donate generously to assist their brother samurai. Ikeda-san was reported as having donated 5,000 ryou to the aid and was quoted as saying: "Wonder if Katsura-san can match that?"

Interested parties can make their donations at Ikeda-ya's front desk. Please note that we only accept ryous. Credit or donations in kind will not be accepted. NO more body-bags!

_-- Ikeda-ya management

* * *

_

_Recruitment Notice_

Want to create a brighter future free of oppression? Have conviction and drive? Join us at YMSA (Young Men's Samurai Association). We are a group of civic-minded samurai seeking to overthrow, er, create a brighter future for all.

Contact us c/o Ikeda-ya

* * *

_Notice_

All samurai who wish to benefit from our Traveler's Aid fund are reminded to register with Ikeda-ya's in-house samurai association. We will assess your eligibility for aid on a case-by-case basis.

_-- Ikeda-ya management

* * *

_

_Personal Ad:_

Katsura, meet me immediately regarding your redhead charge at the usual place.

_-- Okubo

* * *

_

_IMPORTANT NOTICE!_

Family physician Takani Ito requests that certain samurai do not threaten to burn down his clinic. He states that it is his duty as a doctor to treat all patients, whether they are Choushu Ishin or bakufu dogs.

You are reminded not to scare off the _only _certified doctor in Kyoto still willing to treat us… (cough, cough…)

_-- Takasugi (cough)_

_

* * *

_

_Advertisement!_

Ikeda-ya, a reputable inn catering to traveling samurai. Reasonable prices. Edible food. Clean, vermin-free lodgings thanks to our in-house rat-catchers. Rooms offer a scenic views of Kyoto's busy streets and the river. Pleasant surroundings. Excellent in-house security. Our staff is pleasant and polite. We do not cater to the likes of Tokugawa bootlicking dogs.

* * *

_Warning, er, Notice to all guests of Ikeda-ya_

The female, and certain male, staff of the inn requests that guests not force them to engage in activities beyond their stated duties, or face being pinned to the wall by kunai or shuriken. If you should require your needs be met, we are willing to recommend a respectable teahouse in the Shimabara entertainment district.

_-- Akazuki, chief waitress

* * *

_

_Advertisement_

Want a decent meal at reasonable prices? Visit Umeya, a _family-oriented _restaurant. Note that troublemakers will be shown out by our trained staff.

_Employment Opportunity_

Vacancies for able swordsmen in private security positions. Must be discrete. Strong conviction and constitution preferred.

Apply via Ikeda-ya

* * *

**Author's notes: **

Read & Review welcome! More snide references to the boys in blue and white in the next issue. Suggestions welcome! I put this fic in PMK because... well, you'll find out later.

Umeko is an OC,a bit like the Choushu version of Ayu-nee. I took her from one of my other PMK fics _Silent Stars_. The Chief Editor is also an OC. Find out more about them in the later issues.

In case you're wondering, I timed this pilot issue to be just before the start of the PMK anime & about the time Kenshin gets to Kyoto. I will continue it well past the Ikeda-ya incident & include some spoilers from the PMK manga.

Thou hast been forewarned.


	2. Issue 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin. The following fic is inspired by the works of MisBehavin & BabaraSheridan, _The Meiji Journal_ & _Mibu Dispatch Times_.

If the Shinsengumi can churn out their own paper, why can't subversive elements like the Choushu do like?

This issue is released about the time after the first few episodes of the PMK anime.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **An update. More funny stabs at our poor boys. And welcome to _Umeko's Kitchen._

**Hikari: **It's mainly PMK for Issue 1. I did mention Kenshin's boss, Katsura and Takasugi, the guywith TB whoreccomended Kenshin to Katsura. Okubu's from RK. He stopped the fight between Saitou & Kenshin in the Kamiya dojo. Takani is Megumi's family name. There'll be more references to RK and the OVA coming up.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 2_

CHILD-ABUSING SHINSENGUMI!

We bring to your attention a shocking case of child abuse by these so-called peacekeepers. The 10th patrol was seen gleefully trampling a child into the dirt outside the main entrance of their compound. The said child was bringing lunch for his brother who is a slave inside the compound.

The same child was later seen kneeling in the pouring rain outside the gate as a form of punishment. He remained thus for several hours before the vice-chief, accompanied by his woman, brought the child into the compound. No news has been heard since of the child and we fear for his safety at the hands of these bloodthirsty wolves.

* * *

_Notice to members of the YMSA_

Let me remind you that children are our nation's future. As such, members are not to bully, pick on or in any way abuse children. It reflects badly on our association. Disciplinary action will be taken.

Members are also reminded to abide by the rules of bushido and observe good personal hygiene.

On a separate note, we need volunteers to help with our community service at the Mibu Temple Orphanage. Must be good with kids. Bloodthirsty hitokiris will not be considered.

-- Okubo

* * *

_Kyoto Survival Guide_

_by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff_

In this issue, I will name some local hazards, in particular, the Miburou. This group is also known as the Shinsengumi. On patrol, they are easily identified by their blue haoris with the white triangle patterning on theedges of their sleeves. They also wear headbands and have a tendency to swagger in the middle of the street while everyone else watches from a safe distance.

_Tip 1:_ Avoid contact if possible.

_Tip 2:_ Avoid drawing their attention to you. Discretion is a _must_.

_Tip 3:_ If you do happen to encounter them at night, on patrol, DO NOT hesitate to kill them.

Here ends the Kyoto survival guide for this issue as I have some disciplinary matters to attend to. Gomen.

* * *

_Official Notice of Apology_

I, Himura Kenni, sincerely apologize to Okubo-san for chopping down the 300-year-old cherry tree in his garden. I guess I got a bit carried away testing the new sword Katsura-san gave me. To show my deep-felt remorse for what happened, I will be participating in the Mibu Temple child care project in addition to my regular page duties. Gomen.

* * *

_Warning Notice from YMSA_

All members please do not chat up strange but downright sexy women, especially if they make the first move on you. The fair maiden you are trying to court may be a kunoichi or even a male cross-dresser in the employ of you-know-who.

If you try and chat up an ugly weirdo in a kimono, we can only feel sorry for you.

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Need travel rations at a reasonable price? Visit Masuya's Provision Shop. We give special discounts to YMSA members. Ask about our specials today!

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Hajime mashite (Nice to meet you), I'm Umeko, advice columnist. I am a widow of mature years running my own restaurant. Since people have been dropping in on my kitchen for advice, my dear brother decided that I will do better sharing my wisdom through this column. Welcome to the first _Umeko's Kitchen._

If you have really urgent matters to consult me, my kitchen is always open. Use the back door if necessary. I am a busy woman, so let's look at what we have got.

_Dear Umeko,_

_My husband's been ignoring me since he joined a civil group. I've tried everything from sexy kimonos to home cooked meals, but he still insists on attending those infernal late-night meetings. I know it's not Shimabara because he comes back dead tired with torn clothes and smelling of blood instead of perfume. I'm considering embarking on an affair to get his attention. Should I go with the tall, dark and mysterious pipe-smoking bad boy in the corner_?

_-- Frustrated Wife_

Dear Frustrated,

Think of your husband's late-night meetings this way, he's working for a good cause. Start an affair? DON'T! It ain't worth the heartbreak. You can get his attention in other ways. Prepare a warm bath for him on his return, _get _in the bath with him and give him a refreshing massage. Attend to those bloodstains and rips in his clothes. He'll appreciate it.

-- Yours, Umeko

_Umeko,_

_I am a regular at Umeya's. I think you have a great figure for a mature woman. I have a very personal problem with my "family jewels" whenever I see you. Can we meet up at that hole-in-the-wall sake shack tonight? Try to come in something sexy like that off-the-shoulder kimono. Maybe we can- you know…_

_-- I Wanna Know You_

Dear You,

I am flattered by your attentions. I will try to meet you after work with my naginata. Failing that, I will refer your complaint to my younger brother's katana.

-- Umeko

For security reasons, I've decided to lock the back door at night. If you still feel the need to on call me at that hour, get the keys from the redhead page in my brother's employ.

* * *

**NOTICE**

DO NOT harass my sister. You have been warned. She is a respectable widow dedicated to her work with the WAJ (Women's Association of Japan) and her restaurant.--K.

* * *

_Notice by WAJ_

In light of the recent spate of widowhoods in our ranks, we will be having a grief management seminar. Widows, new or otherwise, are strongly encouraged to come down to Umeya's Chrysanthemum Room this weekend. This free seminar is not limited to the samurai class only. We are a non-political organization based on equality.

Donations will be collected for the Mibu Temple Orphanage. Give generously.

* * *

Notice by local security firm

The voted employee of the month, Ba Tou Sai, has been disqualified due to an unfortunate incident in the firm barracks. The new employee of the month is Shishio Makoto. We apologize for any inconvenience caused. The scheduled party in Shimabara will continue in honor of our new employee of the month.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

You guys out there. No more lewd jokes about me bringing home a _stray cat_, or taste my blade. This time it wouldn't be _mineuchi_…

--Ba Tou Sai.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Does anyone know where I may purchase White Plum brand perfume? I lost my last bottle the other day in the rain. Contact me at the Futon & Breakfast. Ask for Tomoe.

P.S. Information about parasol cleaning services will also be appreciated.

* * *

**Author's notes: **

We know what happened to the poor kid in the headline news, right? For those familiar with the PMK anime, Umeko's advice appears a tad belated.

The naginata is long pole with a curved blade at the end, similar to a spear. It is commonly a samurai woman's weapon. Any samurai will have second thoughts when faced with a skilled woman with a naginata.

Mineuchi – a fighting style using with the blunt side of the sword to strike.

Probably that's how Kenshin got the idea for a reverse-edge sword.


	3. Issue 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin. The following fic is inspired by the works of MisBehavin & BabaraSheridan, _The Meiji Journal_ & _Mibu Dispatch Times_.

However, it's not a companion fic in the strict sense as it follows the PMK manga later. San-nan's seppuku & Itou's defection will happen after the Ikeda-ya incident. Sorry, fans of KrazyKio & Saitou's crimson admirer.

If the Shinsengumi can churn out their own paper, why can't subversive elements like the Choushu do like?

SPOILERS WARNING for PMK anime, RK OVA and later PMK manga

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 3_

OFFICIAL YMSA STATEMENT

We have been swamped by very disturbing rumors about what happened the other night. Hence, we would like to clarify what exactly happened.

It was NOT a failed assassination attempt by us on the Shinesengumi vice-chief. We are a community-oriented organization aiming to create a better future for all.

From our understanding, a samurai, we shall call him Yamada, learnt that his wife was being seduced by an unknown man.Yamada then gathered a band of samurai buddies to avenge his honor by beating up the wife-stealing bastard. Unfortunately, it turned out that the bastard was one Hijikata Toshizou; well-known for seducing decent samurai women and innocent pages.

A scuffle followed in whichYamada and his buddies were slaughtered by Hijikata and the Miburou who were shadowing the couple for kami-knows-why. Yamada's wife was mysteriously strangled in the skirmish.

We remind our supporters and their womenfolk that any association with Hijikata or any other Miburou can only end in grief.

-- Young Men's Samurai Association

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Members please take note that in the case of disagreements with other local groups, you are to refer them to our leadership. Our trained professionals will take it from there if need be.

* * *

NOTICE 

The ronin who was found dead of a slit throat in the alley near Masuya's Provision Shop died of an _unfortunate accident _by his own sword and NOT as an example of disciplinary action for his deeds earlier in the day.

-- Spokesperson, YMSA

* * *

_Kyoto Survival Guide_

_by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff_

With the aid of our intelligence network, we have come up with descriptions of certain Shinsengumi members. Avoid them if possible, if not, you know what to do.

Chief Kondo Isami (Chief)  
  
Looks deceptively like a kindly old man.

Hijikata Toshizou (Vice-Chief)

Known as the Shinsengumi Demon. Dark, tall & mysterious appearance. Highly bloodthirsty. Prone to running amok with a sword.

Yamanami Keisuke (Vice-Chief)

Mild-mannered gentleman known as the Buddha... (Ake! You're supposed to demonize him!) Weapon of choice, abacus. A regular in Shimabara. (Right? _wink_)

Okita Souji (1st Captain)

Youngest and handsomest master swordsman in Kyoto… enjoys candies and walking with his so-kawaii piglet. Good with young children and animals. Okita-sama! (Hotaru! Not you too! _Gomen-nasai!_) Highly dangerous but wimpy-looking. Often seen flouncing about town in a woman's yutaka hugging a pig while eating sweets and picking flowers. (SLAP!)

Here ends our Kyoto Survival Guide for this issue. My co-writer has taken time off to engage in an all-out cat-fight, er, discussion with her fellow kunoichi. I hope to continue this column in the next issue.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Business is brisk at Umeya. We have just launched our spring specialty sweet selection. Do drop by and sample them. The letters in are:

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I did something stupid. I drew my katana on a lady who was simply covering me with a blanket out of concern for my health. Fortunately, she wasn't hurt. Sorry just doesn't cut it… how can I get her to forgive me? I don't know how I can ever apologize to her. _

_-- Shin_

Dear Shin,

Yes, you should be more careful with your katana. Try buying her a little gift as an apology or treat her to dinner or a kabuki play. Most importantly, be sincere.

-- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I have a policy of not turning away any patient in need but I am finding it increasingly difficult to live by my chosen life principles. Due to recent political developments, I've been receiving threats to my person and property. Help. _

_-- Good Doctor_

Dear Doctor,

It is often hard to live by one's principles. Personally, I think your policy of treating all patients regardless of their political affiliation a noble aspiration. However, maybe you may want to work out an agreement with your patients. Be careful, we have a shortage of physicians here already.

-- Yours, Umeko

* * *

Personal Notice 

Enough is enough! I'm sick of receiving death threats. Having rotten eggs and paint hurled at my clinic door is one thing, but not what happened the other day! A samurai resembling a respected member of your association, Yoshida, streaked through my yard hollering after a woman in white, _in full view of my innocent Megumi-chan._ For Buddha's sake, leave the children out of it!

DO NOT look for me. I've signed on as an official doctor to the Shinsengumi and moved my entire family to the Shinsengumi compound for safety reasons.

-- Yours, Dr Takani Ito

* * *

_Opening for medical personnale, must be experienced in treatment of serious sword wounds._

_Apply to Takasugi c/o this paper (cough!)

* * *

_

_Advertisement: _

Want to indulge your sweet tooth? We sell a wide variety of Kyoto specialty sweets. All our candies are reasonably priced and we offer gift packaging services for your special someone. Our gift candies will melt even the heart of a demon after you've stolen his haiku book whilst he's taking a bath. Visit Umeya today!

* * *

Personal Ad 

I appreciate the fact that everyone acknowledges my ability to remove stubborn stains from garments. STOP putting your laundry in with mine. I have other page duties besides doing your bloody laundry. _Understand?_ (draws katana)

-- Himura Kenni

* * *

Notice to all hitokiris

Clean up after yourselves! We can understand your need to observe personal hygiene but at least empty the bloody water from the tub before leaving. And don't use the drinking / cooking water to wash up. Show a bit of consideration, will you?

-- Safe house management

* * *

_Advertisement_

Need a new naginata urgently. Broke mine dealing with a baka customer. Contact Umeko at Umeya.

* * *

_Advertisement_

Need new shamisen. Got blood all over mine. (cough, cough...)  
Contact Takasugi c/o New Kyoto Post.

* * *

Recruitment drive for YMSA (Choushu Branch)

Interested parties apply to Yoshida, at Ikeda-ya. Experienced samurai swordsmen preferred.

* * *

**Author's notes: **

We know who's the streaker, do we? Methinks the good doctor will be in for a nasty surprise... Glad Umeko's naginata's well-liked. It'll return to haunt future issues.


	4. Issue 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Here's Issue 4. Please read & review. Suggestions welcome. Of course, this paper doesn't reflect the actual Ishin Shishi or Shinsengumi in any way.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **

We know who's a regular customer at Umeya's, don't we. I liked those pretty Japanese gift sweet boxes I saw at Takashimaya, so I let Umeya launch a similar gift selection. There is a _real Umeya sweet shop _based in Taiwan selling Japanese style candies. It has _nothing _to do with the _Umeya_ in my fic.

One of the best-loved pairs in PMK to put out an ad... Kyoto roofs are haunted? Read on!

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 4_

WARNING & NOTICE!

There has been a marked increase in the number of _tsuji-giri_ killings on our streets in the past week. Majority of the victims were kindly old men and young women in white. _What's our so-called protectors in blue and white been doing?! _We advise everyone to be careful and avoid traveling at night.

YMSA members are reminded not to make any rash moves. All activities must be approved by the YMSA leadership.

On a separate note, the We-Luv-Okita-sama fan club is ordered to cease their foolishness. Young ladies are reminded that it is vulgar to wave _I-Luv-Okita_ banners and fans whenever the Shinsengumi First Patrol is sighted.

* * *

NOTICE

The Kyoto Storekeepers' Guild would like to request that their storefront curtain-poles not be ripped off and used as spears after an incident last week popularized this wanton act of vandalism. Do you have any idea how much those cost to be replaced?!

* * *

Red & Black Ladies' Night!

Members of the Red & Black Lady's Club are to take note of an all-night, all-week exclusive bash near the Ikeda-ya riverfront. You are to bring your shurikens for identification. The dress code is black, head to toe. Trust us when we say it'd be a splash!

* * *

_Kyoto Survival Guide_

_by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff_

With the aid of our intelligence network, we have come up with descriptions of certain Shinsengumi members. Avoid them if possible, if not, you know what to do.

Nagakura Shinpachi (2nd Captain)

Short redhead. Watch out for his under-the-belt attacks, given his lack of stature.

Saitou Hajime (3rd Captain)

Bad-tempered. Pink pudgy appearance. Often seen in the arms of Okita Souji… (Wait! That's the Shinsengumi's pig mascot Saizou, S-A-I-Z-O-U. _Oops. Gomen._) To date, we haven't got a good description of him yet as he tends to kill his opponents. My page is working on it.

Toudou Heisuke (8th Captain)

Skinny appearance. Suspected of child abuse and visiting legal & illegal brothels, including the Boy's Teahouse with his two friends: one short redhead & a large man.

Harada Sanosuke (10th Captain)

Large stature. Uses a spear. Please note that he is a known child abuser and vandal of public and private property. If your height happens to fall below his waist, he'll simply stomp you into the ground.

The other Shinsengumi captains have either been put out of action by an unnamed civil-minded redhead or deserted like the cowards they are. We look forward to bringing you more survival tips.

_Addendum to previous issue of Kyoto Survival Guide_

After much discussion with my fellow editors, we make the following correction regarding the description of Okita Souji. There is no way we get our butts kicked by a pig-hugging, flower-picking wimp. It's bad for our morale.

-- Chief Editor, Ikeda Yori

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Work's a killer. I consider myself blessed that I can still find time to sit down to a cup of top-grade green tea and almond cakes as I attend to your letters. I have only an hour of peace and quiet before my brother returns with his men and I break out the bandages, so LET'S GO!

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_My baka husband got himself gutted by a Miburou swine. I am left with his sick elderly parents, younger kid sisters and two young children to support. If that isn't bad enough, the landlord threw us all out for not paying the rent. What's a poor widow to do?_

_-- Blue Widow _

Dear Blue,

You seem to be facing financial difficulties on top of your loss. Drop by at our local WAJ branch at Umeya. We offer financial assistance and skills-training. Maybe you can consider taking up banner-tailoring or cake-making to supplement the household income. Whatever happens, hang in there. Don't jump in front of any swords!

-- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko, _

_I am a teenaged girl. My father's a leader in the YMSA but I find myself attracted to those bad boys in white and blue, especially a certain gorgeous young captain. I get hot flushes, a racing pulse, sweaty palms and a stutter whenever he's near. Am I sick? I've almost taken to stalking him in the streets. Help. _

_-- Obsessed_

Dear Obsessed,

Hold your horses, gal. According to your symptoms, you are just having a passing infatuation. Don't let spring-fever get the better of you. Why don't you take some time off to sort out your thoughts? Do some volunteer work at the WAJ or the Mibu Temple Orphanage. Never, ever stalk a Miburou! They tend to _Zan_ first & ask later.

-- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I keep seeing strange black shadows flitting about outside my window at night. I get so scared I can't sleep and it's keeping my roommate up as well. What should I do?_

_-- Scaredy-cat_

Dear Scaredy-cat,

From my experience, those shadows are mostly harmless unless you do something to offend them. They haven't hurt you yet, right? If the mere sight of shadows keeps you up, use curtains or a blanket over the window. Wishing you sweet dreams.

-- Yours, Umeko

* * *

_Personal Ad  
_

Contrary to rumors, Master Yoshida is NOT the scumbag Hijikata Toshizou! He is in no way as handsome as my master! My master doesn't streak through doctors' yards! He did not willfully slash any YMSA members on the night of -- We were together all night!

Also, I'd like to apologize for the degrading remarks I made about kunoichi in general. Can you _bitches_ quit putting nails and other pointy stuff in my futon? It gets very uncomfortable for the both of us.

-- Kitamura Suzu

_Reply to Ad:_

_(Sweat-drop) Suzu, D-I-S-C-R-E-T-I-O-N… What part of it don't you get?! Meet me tonight. -- Y.

* * *

_

To Himura

Thank you very much for saving me the other night. Thank you also for the nice box of sweets you gave me. Arigato! -- White Plum Miss

* * *

WANTED: Skilled exorcist to deal with mysterious shadowy figures sighted on roofs. 

Apply to Kyoto Town Council

* * *

**Author's notes: **

Tsuji-giri – a practice where a samurai kills a passerby at random to test his sword.We can hazard a guess at the sudden increase in crime...

Zan -- Aku. Soku. Zan. Shinsengumi slogan. Evil. Immediately. Kill. or kill evil immediately.

Okita's fangirls are loose! Poor Saitou gets mistaken as a pig. Can't resist adding some YoshidaSuzu fluff. The Red& Black Lady's Club is...

As always, R&R welcome. Especially on the advice segment, I'm kinda building that by feel. Need any advice from Umeko-san? Do write in. Suggestions welcome!


	5. Issue 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

More mistaken identity issues. And Saitou's craving for soba...

_New Kyoto Post is _also looking for hot news, scoops etc, drop a letter in the review box & we may publish your article. Any dirt on the Shinsnegumi welcome... this is a Choushu paper.

When writing in to _Umeko's Kitchen_, just remember that she's a woman of that era. Take her advice with a pinch of salt.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 5_

NOTICE TO ALL YMSA MEMBERS

One of our respected leaders, Yoshida, stresses that he is NOT Hijikata Toshizou of the Shinsengumi. Irate husbands, fathers, brothers etc. are requested not to set upon Master Yoshida. We lose too many members unnecessarily that way. Direct your anger and indignation to the _correct_ man.

To look into this problem, we have set up a special committee chaired by Yoshida himself known as the _Miburou. Soku. Zan C_ommittee. The first meeting will be held after our usual teatime discussion on bakufu politics.

On a separate note, ronin with pages etc. are to ensure that their subordinates are on their best behavior on all times and not run afoul of Kyoto's laws. Pages are not to engage in fights with little brats in sword stores, especially if the brat's a redhead loudmouth.

SOBA THEFTS

There has been a spate of mysterious thefts of soba from Kyoto kitchens since the Shinsengumi removed soba from their menu. Eyewitnesses describe the thief as a tall, amber-eyed man in black carrying prayer beads. He is a skilled swordsman, according to an unnamed red-haired night watchman at a local restaurant.

* * *

Notice:

We are pleased to announce that a back-street physician has finally offered her services to us. She is skilled in amputations. Her clinic's at Shack 5, Kyoto slums, next to the morgue. No questions asked & no explanations given. Ask for Kitsu-dono.

-- YMSA spokesperson

_(You guys must be wishing Sensei Takani didn't leave for Aizu now...)_

* * *

NOTICE to the young man/ woman in the white yutaka who has been assisting us in our community project at the orphanage 

We are touched by your tireless efforts to help these unfortunate children but we have to reject your application for part-time volunteer teacher. We regret that we cannot accept an application by _'Sou-chan'_. Kindly give us a proper name and address of residence. Thank you.

-- Mibu Temple Orphanage

* * *

_Kyoto Survival Guide_

_by Vice-Editor Katsura K. & staff_

Today we bring you to the Kyoto pleasure district of Shimabara. There are some tips on partying and still living to see tomorrow. These exclusive tips are brought to you with help from my kunoichi staff and my little turtledove.

_Tip 1: Refrain from too much sake_

Yes, I know it's tough with the pretty gals and the company. If you drink, try not to venture out in case you encounter our overzealous Shinsengumi. You need all your wits about you to survive such an encounter. It's better to pay for a room to pass the night in.

_Tip 2: Use a designated swordsman_

Have at least one or two sober and skilled swordsmen if you must leave at night. They will greatly up your chances of seeing sunrise.

_Tip 3: Visit licensed pleasure houses_

You can avoid contracting embarrassing ailments. YMSA members are reminded to refer to their list of approved pleasure houses.

_Tip 4: Keep a lookout for your naginata-wielding other half_

Remember that harmony and moderation is the key to long life. Married men should never neglect their spouse.

Enjoy yourselves in Shimabara's YMSA approved pleasure houses. If you happen to see any shadowy figures darting around there, well, the sake's got to you. If it were a wolf pack, you'll hear them a mile away. Don't be too surprised if the lady you went to bed with mysteriously vanishes in the night. She's simply powdering her nose in the dressing room. Here concludes our Kyoto Survival Guide.

Advertisement:

Got a hangover from the sake last night? Buy Grandpa Sei's anti-hangover tea. Available at all pharmacies.

* * *

Notice to Guests of Ikeda-ya & our sister inns

After complaints by guests on our in-house black rat-catchers being hard to see on the dim stairs, and several painful incidences of guests getting clawed or tumbling down the stairs as a result of tripping over them, we have decided to switch to white cats for our vermin control. The new cats will be fitted with bells.

_Advertisement_

Got 20 plus black cats need new home urgently. Expert rat-catchers. Contact Ikeda-ya.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Umeya was booked to cater to the Shinsengumi's Community Day! I've spent the better part of a morning stopping over-excited staff from poisoning, er, ruining the meals. The Shinsengumi's in-house cook had been commandeered to cook the prize for the _(bleep) _marathon! Will you believe that? Then some jerk made off with the soba. At least that's over… Since I've tackled my problems, let me tackle yours.

_Dear Umeko-san,  
I can't take it anymore! My roommates seem to think that I'm their housekeeper! They NEVER clean ANYTHING!! They've already proven to me that they won't follow through on their promises if I ask for help. Should I try talking to them, or just Aku Soku Zan? _

--Not-the-maid

Dear maid-san,

Never Aku Soku Zan unless you're sure you can get those pesky red stains off the floorboards later. Try talking to them nicely but firmly first. If this fails, try going on strike. Take a vacation, find temporary lodgings & let your roommates' mess build up about their ears. They'll take the initiative quick enough when rats start nesting in their futons.

-- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My daughter was having a crush on a highly unsuitable ahou. She even joined his fan club! I was very relieved when she left her ridiculous fan club and threw herself into community work at the local orphanage. Then to my horror, she wants to marry a lowly school teacher working there! Should I cut off his head and burn down the orphanage?_

_-- Irate Father_

Dear Irate,

Sigh, it's THAT rebellious stage in every child's growth. So your daughter has decided to take charge of her own happiness and ignore your wisdom. No need to go on a rampage. Think carefully, School teacher or Miburou, who do you prefer as a son-in-law?

-- Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My sensei's been ignoring me! He's also been very busy lately in the YMSA. My brother died last year and I followed my sensei to Kyoto. I have few acquaintances here. Things get awfully lonely at times. I was thinking of keeping a cat in our room, but my sensei refuses to let me as he's allergic. Please help._

_-- Lonely Page_

Dear Page,

Try not to take your sensei's indifference too seriously. You have a life of your own after all. You need to go out and see the world a bit. Get out, take a walk. Keep an open mind and heart. Maybe you will find a friend, especially one your age. It'd be a bonus if it's a girl… (wink)

-- Yours, Umeko

_To my brother K:_ I know the additional ingredients were your idea, or at least your men's. Please take note that I am a professional cook and restaurant owner. I DO NOT poison my customers. Understand? – Your ever-loving neesan.

* * *

Personal Advertisement

STOP using me as a designated swordsman just because I don't drink! I'm sick of having to walk you lot of drunks home after my nightly shift! I'm sick of you throwing up all over me! Blood is already bad enough but vomit's worse! Wait, maybe I can solve your drinking problem permanently…

– Ba Tou Sai

* * *

_Missing Persons:_

I just returned from a long journey and am looking for an old friend and mentor, Ichimura, and his family. Their last known address was a small house in West Kyoto Suburbs. Contact me c/o this paper.

-- Sakamoto R.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Nami, the entertainment for the riverside bash the other night was great! Too bad it ended so soon. I was hoping for something more challenging. Guess he's a bit hampered without that cute kimono and wig. – Ake

P.S. When's the next party?

* * *

_Employment Opportunity: _

Private security firm needs discreet laundresses to deal with stubborn stains and rips in clothing. Apply to Katsura K. via this publication.

* * *

**Author's notes: **

R&R welcome. Kenshin & Saitou have finally crossed paths, sorta. Katsura's little turtledove? Katsura Kogoro had a mistress who's a geisha. She became his wife after the Bakumatsu.

Know who Sou-chan is? Wonder what Okubo's reaction will be if he writes his full name & address on that application. Kitsu-dono's taken from another one of my fics, Forgotten. She happens to hold a day job at the local morgue.


	6. Issue 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming & I'll keep the paper running, at least until the Miburou wise up onto us.

I do refer to incidents in the PMK anime & RK OVA. However I also cooked up some jokes of my own, like a Choushu version of the sword chase.

Ryouma fans rejoice! Ryouma's in town!

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 6_

NOTICE TO YMSA MEMBERS

The YMSA is pleased to inform all members that we have Sakamoto Ryouma here in town to give us a talk on his vast experiences. Sakamoto-san is well-traveled and has a wealth of knowledge. He will be speaking at Ikeda-ya's Red Tearoom. Members are to register soon as places will be limited.

Mr. Sakamoto states that he will not be answering any questions concerning his "ladies". "They are not for sale as they have great sentimental value to me," Sakamoto was quoted as saying while he cleans one of his "ladies". "However, I will greatly appreciate it if someone can tell me where bullets are available."

URGENT NOTICE: YMSA Talk Cancelled

This afternoon's scheduled teatime talk "_Window on the World_" by guest speaker Sakamoto Ryouma will be replaced by "_Bushido: Way of the Warrior_" by Sensei Yoshida.

To anyone who witnessed a chase involving our guest speaker and our sword-wielding vice-editor… you _didn't _see it.

* * *

Odd Happenings in Kyoto

Witnesses reported strange lights at an abandoned temple complex on the city's outskirts. This has fueled rumors that the place is haunted. Local peacekeeping units sent to investigate claimed they were set upon by a monster that appeared out of the mist. Come on, do we really need an exorcist? This paper thinks the local patrol has been hanging about the good old sake shack too often.

In another incident, moths were seen mysteriously disintegrating near the riverside. Nature lovers of Kyoto are alarmed that a mystery disease has afflicted our local moth population. A passerby was heard to murmur something about "darkness".

Is this a sign the end of the Shogunate is nearing?

* * *

Notice by Kyoto Sports Club

Contrary to rumors, chasing someone while waving a sword is not recognized as a sport by our club or any other sports club in Japan. Kendo schools also do not recognize this strange development.

* * *

Sports Editorial: Abacus Marathon?

The Shinsengumi marathon was won by a man on a pair of abacus. Traditional marathon enthusiasts and the Kyoto Abacus Makers Guild are in an uproar. Here are the views of the spokesmen.

_Kyoto Sports Club:_ "It's an insult! It's cheating! They've ruined the purity of the marathon. Long distance sportsmen are to note that such behavior will not be tolerated."

_Kyoto Abacus Guild:_ "We do not encourage the use of our goods in such a manner. Customers found using their abacus in a non guild approved manner (like as sword substitutes or a means of transport) will not be able to claim on their one-year warranty."

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

I won a couple of ryou placing my bets on the outcome of a certain late-night match at the sake shack with my handsome new friend. I knew the red-haired shorty was no pushover. Hey, my brother's page is even skinnier and he fights like a demon. Now to the letters:

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_My sisters and I have a lousy job under an old miser. Not only do we have to serve his customers at his inn, we have to run errands all over Kyoto late into the night. For all the effort we put in, we get no respect at all and are treated like dogs! Should we leave as soon as possible? _

_-- Big Sister_

Dear Big Sister,

Yes, by all means. If you girls need further assistance, I have a quiet room on the first floor of my restaurant. The window overlooks the street. Feel free to contact me at Umeya.

-- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_My fiancé got cut down by a hitokiri. I came to Kyoto hoping to avenge my dead fiancé. But after getting to know the guy who supposedly killed him, I find that, well, he isn't that bad a kid after all. Am I being disloyal to my late fiancé's memory?_

_-- White Plum_

Dear White-san,

Revenge begets only more sorrow. I believe your late fiancé would've wanted you to be happy. That's the proper way to honor his memory. Forget about revenge and start anew. Maybe you will find your own happiness soon. May heaven bless and guide you.

-- Yours, Umeko

(P.S. Does that kid happen to have red hair?)

_Dear Umeko,_

_I can't find my cup of tea anywhere! I was drinking it, then I put it down, and now I can't remember where it is! Do you have any idea where it might be? _

--Forgetful

Dear Forgetful-san,

Do you happen to have an overzealous housemaid/ housekeeper/ page cleaning up after you constantly? If yes, it's in the kitchen. Or you may find your ill-treated page filling it with something you definitely don't want to consume. If no, keep looking…

-- Yours, Umeko

(Nami! Where's that cloth Sakamoto-san tore from his sleeve to tie my elbow with after I fell last night? WHAT!? You threw it away?! Nooo…)

* * *

NEW RULE for Red & Black Club

As of today, all members MUST be certified in their relevant fields of proficiency. Uncertified members must pass a proficiency test to retain membership.

To former member Hotaru, you are hereby expelled for incompetence! Go back to you-know-where for a re-training course before trying to join our club again.

* * *

_Assorted Advertisements_

Bets taken on outcomes of nightly matches at the sake shack. Who will win tonight?Place bets with Nagi by the second watch.

_Covert imports! Interested parties please go to the abandoned warehouse at Yodo Wharf 12. _

Ninja gear sale at Aoiya ramee stall. Open from the first to third watch this week _only_. Pick up kunai, kenpo, shurikens etc at discount prices.

_Sale at Yukio's. Clearance! All goods must go before Yukio and family flee for the countryside.

* * *

_

NOTICE: Match cancelled

The Sake Shack regrets that tonight's match of Red Shinpachi vs Sano the Spear has been cancelled as both fighters have patrol duties to attend to or be seppuku-ed. -- Nagi

* * *

Apology Notice

To my neesan, sorry I called you a shameless hussy and a cheap whore in the busy street outside Umeya. Can you ever forgive your baka baby brother?

-- K.

_To my baka baby brother:_

_Ryouma-kun was only showing me how one greets a lady in the West. You're over-reacting. For kami's sake! It's just a light kiss on the fingers! I'm taking a trip into the countryside until I cool down. I will be taking my naginata along, so don't worry. _

_-- Your neesan, Umeko

* * *

_

Editor's Desk: Latest Update! 

We are pleased to announce that our prudish Vice Editor Katsura has taken leave to look for his missing and definitely lost sister. Finally, we can get to the juicy dirt on yours truly. (_People, you didn't burn those articles like he ordered us to, did you?_)

Our advice column _Umeko's Kitchen_ will be taken over by onetime Employee of the Month, Shishio Makoto, until her return. Your letters will be forwarded to him at the firm where he's employed, so keep writing to _Umeko's Kitchen_.

We deliver to all neighborhoods in Greater Kyoto area.

_-- Chief Editor, Ikeda Yori

* * *

_

**Author's notes:**

Ryouma's refering to his pistols in the headline news. Both Katsura &Sakamoto are swordsman in their own right. Although Sakamoto's a better swordsman than Katsura, he probably has enough common sense not to face him when he's defending his neesan's honor. Sano & Shinpattsan participating insake shack matches, now that's a real reason to be seppuku-ed, maybe they should simply be beheaded.

The Katsura siblings seem to be facing a minor crisis. Umeko has skipped town, so has Ryouma. Oh no! The paper's gonna turn into a cheap mud-slinging tabloid!

Shishio's taking over the advice column. I strongly advise against writing in while Shishio's in charge. If he replies, DO NOT take his advice.


	7. Issue 7

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Thanks for the reviews. New Kyoto Post is treading on dangerous ground concerning Okita & Hijikata. The Battousai thing too. Katsura doesn't want Battousai's identity to be leaked out.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **Shishio is not a walking mummy yet. He got set on fire later on after Bakumatsu. Still, he has a real bad attitude even before they made a human torch of him. So forgive me if he doesn't reply, delays his replies or is downright rude.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 7_

SHINSENGUMI BESTED

The Shinsengumi has stepped up their recruitment drive recently and now we know why.

Last night, Kyoto's elite swordsmen have been bested by what survivors of the fifth Shinsengumi Patrol describe as a mere schoolboy. This mere schoolboy slashed through the Shinsengumi's ranks with such ease, the Shinsnegumi chiefs should seriously consider retirement, or better, _seppuku_. It was understood that the fifth patrol was pursuing some innocent samurai they hoped to frame for subversion when they chanced on the schoolboy.

The identity of the schoolboy swordsman remains a mystery. It's been understood that last night's incident was by no means the first. Neither will it be the last.

* * *

_SPECIAL FEATURE! _

_Shinsengumi Demon's a Child Molester! _

_Exclusive Interview by K.S._

Our brave young reporter, KS, met our contact M (alias) in the sake shack after following a tip-off. A former student at Sheiken Dojo, M trained under Kondo Sr., the father of current Shinsengumi Chief Kondo Isami, the master of Sheiken Dojo. He remembers Hijikata-san from his days at the dojo where he terrorized the younger students. Here is the interview.

_KS: You claim to have personally witnessed a case of child molestation by Hijikata. Will you tell our paper the details?_

M: Well, one day, I was cleaning the walkway outside the training hall when I heard some strange noises coming from inside. I was surprised because all the other students should be out at the spring festival… Then I hear a boy's voice.

_KS: Was it a younger student?_

M: No, I recognized it as belonging to the Kondo's nine-year-old page. He was crying out something like "Hijikata-san… please… don't…" What was I supposed to think? Mind you, they were in the dojo's training hall.

_KS: What happened next?_

M: I tried the door but found it locked. Guess Hijikata_ senpai_ didn't want anyone walking in on them when he's doing you know… to the boy.

_KS: I see._

M: Then Kondo _senpai _came and sent me off. He unlocked the door and shouted real angrily, "Toshizou! You know you're not supposed to!" A couple of days later, I heard that Hijikata gave the boy a sword. You know, an actual good-quality sword. Man, we consider ourselves lucky if he let us juniors get a lunch break.

_KS: Why? _

M: Personally, I think it's to stop the lad from ratting. Payment for 'services'… I believe Kondo Isami was an accomplice. Can I have more sake?

_KS: Another jar of sake for the man! Thank you for your time, M-san. _

Next week! Shinsengumi First Captain seen about the orphanage procuring children for those illegal brothels catering to perverts. Now we know where their funding comes from. Exclusive scoop! We interview the children… how _does _the nice niichan play with them…

URGENT!

_All reporters kindly note that this is not some sleazy tabloid! Ikeda & team, I want you all in my office -- Okubo (pops vein)

* * *

_

YMSA Notice

All members are to remain in their respective quarters and await further instructions as of today. Disciplinary action will be taken against those who willfully disregard this instruction. -- Masuya

* * *

NOTICE: 

Yoshida-san, sorry you're allergic to felines. We regret that we can do little to ease your perpetual sneezing fits due to our in-house rat-catchers. May we recommend a nice feline-free wood yard to you? – Ikeda-ya management.

* * *

Announcement:

The YMSA is saddened to announce the expulsion of Sagara S. due to the fact that he is not of samurai pedigree and thus failed to meet our membership requirements. However, it's been noted that Sagara is an exceptional youth with strong leadership skills.

We strongly encourage him to channel his talents and capabilities to an equality-based youth group catering to our non-samurai youth, something along military lines. Sagara, you may contact Sensei Takasugi for assistance.

-- YMSA spokesperson

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen/ Ask Shishio_

I can't believe I allowed my stinking boss to talk me into this… Write to _Ask Shishio_, not _Umeko's Kitchen_!

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I became friends with this older guy, Sou, after we met at the orphanage where he was helping with the kids. He's like the big brother I never had. He became my regular sparring partner and fellow poetry critic. A few days back, he coughed really bad, I mean like Sensei Takasugi like bad. I rushed him to the nearest clinic. But he bolted with his pet piggy before the doctor came. I saw his patient card. He's Miburou! I have a MAJOR problem with Miburou. What should I do? _

_-- Shin_

Shin

Ah, _Aku Soku Zan_. I suggest you Zan him before he Zans you.

-- Shishio

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm at a loss after my husband got killed in the course of his work. I can't go on!_

_-- Suicidal Wife_

Suicidal,

So? Like we care…

-- Shishio (Oi! I need a proper assignment! Like someone to kill!)

_Dear Shishio.  
__  
Are you a leper? I'll bet you are! I'll bet you just made up that whole getting-burned thing! You gave Umeko your nasty germs so that you could take over her job! Rest assured that this will not go unchecked! Are you going to infect everyone? How will I know if I've caught your leprosy? I feel feverish already! _

--Hypochondriac

Dear Hypo-baka,

Arigato, for getting my name right. I am NOT a leper & I've no idea what you are talking about. We're in the midst of a TB epidemic. I wouldn't be surprised if Umeko caught TB from Takasugi at his shamisen class or that Umeya regular with the pig. Or maybe she caught some exotic germs from Weirdo Sakamoto. Don't worry. I'll arrange to free you from your health worries _permanently_.

-- Shishio (Grabs katana)

* * *

Notice

I, Takasugi Shinsaku, DO give genuine shamisen lessons on Friday nights at the Riverside Inn. Prospective students to my shamisen beginner's class are to bring _actual_ musical instruments, not swords, spears and assorted weaponry. (cough, cough)

For those interested, my other classes are held in that empty field outside Kyoto West suburbs daily except Thursdays and Fridays.

* * *

_Notice from the Sake Shack_

We of the sake shack regret to say that we will be closed for repairs after a pack of wolves rampaged through here after their fifth captain lost 100 ryou. All matches will be cancelled. We stress once again that we are not running an illegal gambling den! 80 percent of local law-keepers are our regular bettors!

– Nagi, Shack Master

Potter Hiko Seijirou, your weekly sake payments are falling behind. Pay in ryous please. We've enough of your pots here.

* * *

_Advertisement:_ Umeya Open! 

Despite Umeko-san's absence, we are still open for business! Ask us about Umeya's Gion Festival specials. Book now as rooms are limited. Watch out for our summer cakes selection!

NOTICE: WAJ members are to note that the grief-management group will proceed with their meetings per normal at Umeya. The banner-sewing course will continue per se.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Before I traumatize anyone, there's a perfectly logical explanation to that dojo incident besides alleged child molestation. Hijikata was giving Souji kendo lessons because Souji begged him to. Kondo's mad because Hijikata was not to give lessons to Souji without Kondo Sr.'s approval.

Souji's saying, "Hijikata-san, please don't say no... (to teaching me kendo)"

Guess who's Kenni's friend with the pig...

Drop me a review if you want more juicy dirt on the Shinsengumi or have some suggestions to add.


	8. Issue 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Well, well, looks like Okubo & Katsura managed to gag Ikeda & team before the Miburou get their hackles up. If anyone's interested in the child prostitution racket & Kichi interviews, drop me a line in the review box and I may sneak them in as a special issue, limited only to loyal Choushu supporters, behind Katsura's back of course.

**Azer:** Propaganda is an art form of taking what you are aware of (facts, speculations) & twisting them to project the image you want the public to see. The really good propagandists can sweep war crimes like genocide and massacres under the carpet. They are called revisionists and they can write textbooks. Of course, I do not have their skill, so I'm playing at Choshu rebel editorial team portraying the Shinsengumi in a less than favorable light.

**Sakura-Shinguji aka Frustrated Gardener: **Shishio-san has agreed to kill your neighbours for fun but not their bunny.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 8_

NOTICE from the Chief Editor

The editor regrets that the exclusive scoop on the suspected Shinsengumi child prostitution racket will NOT be published, due to certain issues. Neither will the interviews with patrons of the Shimabara Boys' Teahouse who have personally 'romped' with a certain young captain in the force going by the name 'Kichi'.

On a lighter note, there was a marked increase in sales since our last issue. We hope that you'll continue to support us.

-- Chief Editor Ikeda Yori

* * *

Local News: Okita NOT Serial Killer?

The Shinsengumi will like to stress that Capt Okita Souji was in not way involved in the near-slaughter of an entire unit of the other Kyoto public security force last Wednesday night. Vice-chief Hijikata was quoted as saying that the first captain was with him _all night_. Yeah, sure, they must have loads of things to discuss in private… we can only speculate… Investigations still are underway.

Unknown Woman found Dead

The decomposed body of an unknown woman found hanging from a roof beam in an abandoned house. Only clue to her identity is a copy of the New Kyoto Post. Authorities will appreciate it if anyone comes forward with information.

Fire at Old Temple

A fire broke out at the old abandoned temple on the outskirts of town. Shortly prior to the fire, three suspicious persons were seen exiting the premises. They were recognized as members of a local peacekeeping force. _What really happened?_ Arson is suspect.

* * *

NOTICE: 

Due to complaints of unknown persons leading our young astray, only parents and teachers employed by the Mibu Temple School and Orphanage will be allowed on their premises. YMSA volunteers are to note that as of this notice, all community service projects there will be cancelled.

That applies to you too, Kenni and friend. NO more impromptu showdowns in the schoolyard, even if you're using shinais. You're scaring the kids!

-- Okubo

* * *

Notice from Vice Editor: 

I am pleased to announce that I have found my neesan. She is safe and sound in a small but pleasant country inn. However, she wishes to take time off from her column and work for a while. Shishio-san will continue to cover her duties in our advice column in her absence. I am glad to resume my duties with this publication. I sincerely apologize to all for any distress my colleagues have caused in my absence.

-- Vice Editor Katsura

P.S. Ikeda-san & team, we need to talk. Meet my page same time at the usual place. He'll bring you to me. Any one knows where I can get some medicine for headaches?

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_, er, I mean _Ask Shishio_

For the last freaking time, it's _Ask Shishio_! And some of these letters are not even worthy of being read by me! And I don't do animals, except wolves! If you require my mainstream services, contact me at the firm. Pah! Bakas!

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm a very pretty woman who has found a wealthy man but he is unaware of my 10-year-old Yumi. Will he leave me if he finds out I have an illegitimate daughter? What should I do?_

_Wanna-get-Married_

Stupid woman!

Heard of Shimabara entertainment district? They always have openings for girls of that age!

-- Shishio

_Umeko-san,_

_My horny old man brought home his bastard and then croaked, leaving us holding the brat. Should I dump the brat at the orphanage or raise him in the family as one of ours?_

_Anonymous Rice Merchant not named Seta_

Seta

You are a moron and an imbecile! Keep the brat and raise him until he is old enough to work. Then work him hard in the fields or whatever. You've got yourself a lifetime slave. BAKA.

-- Shishio

_Umeko_

_My page, S. has been very obedient until he fell into some bad company, namely a redhead whelp. I sent him out on an errand. When he failed to return, I went to look for him and I found him playing games with his friend in a Shimabara teahouse. (Shudder) I think I am losing his loyalty! What should I do?_

_-- Ronin _

Ronin,

That's simple. You may want to separate them permanently to prevent further trouble. Order him to kill this so-called friend to prove his loyalty. If he refuses, lock him up in the wood shack or something until you can think of a fitting punishment for the little traitor.

-- Shishio

I need to go slash someone, anyone… let's start with those pesky neighbours. (Throws the remaining letters out the window)

* * *

_Employment Opportunities:_

New leader of a covert organization linked to Edo Castle security seeking agile persons for our assignments. Skill in roof walking and kunai or shuriken use a must. Apply to Aoshi after dark in thebamboo forest behind Kyoto Tower.

Vacancies for beautiful, energetic girls to work outdoors on night shift. Apply to Okina, Aoiya ramen roadside stall.

URGENT! Need babysitter for super genki girl-child of a renowned ninja clan. Preferably with ninja background. Apply to Okina, Aoiya. _(Aoshi, if there're no takers, she's your responsibility…)__

* * *

_

_Advertisement:_

Got trouble with a poltergeist? Want to get in touch with the dearly departed? Troubled by spooks? Contact medium Fujita Goro at Oshima's Soba Restaurant every Wednesday at lunchtime. Or leave a message with Oshima-san.

(Oshima, why must you place the ad in this paper? _It has the widest circulation, Fujita-san. _Do you want to be Gatotsu-ed?!)

_

* * *

Employment Opportunity_

URGENT! Female hairdresser needed to work at private hostels and inns. Expected duties will extend beyond hairdressing for macho samurai. Strict background checks will be carried out. Contact Masuya & Co.

* * *

Personal Ad: 

To Y no Kichi, Where have you been? Your regular patrons are very upset. We don't care if your work name is an alias and you're really a captain in the Kyoto elite swordsman unit so long as you don't disappoint our customers. If you wish to terminate your employment with us, kindly tell us so!

-- Boys' Teahouse

* * *

Missing Person Report 

Er, anyone seen Ayu-nee? She's pretty and smart and a great cook! Her full name is Yama… WHAT?! You found her? (Runs off. _Hey, kid, you still want the ad to be placed? Stupid redhead brat..._)

* * *

**Author's notes:**

In RK manga, Keshin mentioned that he crossed swords with the captains of Patrols 1, 2 & 3. All the matches ended in a stalemate. Maybe he'll cross swords with Okita, Saitou & Nagakura soon. Katsura died of a brain disease some years after the Bakumatsu. Wonder what will happen if Seta Soujirou & Yumi come across this issue of Ask Shishio…

Shinsengumi members putting ads in the Choushu paper? Well, well... Psychic Fujita & a certain redhead page better pray that no one comes across their ads.


	9. Issue 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **Yeah, Shishio HATES his job as advice columnist. As for Kenni & Sou-chan, the next time they 'play' will be a duel to the finish in a dark Kyoto street.The infamous fight between the Miburou & Battousai... Any chance Sou & Kenni's friendship can be salvaged? Let's wait and see...

**A-chan: **Sadly, Shishio will not be around to do the advice column for long. Don't worry, Umeko does take time off once in a while to allow someone else to take charge of her column.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 9_

MORNING LATEST:

LOCAL STORE RAIDED

Masuya Provision Store was raided early this morning by the Shinsengumi. Several innocent store assistants and customers were killed in the raid. Store owner Masuya was hauled off to face interrogation at the Shinsengumi HQ.

The motivation for this raid, like so many before, is nothing more than a pathetic attempt to justify the existence of the Miburou. Citizens of Kyoto, are we paying taxes to fund a pack of hooligans to kick in our doors and demolish our businesses? We can only offer our deepest condolences to the families of those killed or captured in this raid.

MORNING LATEST: 

Fire

A fire mysteriously broke out at an abandoned shack. Firemen rescued a young red-haired child in a deep state of shock from the scene. The child was later whisked off by an older man who claimed to be his brother.

Eyewitnesses reported seeing a tall, dark and handsome samurai dragging a white-haired youth with a dark complexion away from the scene as the shack blazed. Authorities would like the said persons to come forward and assist in investigations.

* * *

Bids for New Kyoto Cemetery

Kyoto town council is currently seeking land for a new public cemetery as the current one is filling up at an alarming rate. The ideal land parcel should be located near a temple or shrine with tranquil surroundings befitting a final resting place. Interested parties please contact the town council.

* * *

Funeral at Shinsengumi HQ

Tongues are wagging after the Shinsengumi held a simple funeral for an unknown female. The woman was understood to be a hairdresser who was attacked by persons unknown. Her mutilated corpse was discovered by these same men in a back alley. A child weeping outside the gate identified the said woman as a cook but we know better, do we.

The turnout by the boys was tremendous. Many were openly distressed by her passing. It is clear that the woman was well-liked in life by the boys of the Shinsengumi and we of the New Kyoto Post will like to offer our heartfelt condolences at their loss. However, we also remind them that there's still Shimabara for their day off.

* * *

_Personal Ad: _

_Yoshida. Come for the meeting at the same place at the time agreed. _

Personal Ad

To Katsura & Yoshida, both of you seem to be having difficulties with assigning suitable 'page' duties to your pages from what I've heard. May I remind you both that the YMSA's page benefits only apply if the pages are _real_ pages and _not_ hitokiris or personal 'pets' _(sweat-drop). _You are not to claim YMSA discounts when your pages buy swords because real pages normally don't carry those things! If your page is above 15 yrs of age, we may consider recognizing them as adult members.

- Okubu

Personal Ad: All you rumor-mongers

I never had any illicit relations with my page, or his late brother. The only extra duty my Suzu has besides his usual page duties is his part time job at this paper. As for his katana, he inherited it from his brother. He bought his wakizashi with the pocket money he saved.

- Yoshida _(Suzu! Get your ass over here! I need some serious stress relief!)

* * *

_

_Ask Shishio_

As of now, I'm not answering any letters addressed to "Umeko".

_Dear Shishio-san,  
__  
I live in a well. Sometimes, I like to crawl out of it and look at people. But, people don't seem to like that very much. Usually they scream and fall over, and I don't see them again. Should I take this as a hint that they're not interested in my company? _

-Sada

One word for you, FREAK!

_SHISHIO!_

_I just recovered from being retrenched by a fire but you ruined it all for me! You bastard! After I escaped being burnt alive, I landed a job at a local security firm. Then on my first day at work, someone lopped off my nose! I understand it was thanks to your frigging advice that my boss' page tried to skewer me!_

_It's bad enough I happen to resemble Okita. My new boss explained things in the office when the page was out. I have a bit of a past I want to get over. When my new colleagues reminded me of my past, I was obliged to explain to them with my sword. Then a redhead brat of a page tries to kill me! The page has apologized… but I'm disfigured for life!_

_Since I can't pick on my boss' page for certain reasons, I want to see your blood on my sword! Burn in hell!_

_- Kichi-not-Okita_

Kichi

I'm so pleased you wrote to me. To show my gratitude, I'll duel with you at Kyoto Public Cemetery tomorrow at dawn. I believe there's space for another unmarked grave, namely yours.

- Shishio

* * *

Employment Opportunity 

Female assistants wanted at local inn. Must be agile and willing to work nights outdoors. Uniforms provided. Contact us c/o Ikeda-ya.

* * *

_Advertisement_

Want to sate your late-night soba cravings? Drop by at the 24 hr soba place now!

_Advertisement _

Gion festival specials at Shimabara's Sakura Teahouse! Excellent views of fireworks display from our lovely rooms in the company of our even lovelier waitresses. Book our rooms now!

* * *

_Notice_

We at Umeya regret that all our rooms are fully booked for the Gion Festival. As such, we will not be accepting any more enquiries. However, we'll be providing takeaways and home delivery services so you may continue to enjoy our house specials in the comfort of your home.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

The Choushu Ishii has a real biased view of things & the Shinsengumi suck at subtlety. Hijikata-san stressed on a simple funeral, but I guess things got leaked. Sorry Ayu-nee. I'm sure your brother will not let this go unpunished.

Page duties? Katsura's getting taken to task by Okubu over his hitokiri page. Wonder what Yoshida's stress relief is… (Evil grin) Maybe it's just a massage.

Umeko-san will be back to fill in as interim editor of this paper and regain control of her column. We will NOT be shutting down! (Will run in tandem with the later PMK manga developments & the RK OVA.)


	10. Special Edition

**Disclaimer: **I do not own PMK or RK.

Due to overwhelming requests for more dirt on the Shinsengumi, we bring to you the special edition copy! Took a bit of time to get the mix of sleaziness and humor right...

Dunno if the rating should be upped to R… Here goes…

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future_

_Special Edition_

From the desk of the late Chief Editor Ikeda Yori in our other hideout in Kohagi Inn, we the surviving members of the editorial team bring together this special edition of New Kyoto Post in the memory of our slain brothers-in-arms. These articles were removed from the previous issues by our vice-editor.

Just don't tell the prude Katsura who ran away. He better have a proper excuse other than being with his turtledove and forgetting the time or eating some bad sashimi…

Shinsengumi Child Prostitution Racket

We have heard rumors of a certain Shinsengumi First Captain hanging about the local orphanage with the ulterior motive of procuring children for obscene purposes in Shimabara. Our intrepid young reporter KS is on the scene to interview the staff and charges of the orphanage…

"Shinsengumi? Kami! We don't allow such bloodthirsty persons on our premises!" Kuromoto Haruko, orphanage principal claims. "We only get volunteers like Sou and Kenni here to help with the kids." When questioned about Sou, she replies, "He's just a young man with a big heart. I don't think he's a swordsman… much less a Miburou…"

(In the background, Kenni and Sou demonstrate their sword skills in a sparring match with shinais.)

"Okita Souji? No, we don't have a volunteer by that name, Kitamura-san…"

So it's on to the children, since the teachers are obviously intimidated by the wolves.

KS: Kids, what games does the nice Sou-niichan play with you?

Boy 1: Tag, blind man's bluff, hide-and-seek…

Girl 1: He tells funny stories gives us candy…

KS: Does he touch you in any way?

Girl 1: He plays beanbags with us. Touch? We hold hands and sing songs… When Taro got a boo-boo, he made it better…And he changes diapers for the babies.

Boy 2: He took us out once… to see a puppet show. He found Yukiko a family.

KS: Where? Shimabara?

Girl 2: Where's that? Yukiko's got a nice papa mama. She lives outside now, but she visits us… Hi, Yukiko! (Waves to a girl about 12)

KS: Miss Yukiko, are you really adopted or working in Shimabara as a prostitute?

Yukiko: WHAT? (Slaps KS) My foster father's a respected sword merchant and my foster mother's of noble Miyagi blood! My foster family has nothing to do with Shimabara! (whacks him over the head with her parasol) Quit slandering my family!

Kenni: (Sweat-dropping as KS is chased past the sparring duo) Hey, Kitamura-san! If you want to spar with someone that bad…

KS: No thanks, not after you put me through the shoji the last time… (Flees with Yukiko in pursuit)

Sou: Kenni-san, you put someone through the shoji before too?

Is there a child prostitution racket by the Shinsengumi? I think the results are inconclusive… Investigations by our paper are still underway. We tried to persuade our reporter to sneak into those illegal brothels to enquire about their supply sources, but he fobbed us off with the excuse that he needed to give his master a stress relieving massage. _(NO! There's NO way, you're making me go into that place!)_

Witnesses report a redhead boy on the Shinsengumi premises, supposedly page to their vice chief, but this is highly questionable. Rumors have it Vice Chief Hijikata's into shota. We all know that Hijikata has a special relationship with a certain captain who was once a page at the Sheiken dojo. Maybe he has found a new person to take to his futon.

The page has been seen carried forcibly by captains of the Shinsengumi about the premises for what is believed to be obscene purposes. He reportedly sleeps in the closet and has to wash the vice-chief's sheets every morning after staining them from the night's activities with his master.

* * *

Is Okita Moonlighting in Shimabara?

We sent our other reporter, SM, into the infamous Boys' Teahouse of Shimabara after hearing rumors that Okita Souji, First Shinsnegumi captain, is moonlighting there as a male prostitute.

Our young reporter KS has flatly refused this assignment despite promises of a pay raise. (_WHAT! Boys' Teahouse? Ikeda-san! What if those perverts make a pass at me, or worse! Stomps off_.) The said Okita look-alike goes by the name Kichisaburo and is a favorite among his many patrons.

However, on SM's arrival there, he learnt that Kichi has been booked for the evening by one of his patrons. So he made use of his time to interview Kichi's satisfied customers.

"_Kichi's a great dancer. He's got a face like a beautiful woman's. And his skin's so flawless. His body's sooo sexy… Man, it makes me horny just thinking of him… Hey! Got a boy I can use tonight since Kichi-chan's out?" _

_- Customer 1_

"Kichi? Okita Souji? Now you mention it, I suppose it's possible. They do have an uncanny resemblance. SHIT! If his boyfriend in the Shinsengumi finds out I've been sleeping with him…"

- Customer 2 (flees)

"_Kichi's a great swordsman and he's got a wicked sense of humor. Once, when we were at it in my palanquin in the street, we had the ill-luck of being interrupted by some patrol unit from Aizu. Kichi, or Okita as you call him, just grabbed my sword and killed them all. Then we went back to it… that was the best fun I had. Too bad he's always booked now."_

_- Customer 3_

"He's great in the futon with those lips and his cute little ass. No, I don't care if he's Okita Souji. Hell, my father sponsors that stupid wolf pack. If he is… well, I may consider hiring him as my personal companion. Then he's mine alone…Muahahaha…"

- A young noble who stresses he is not related to the daimyo of Aizu

"_Okita Souji? Why will he do that? Has Hijikata-san jilted him? By the way, I'm not here for the services. I'm looking for my kid brother… NO! He's not working here! He just went into Shimabara with a baka eighth patrol captain…" _

_- Anonymous guy (Runs off)_

"What? You're saying I slept with Okita Souji of the Shinsengumi? That's rich, me taking the top swordsman of the Shinsengumi. Well, he's great on the futon… Hey, aren't you Shishio-san?"

– Guy who got slashed the next morning for telling the whole firm about SM's visit to the Boys' Teahouse

"_We do not look into the background of our boys. They can work here so long as they make the customers happy and bring in the ryous."_

_- Boys' Teahouse Management when questioned on Kichi's background_

So is Okita moonlighting in Shimabara? The answer appears to be yes. Kichi is a skilled swordsman, like Okita. From the physical description of Kichi's appearance, it matches Okita to a tee. The question's why Okita's cheating on his Toshi. Has the pair broken up? Maybe Okita's getting his back on Toshi for favoring the page, by sleeping around.

_SM to Ikeda: I quit being your stinking reporter! You realize the other guys at the firm have been teasing me since this assignment.

* * *

_

As of this date, Shishio-san has gone into hiding. Our young reporter Kitamura Suzu is still missing after Ikeda-ya. We fear that he may have absconded with the newspaper's funds. Idiizuka-san suggests that we kill the little white-haired traitor on sight.

(Guys! Shouldn't we have an _Ask Shishio_? They sent some letters over…) 

_Ask Shishio_

_Dear Shishio-san-  
Over the cough past few cough days, I seem to cough have developed cough a mysterious cough cough. Do you cough think that cough this is cough something I should cough be cough worried about? coughcough I'm afraid of cough doctors! Coughcough Is there any cough sort of cough alternative? ink splatter_

_-Hacking Up My Lungs_

Eek! BURN it! PRONTO!

Advice from the team: See a doctor already! As if a TB epidemic ain't enough…

* * *

**Author's notes:**

This kind of speaks for itself. The Trio does carry poor Tetsu around a bit. And Tetsu does all the laundry anyway… Dunno if Kichi's working at the Boys' Teahouse but in this fic, I suppose he is. I suppose we can guess who that anonymous guy who is looking for his little brother is…

Apologies to Hijikata and Okita for the Choushu's major slander. Idiizuka's the guy from RK OVA who turned out to be the real traitor. Poor Suzu's been made a scapegoat here. Watch out for the revenge of the fangirls!


	11. Issue 10

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

How's the Choushu gonna worm out of the Ikeda-ya incident? Revenge of the fangirls!

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 10_

Notice from the Interim Editor

Dear readers, we apologize for the delay in this issue of publication. The New Kyoto Post has undergone some major leadership changes over the past few weeks. Our former Chief Editor Ikeda Yori has regrettably passed on. We mourn the passing of Chief Editor Ikeda and several stalwarts of his staff.

In addition, our branch offices at Kohagi Inn were torched by a mob of angry females last week. Our printing press was thrown into the river. We apologize if we have unknowingly offended anyone to warrant this incident.

As of today, the New Kyoto Post will be brought to you out of Umeya. We regret to say that this paper may be irregular in its publication as we are severely short-handed. However, we will be extending our delivery to neighboring villages, although we have no guarantee you'll get the issues up-to-date. I will be taking over as Interim Editor until we can find someone suited for the job.

- Interim Editor Umeko, WAJ Kyoto Branch Chairwoman

* * *

Notice of Clarification:

Ikeda-ya was closed for major renovations and management changes due to problems arising from the overzealousness of our local peacekeepers in their attempts at pest control. We inns of the Ikeda line are in NO way related to any anti-government activities.

What happened on the said night is this. A customer complained of our poor rat control. The Shinsengumi answered the call by _Nezumi (Rat) Soku Zan._ Regrettably, their ill-conceived attempts at pest extermination caused fatal injuries to several of our guests and staff.

As such, we invite visitors to Kyoto to continue visiting our sister inns in Satsuma and the Greater Kyoto area. We will be upgrading our in-house security and vermin control. Inconvenience deeply regretted.

To the perverted old millionaire of Black Cat Mansion, may we please have our black cats back? The white cats with bells suck at rat-catching. Contact us via Umeya.

- Ikeda line inns management

* * *

K.K SECURITY OFFICIAL NOTICE

We stress that we are not a pack of anti-shogunate hitokiris as certain factions will have you believe. All employees are advised to going into hiding, I mean, take a vacation in the countryside until we have sorted out certain management issues. Take a break in an isolated village growing vegetables, or selling snake oil. _Refrain from any rash moves.

* * *

_

News: Roadside Brawl, 14 Dead

A brawl ended in numerous fatalities on the road out of Kyoto when a group of ruffians tried to harass a young woman described in their words as a _'pretty bed-warmer who needs a man's attentions'_. The remark ticked off the lady's kid brother, described by survivors as a redhead shrimp. The boy proceeded to defend his sister's honor with his katana.

By the time the local police got to the scene, both siblings have fled, leaving behind 14 dead and 5 badly wounded. Fatalities are expected to increase.

* * *

WAJ Notice: Window on the World 

We of the WAJ are pleased to announce to that we will be having a talk courtesy of guest speaker Sakamoto Ryouma titled "Window on the World" this Friday afternoon at Umeya. Married members are reminded to inform their spouses as we don't want any embarrassing situations arising from gross misunderstandings. Singles with overly-concerned relatives may want to do like.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

I was enjoying the restfulness of a small country inn when I received some back copies of this publication sent via my brother's page. What I read was enough to make me choke on my green tea. I'm shocked by the trash that my replacement has been giving out! I'm taking back _Umeko's Kitchen_.

After being escorted back to Kyoto by a very charming friend, I found some letters that thankfully, my replacement has overlooked in his haste to leave, in addition to some new letters. I hope I am still able to assist you. Continue writing to me for _decent_ advice.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm at a loss! I got this friend, the first real friend I got since coming to Kyoto. I kinda like him although he's a bit of a moron and loudmouth at times. When we were at Shimabara, he made me laugh like I've never laughed in a very long time… Then my master wants me to kill him! What should I do? I dunno if I can kill anyone, I've never killed before! Help!_

_- Page_

Dear Page,

Oh my, I think there are deeper issues to work out between you and your master. I suggest you ask your master, politely of course, to come down to Umeya. I'll see if I can counsel you both.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_Two nights ago, I glaced out my window to see the cutest little swordsman you'd ever see! Red-hair, young, kinda short, but that's okay, because as soon as I saw him, I thought he was absolutely adorable! Like a doll! I wanted to kidnap him and dress him up! squeals So kawaii! But before I could kidn-I mean approach him -he started following this group of men and disappeared into the shadows! What am I supposed to do? I want to find him, and dress him up in this custom kimono I made, but I have no idea where to start! Not to mention I'm afraid to go out into the street by myself. I heard that two nights ago a group of men (shogunate officals and bodyguards no less!) got killed not far from my home by that mysterious hitokiri everyone is talking about...Hitokiri Boathouse or something like that. Please help!_

_Wants a Life-Size Dress-Up Doll_

Dear Doll-san

I think this excerpt from another letter will answer your query:

_I'm being stalked by a weirdo intend on dressing me up in a kimono! It's starting to interfere with my work. Hitokiris don't wear fancy kimonos! I prefer facing, unarmed, Demon Hijikata of the Shinsengumi any day. Help! I think I'll be Zanning the culprit if he or she doesn't stop this foolishness soon!_

In short, channel your dress-up skills somewhere else if you do not want to be Z_anned._

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I'm a young man employed in a private security firm. I work days AND nights! I carry out all my assignments successfully, even the very messy ones! Then my boss told me to take time off. He packed me and my companion off to a village in the mountains. I fear I'm being retrenched! Am I being paranoid? _

_- Shin_

Dear Shin,

You seem to be suffering from stress and work-fatigue. I assure you that your boss' sole intention was for you to get some well-deserved rest. Kick back and enjoy the tranquility of the countryside. Does your companion happen to be a beautiful lady? (nudge, wink)

- Yours, Umeko

_Employment Opportunities_

New Kyoto Post wants reporters, writers, editing assistants and delivery assistants. Women also welcome to apply.

Apply to Umeko at Umeya.

* * *

APOLOGY NOTICE: 

To the kinsman/ friend of the unnamed woman whose funeral was sponsored by the Shinsengumi,

We take back all that we have said about her being the Shinsengumi's in-house_ whore_. We acknowledge that she was simply a _kitchen cook_ the men respected for her wisdom. Can you please stop using us for kunai practice whenever we go out at night?

– Idle gossips at the Sake Shack

* * *

Personal Ad: Notice

Contrary to rumors, we at the other place didn't run away. We simply took ill en masse after partaking of some sashimi gone bad. My apologies if anyone called while we're having our insides purged at Kitsu-dono's place. (shudder…) Very curious to know what incurred the wrath of the gang of females who set Kohagi Inn ablaze last week.

– K. _(Must be Ikeda-san's kami-damned articles…)

* * *

_

_Missing Person:_

Boy aged 15-17 years old. White-haired. Tanned Complexion. Answers to the name of Kitamura Suzu. Last seen walking away in a daze from the site of a massacre by Miburou with a suspicious bundle via Ikeda-ya's back gate.

_Kitamura! That better not be our missing fund kitty…_

Contact New Kyoto Post c/o Umeya

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Katsura Kogoro survived the Ikeda-ya massacre because he was delayed at the other hideout. However, he got stuck with the nickname "Runaway Kogoro" after that. His counterpart Yoshida was not so lucky. As to why he was delayed, I dun think it was bad sashimi. It's real wrenching the part in the anime where poor Suzu's trying to get help and no one came.

BTW, Katsura in this ficcie's the RK version. The PMK version's kawaii, _aw, puppy... _but I doubt he'll get Battousai's respect.


	12. Issue 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

SPOILERS for the PMK manga and RK OVA. Coming issues may be a tad slow because of history research for what happened between Ikeda-ya (1864) and Toba Fushimi (1868). I will try to write in some fillers.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **Get well soon. Thanks for the idea of the fangirls' revenge. The Kohagi Inn was featured in RK as the inn where Battousai, Tomoe and other Choushu guys were living prior to Ikeda-ya incident. It was stated in the manga that it burned down, most likely due to the crackdown on anti-bakufu forces after Ikeda-ya.

**M. Kasshoku: **Sorry. Shishio has tendered his resignation to the newspaper at least. He's made a career move to become the shadow assassin of the Ishin.

A big thank you for all the reviews, suggestions and letters to Shishio or Umeko. Keep them coming (grin).

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 11_

From the Editor's Desk

I am pleased to announce that I will be taking over the post of Chief Editor. I am Ikeda Koji, younger brother of the former Chief Editor. I just got in from the Edo area and I'm new to Kyoto. I will try my best to keep up the fine standards set by my departed brother.

- Ikeda Koji, Chief Editor

NOTICE

The YMSA is officially disbanded upon orders from certain authorities. Any surviving members are reminded that their katana maintenance service discounts will expire this coming Tuesday. Banner-makers who have yet to be paid can file their claims at the temporary Small Claims Court behind Mibu Temple Orphanage. Please be reassured that there will be no wolves waiting there.

- Lawyers Koubo and Satkura

* * *

NOTICE to WAJ Members

Due to increased demands of our grief management group, we will be forming two new groups to assist new widows come to terms with their loss. Interested members are to attend the group that best suits them.

Group 1: Tuesday Afternoons at Umeya Chrysanthemum Room

Group 2: Wednesday Afternoons at Mibu Sandals

Members attending the Wednesday group are reminded not to throw stones and other projectiles at the next-door neighbors, namely the Shinsengumi HQ by request of Emiko-san who runs the sandal store. We have enough problems finding venues.

_Advertisement_

Need to get back? Want to put a curse on some ahou? We offer a wide range of charms and curses to meet all your needs. Current hot offer: Shinsengumi dolls and nails kit. Contact Emiko at Mibu Sandals.

* * *

Mystery at Kyoto Shrine

Straw dolls bearing the names of several Shinsengumi leaders were found nailed to trees behind the local shrine. Names include Hijikata Toshizou, Okita Souji and Kondo Isami. The most common name is one Saitou Hajime. On a note left pinned to one of the Saitou dolls was written:

_Jerk! Do you even intend to marry me! I'm sick of waiting!_

Authorities are investigating what is believed to be a childish prank. The Shinsengumi members whose names were mentioned were seen undergoing a purification ritual to rid themselves of ill-fortune later in the day.

_Flash Mob!_

A group of teenage girls were seen gathering outside a temple room in which some men were undergoing a ritual purification bath. They fled upon discovering that the men inside did not include one Okita Souji. Okita was reported to be feeling unwell and declined the ritual bath.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

My baka brother's gone missing in the countryside with his staff. I can only thank Sakamoto-san for his assistance in running this paper, even though he gets chased out of town once in a while. The letters are piling up. LET'S GO!

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am living with my companion, an older lady. I think I'm starting to develop feelings for her… She used to carry a tanto with her whenever I'm about. Recently, she has stopped carrying her dagger and she even introduces herself as my wife when we're selling medicine on the road… Does she like me?_

_- Shin_

Dear Shin,

Yes. When a woman refers to a man as her husband, she normally has a good impression of him. I used to refer to mine as _'damned bastard'_ until his death, but that's another thing. If you intend to woo the said lady, go slow and be patient. We don't want that tanto appearing again, do we?

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My men think I'm at death's door! Yesterday, they reserved a plot for me at the Choushu cemetery (cough-cough). Should I lead them into, I mean on an outing to prove I am fully capable of leading (cough-cough-cough)_

_- Taka Su Gi (cough-cough-ack)_

Dear Taka-sensei,

You haven't been taking care of the cough, have you? Visit Kitsu-dono's clinic and see if she has any remedy for it.

- Your concerned shamisen pupil, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_Remember me? Things have spiraled downhill since my last letter. My master got beheaded by a Miburou scum. I failed him. I don't know what to do… I have nowhere to turn to… Help… I don't know if I can get over what happened. _

_- Page_

Dear Page,

You seem to be suffering tremendously from your loss. The girls and I will be willing to make an exception for you at our grief management group. Drop by this Friday. It's in the house on the left of the Black Cat Mansion as the rooms at Umeya are all booked this week. Or is it the one on the right? I'm very bad at giving directions… Gomen…

- Yours sheepishly, Umeko

_

* * *

Runaway Children _

Two boys about 7 to 10 years of age ran away from the Mibu Temple Orphanage last night. The teachers here will greatly appreciate it if the following boys are found and returned safely.

Sanosuke has spiky hair, reminiscent of a rooster. He is loud and enjoys fighting. He prefers to fight with his fists and is rude, ill-disciplined and obnoxious.

Tsukioka Katsushiro has floppy shoulder-length hair and is a known pyromaniac. Be careful of his homemade fireworks. He also enjoys defacing walls with graffiti.

(Sweat-drop) On second thoughts, don't return them!

* * *

Advertisement 

The Sake Shack is open for business! Do drop by! We regret that due to lack of fighters, we will not be able to resume our night matches.

* * *

Missing Person: 

My friend Kenni has gone missing about the Gion Festival after he failed to show up at the party where I was going to introduce him to my best friends and colleagues in a local peacekeeping unit. I've failed to locate him since. He is slim, short, in his mid-teens with red hair. I fear that he may have been killed by Hitokiri Battousai. If you have information on Kenni or Battousai, please contact Soujirou or Sou-chan via Umeya.

_Reply to Ad: Souji-kun, Kenni is alive and well, for now. He got urgent matters out of town. Shouldn't you be taking better care of that cough of yours? – Anonymous

* * *

_

**Author's notes:**

(Historical fact) The Ikeda-ya incident forced the Ishin Shishi forces to meet the Shogunate forces in a battle the Choushu were ill-prepared for. Needless to say, that's where the increase in new widows comes from.

I know Sano and Katsu probably met in the Sekihoutai and in RK, Sano has a family in a post town somewhere, but I'm twisting things a bit.

Umeko has no direction sense. Kenni and Sou's friendship? Well, Sou doesn't know Kenni's real identity yet. And guess who's in town for Saitou. (grin)


	13. Issue 12

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

An update. Kinda tricky managing two papers with similiar characters but different timelines. And there's the historic research part...

Read and Review and forgive any historical inaccuracies.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 12_

EDITOR'S APOLOGY

We apologize for the temporary suspension of our publication as a result of ongoing investigations by local _baka-fu_ authorities in the zealous crackdown on anti-Shogunate forces. We hereby reassure all our readers we are in no way involved in any anti-government activities. Long live the Emperor!

- Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

HEALTH BULLETIN

Local health authorities will like to remind all citizens with the onset of cold weather that it is important to safeguard your health. A mild but persistent cough can be a sign of a serious illness. If accompanying symptoms include tasting copper in the mouth, smelling strange substances and fatigue _even if you haven't wiped out a pack of Choushu dogs or Mibu wolves,_ please come down to the nearest clinic for a thorough examination. We have a nice solitary ward for you at the local quarantine wing.

CAT FLEA OUTBREAK

The health council has declared a cat flea epidemic in the city. Citizens are advised not to cuddle or play with strange black cats and to maintain good personal hygiene. Suspected source of the outbreak is Black Cat Mansion. Authorities are currently seeking its owner.

* * *

_NEW! Mountain Survival Guide by K.K. (Peasant)_

Due to complaints from my staff of their inability to adapt to a peasant lifestyle, I'm writing this guide from my peasant hovel while I plant tubers and fish from a mountain stream.

_Tip 1: Grow your own vegetables and yams._

Grow your own food for subsistence if you are able to. Stock up excess yams and tubers for the coming winter. Note also that winter in the mountains is colder and earlier, so do not dally too long about planting. If you haven't planted anything by now, you're probably looking at hunting for your food.

_Tip 2: Start your own business selling snake oil and cheap herbs._

This will not only supplement your income but allow you to mingle with the locals and keep in touch with the happenings in town. Be on the lookout if your fellow snake-oil seller has the Shinsengumi's logo on his wares. There've been reports of Shinsengumi shinobi passing themselves off as medicine sellers.

_Tip 3: Hunting made easy_

Get a bow and arrows. Hunt rabbits or pheasants. Boar is a dangerous bet, a spear should be used. Work in a team for best results. In addition, you get some exercise. Fishing is another alternative if you don't want to tire yourself. Do bundle up if it's cold.

If all else fails, seek sanctuary at the local temple or monastery. Do be respectful to the monks. They're taking a risk sheltering you after all. The wolves of Mibu still retain some respect for holy ground, for now at least. My dearest neesan and my darling dove, please stop bringing food down to me. Be assured I am eating well despite my current haggard appearance.

(Oi! You drunks up on the bridge! Quit peeing off it! I live down here! _Shaddup you beggar…_ Why you…)

* * *

NOTICE:

Students to my field classes take note! We will be having a major class outing on December 15th! Meet at the practice fields. Bring your tools and banners!

- Takasugi (cough, cough)

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

The weather is turning cold. Luckily, Umeya has introduced a wide selection of delicious soups to warm you all up. We have the miso traditional, clams, fish broth… Oops, I got carried away. Gomen.

_Dear Umeko,_

_  
I'm a young and innocent girl and I'm scared! Yesterday, I got lost in the city ( I'm new here, and it's big, y'know, and I can't find my way outside my futon, so...) I asked directions to some man in a uniform, but when he looked at me I felt like he wanted to attack and rape me! I ran away before he could do anything but now, every time I turn a corner, I'm afraid to run into him! And now, every time I see someone clothed in blue and white, I start panicking. What should I do? Where should I go for help? _

- Scared Girl

Dear Girl,

Come to our Women's Association branch at Umeya. We have a social network here to help girls like you. Just ask for directions, Umeya is at the junction of Lantern Street and Plum Street. (_Nami, is that right? Yes, it is.)_ It has two large purple parasols outside and a post for tying your pets to while you enjoy your meal. Another thing, avoid those blue-and-white guys. You never know when they're high on sake or simply plain bored.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am a mature woman with a demanding job. I have met my soul mate at long last. He's a mild-mannered gentleman who is equally in love with me but should our relationship be known, you know… Also, I've been lying to him about who I really am. What should I do? _

_-Troubled Gal_

Dear Troubled,

I can understand the pressures of work on your personal life. If your love is as strong as you claim, I'm sure it will overcome all obstacles. Of course, you must have courage. But why the need for deception? Will he leave you if you are honest to him? If he does, forget the cad.

-Yours, Umeko

_Umeko-darling! (Heart)_

_I finally found my mentor's sons. Unfortunately, my mentor has passed on. I got in touch with the elder one but I think he has a rotten impression of me. What should I do?_

_- Ryouma (Starry-eyes)_

Ryouma-kun,

You didn't harass him at his place of work in such an outrageous manner that you got chased out by a Miburou pack, did you? Try to meet him outside his workplace. Cut down on the near-suicidal outings into the wolf pen.

- Yours in worry, Umeko

Oops! The soup's boiling over… lalala…

* * *

_Personal Ad_

(If Hijikata-san knows I'm placing an ad in this tabloid, he'll order me to commit seppuku but I'll risk that seeing it has the widest circulation in Kyoto.)

I am looking for my friend, well, maybe, Suzu. He has been missing since 3 months ago. He's kind of serious with white hair and dark skin. Please give any information to Umeko-san at Umeya. She'll relay it to me the next time I drop by to buy Okita-san's favorite sweets.

Suzu, if you're reading this… I'm sorry about what happened. Look, I'm worried about your safety. Please contact me. I will understand fully if you want to kill me on sight.

* * *

_Personal Ad to Sakamoto_

Leave me and my brother alone! We have no interest in whatever nutcase scheme you got! Don't look for us, don't call us don't even think of us! Please! I just want to continue my safe job at a certain civil office and keep my head attached.

* * *

_Personal Ad _

Kenni, if you're in Kyoto this spring, will you care to meet me for sakura viewing? I got some really great haikus I would like you to comment on. Please reply via Umeya.

– Your fellow poetry critic, Sou

* * *

Personal Ad

Saitou Hajime! How dare you stand me up at the kabuki theater! I waited all evening in the rain for you! (Atchoo! Atchoo!) Jerk! You better not be in some Shimabara Teahouse like my brother is! (ATCHOO!)

* * *

Personal Ad from beyond?

This is a little unusual. A local medium known as Fujita Goro placed this ad in our paper on behalf of a departed soul. When we tried to tell him our policy of not placing ads in the name of the dearly departed, he threatened to _Gatotsu_ us. Here it is.

_Suzu! __Have you forgotten all I taught you? Quit making a whore of yourself and get your sorry ass back where it belongs! _– _Yoshida_

Of course, no one can verify the truth of this cryptic message from beyond. Yoshida of the YMSA lost his head in rat control incident gone awry at Ikeda-ya main inn three months ago.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

In the RK manga that Takasugi led an attempted uprising in the December following the Ikeda-ya incident, despite suffering from TB. Actually, Katsura's living under a Kyoto bridge as a beggar. The peasant thing is an attempt to throw any pro-bakufu readers off track.

The Ichimura bros are risking their necks to put ads in the New Kyoto Post. Ryouma's contact with the Ichimuras happened in the later manga series but it was included in the anime prior Ikeda-ya.

Fujita Goro aka Saitou did mention something like "that's a cruel tale" when he kinda sensed Yoshida's shade in the PMK manga. And Saitou's girl sounds like... well, he better have a good excuse for her.


	14. Issue 13

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

SPOILERS for San-nan's desertion.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 13_

NOTICE of APOLOGY

We apologize for the suspension of our publication over the winter as a result of a perfectly innocent spelling error on our front page. We apologize to the relevant ba-ku-fu, note not _baka_-fu, authorities for any distress caused. Hey, cut poor Koji-san some slack, he just got out of Edo college. Please refrain from cutting him down.

I am writing this apology as poor Koji's hands haven't recovered from his taste of Shinsengumi hospitality over the winter. Same goes for his other parts.

We are NOT an anti-bakufu outfit! After tearing up half of Umeya's kitchen and the front rooms of my sister's restaurant, the local authorities found NO proof of subversive activities.

- Vice-Editor, K.K.

(Thank heavens for Umeko's sweets and the unnamed Umeya regular who put in a good word for poor Koji… Did I mention Koji whips up a tasty red bean paste dessert? Too bad he'll be unable to do so for a while.)

* * *

NOTICE

The Shinsengumi HQ has moved!

The Shinsengumi is now co-occupying land with a local temple. The Kyoto temples regret that they cannot offer sanctuary to those who sorely need it. Fugitives and other sanctuary-seekers please take note.

The new occupants of the former Shinsengumi HQ request that unnamed persons stop defacing their property with anti-bakufu graffiti and throwing homemade bombs onto the grounds. The key culprits are described as a pair of young boys, one of whom has a hairdo resembling a rooster's.

* * *

MILITARY TALENT

The local Shinsengumi has finally addressed its most glaring weakness by appointing Itou Kashitarou as their military advisor. Itou is well-known for his sharp wit and good looks. If his wits outweigh his looks, we can be sure that he will be leaving for higher places soon.

Here are some quotes from various sources by yours truly:

"Itou-san is the brains that will help us achieve greater heights. We await his guidance on military matters so we can rid our glorious country of all anti-Tokugawa scum." Chief Kondo, while looking sideways at a very grumpy Vice-chief Hijikata

"I don't trust his aura…" a man with prayer beads, the Shinsengumi's resident priest?

"He is good-looking… not as good-looking as Okita-san, but Okita-san's off-limits…" a taishi

"Ita Kashi-what? Who's he? Okita-san's new pig?" an unnamed redhead page (scratches head as he goes off to feed pigs)

* * *

Mystery at Shrine

A tall, dark man was spotted in the woods behind the local shrine nailing a straw dummy to a tree late at night. The man was quoted as yelling: "Itou! DIE! Go to HELL!" as he nailed the dummy to the tree. After that, he drew his katana on the dummy and reduced it to pieces. For good measure, the mystery man cremated the remains.

The incident was witnessed by an Ishin shinobi, I mean, beggar who happened to be seeking shelter at a small hut there. The disturbing part was that the man responsible was wearing the uniform of a local peacekeeping group. One can only wonder.

* * *

Local news: NO Desertion!

Shinsengumi deny rumors that Vice Chief Yamanami has deserted. They claim his recent non-appearance was a result of illness, and nothing more. Citizens, Shimabara residents and regulars can look forward to seeing him after his recovery from his cold.

* * *

_Murder Still Unsolved_

In yet another instance of incompetence, local police are nowhere nearer to solving the horrific murder of the one of the richest men in the nation. In autumn, the cat-loving millionaire of Black Cat Mansion was found literally cleaved in half in his bed by his foster son, who wishes to remain unnamed. The man's guards were also found murdered. Police still have no leads, as usual.

Sources have it that the foster son was so frustrated by this show of incompetence that he took to drowning his sorrows by throwing really wild private parties in a certain Shimabara Teahouse over several weeks since the murder. Indeed, what better way to get back at those incompetents than depriving them of their regular entertainment on their off-days.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

Here are the letters I managed to answer before some wild animals tore up half my kitchen searching for _subversive elements_. They only found my planned spring sweet selection. Their young leader was glad to order his men to leave us in peace after finding no anti-Shogunate persons or items and I agreed to bring back last year's Sakura Box. He wanted to get one for a friend.

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_A lot has happened. My beloved wife died, by my sword. I killed her fiancé before we met. She knew I was responsible for taking away her happiness! Yet she was so good to me… I don't know if I can redeem myself, ever. I'm so confused!_

_- Shin_

Dear Shin,

I sympathize with your loss. Try channeling your feelings into something creative. Your wife wouldn't want you mope forever, right? Drop by Umeya. We will try to help you through this difficult time. Have you seen to her funeral arrangements? I can help you secure a prime burial plot.

- Yours sincerely, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I run a small roadside stall. However, my stall gets demolished by certain persons on their nightly raids! What should I do? I have family to feed and I can't do repairs all the time!_

_- Annoyed Businessman_

Dear fellow businessman,

Welcome to the club. You can try to claim damages from the relevant authorities, but I suggest something like moving outta town. Honestly, I would do that if I don't have other personal commitments in town.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I blundered. I tried matchmaking my best employee with a virtuous woman. Unfortunately, she was being used by others for their ulterior motives. My bad judgment cost a young woman her life and untold distress to my employee. Where did I go wrong? Will I lose my best employee?_

_- Not your brother_

Dear Brother,

Everyone makes mistakes. _Where _you went wrong? I did caution you about giving a man's job to a boy. But did you care to listen? _No…_ you had to hire him! Drop by at my kitchen. I've a few words to say to you…

- Your sister, Umeko

Excuse me. I have some matters to see to, like a funeral. My brother better help...

* * *

Advertisement: AOIYA Restaurant Inn OPEN!

Welcome all citizens and visitors to the newly opened Aoiya, the family restaurant inn. I am proud to present our opening special ramen, udon and soba set meals. We use only the freshest ingredients brought in by our specialized runners in the early morning hours by rooftop.

Special rates offered on rooms if you are young, sexy and female. If you're male, sorry, the rates don't apply to you.

- Innkeeper Okina

* * *

Personal Ad: 

My beloved Ake, let us fly away together. Something cropped up and I must leave here. I look forward to seeing your lovely blue eyes at the bridge where we first met.

– Your love for eternity, Kei

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Umeya's spring sweets selection is out. They make the perfect gifts for all occasions, be it a secret rendezvous under the bridge or a visit to a sick friend. Drop by now!

Due to demand, we will be bringing back the Sakura Box with its flower shaped sweets. It's the perfect gift for friends you haven't seen in a while.

* * *

Personal Ad:

Kenni, caught sight of your red hair in a crowd yesterday but couldn't catch up to you as I was occupied with some urgent matters. Good to see you back in town. Can we meet up at Umeya this Tuesday for lunch after work? I want to plan an outing to a puppet show for the orphans and would like more suitable company since Toshi always scares the kids.

- Sou

* * *

Recruitment Drive: Local Group Seeking Samurai with Conviction

We are a yet unnamed group of samurai seeking to create a better future for all built on equality. Apply to Taka Su G, the shack outside Kyoto West suburbs.

If any non-samurais are interested, we can refer you to our brother group Seikihoutai under Saga Ra.

NOTICE:

The double-crossing rat has been dispatched. – K.K.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Kenshin's back in Kyoto. The real traitor's been zanned. There are 2 versions to how it was done. Lonely mountain road, Shishio as the assassin (RK manga). Downtown docks, Shishio as the assassin, Katsura watching (RK OVA)

BTW, someone has been enjoying himself since his foster father's murder, hasn't he. Yeah, San-nan (Yamanami Keisuke) has deserted. And someone has serious problems with importing talent.


	15. Issue 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**Sakura-Shinguji: **Yep, the mystery man's Hijikata alright. He really has problems with Itou joining the group. I like your letter, but I will answer it in a later issue where I think it will fit in with the ficcie.

**A-chan:** Yes, sadly, I have to start this issue with a obituary. Spoilers for PMK vol 2 and 3. And what of the Sou-Kenni friendship?

**Sailor-Earth13: **More references to Kenshin coming up. After all, he is a regular at Umeya. A little bit on how Saitou came to be his RK form in the coming issues.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 14_

OBITUARY NOTICE

Yamanami Keisuke, 33, committed seppuku after charges of desertion were brought against him by his colleagues in the Shinsengumi. He was known in Shimabara for his kindness and generosity.

Teahouse operators and other denizens of Shimabara will like to stress that the man known fondly as San-nan did _not _die of any ailment contracted from his numerous visits to the entertainment district.

The wake has already been held. It was noted that the body was not present. The body was hastily buried hours after his reported seppuku without the usual funeral rites accorded to it. Shinsengumi leaders refuse to comment. Itou Kashitarou was reported to have made such a cryptic remark.

"_Was it seppuku or…"_ When our people tried to press him on this, he simply smiled and walked off.

Rumors are rife. It eerily resembled the demise of a past Shinsengumi leader. Why the need for a hasty burial? What are you trying to hide?

* * *

OKITA A MURDERER? 

CURSES

A blond woman was seen in the woods behind the shrine a few nights ago cursing the first Shinsengumi captain Okita Souji. Witness Takagi T. describes her as being extremely distressed. Takagi gave the unidentified woman one of her straw dolls, which the woman promptly pinned to a tree with her kunai.

"She was screaming, _Okita, you murderer! How could you do that to him! Burn in hell_!" our witness reports. When our reporters went to the scene this morning, we found two dolls pinned to the trees. One bore thewords "_Okita's a Murderer_". The other read "_Runaway Groom Saitou, when do you intend to wed me_?"

Local shrine keepers will like to remind would-be curse placers that there are more suitable cursing trees in the Kyoto outskirts near Mt. Hiei. Give the shrine woods a break.

* * *

SONGS and GRAFFITI

Children were heard singing a new song "_Okita killed San-nan_" outside the new Shinsengumi training grounds. Graffiti along the same lines was found on the outer walls, much to the temple monks' annoyance. The man at the centre of this storm has reportedly taken ill.

To quote Vice-Chief Hijikata, "My Souji is extremely distressed by Yamanami's seppuku. He has taken to his bed." We sympathize fully with poor Souji and wish him a speedy recovery under Demon Hijikata's loving care.

When questioned as to the origins of the song, the children were clueless. Interestingly, there was a similar song featuring Hijikata, but the children said: "We haven't the guts to sing that one because he'll kill us." The children fingered two unnamed boys as being responsible for the graffiti. One was known as Rooster-head.

* * *

LOCAL NEWS: Serial Killer strikes again!

After a lull of several months, the mysterious swordsman has returned to terrorize Kyoto streets. This time, Captain Saitou Hajime has named the killer who wiped out half his patrol last Thursday night as Hitokiri Battousai. It was understood that the good captain was away then trying to postpone his wedding yet again.

The Sake Shack wishes to inform all bettors that they will not accept bets on Battousai as of now. Gamblers are asked to bet instead on how long the Shinsengumi's best will last in a duel with Battousai.

* * *

LOCAL NEWS: Panther on the loose

The general public is advised to be careful when out at night after the Shinsengumi Seventh Patrol was attacked by a large mysterious animal described as an overgrown black cat last Friday night. Two taishis were severely mauled by the beast. One of our staff, who is very well-traveled, named the beast in the witness' sketch as a panther.

* * *

_Notice to the master of the Black Cat Mansion_

Keep your bloody cat under control. You're worse than your freaky old man. At least he kept the big bad kitty indoors. Don't act innocent with us… Tiger-sized black cats are not native to Japan. You own the _only _one! Ignore this notice and you'll be fined!

- Kyoto Town Council

P.S. We're considering shooting your kitty on sight next time.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Very busy this week. Despite having to rebuild half my kitchen, Umeya's still open.

_Dear Umeko, _

_I am a young man with a problem. I love dressing up in kimonos and wearing pretty things… Can I still contribute to society if I choose to pass myself as a female? Or are all society's contributions done by men only because weak women don't have what it takes?_

_- Kamatari_

Kamatari,

That was the most misguided notion ever! Women have been contributing to society's development since time immemorial. Ask your mother! Everyone can contribute to society.

- Umeko

_Dear Umeko, _

_I have a comrade who is so indiscreet. He gets a wolf pack after him almost twice weekly! He is a hazard to the rest of us! What's worse is that he seems to be hanging around my sister too much! Help! I worry for my sister._

_- Nervous Brother_

Dear Brother,

Your sister enjoys the man's attentions. Don't worry, your neesan wields a mean naginata and very capable of taking care of herself. Did I mention that I'm trying to get him to teach me how to use those Western weapons?

- Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I've been friends with this guy since we've been little kids. Over the past year we've drifted apart because of our affiliations...(cough He's working for a certain dirty wolf pack and I'm NOT cough) Anyway, his birthday is coming up. Part of me wants to give him something, because we've been friends for so long, but another part of me just wants to hit him for joining with the wrong crowd. I mean, he's really all I have, and I do care for him despite the fact we're on opposite sides of a certain discussion. What should I do?_

_-Distressed Friend_

Dear Friend,

Why don't you do both? Get him down to the good old Sake Shack for some birthday fun like my girls suggest. Treat him to some sake, enough to get him suitably incapacitated. Then, give him a good kick to the rear into the river on the way home… _(Sweatdrop)_ _Nami! Hotaru! Quit joking. I can't give your advice… Kenni! Do you have any ideas?_

- With apologies, Umeko

* * *

_Personal Advertisement:_

To Sano and Katsu,

I am willing to make an exception for you and allow you to join our camp despite your tender years after much discussion with the others. You two sorely need a direction in your lives. Come by our offices so you'll quit terrorizing the good citizens of Kyoto.

- Sekihoutai chairman _(Even if Sano doesn't read, Katsu does… mumble…)

* * *

_

_Advertisement_

Kimono and accessory sale at Momoko's Boutique. Special discounts on silk products. We cater to all ages, male or female. Yamazaki-san, do you wish to check out our Lady-line kimono selections? We have them in your size.

* * *

URGENT! 

Exorcist wanted to deal with restless spirits manifesting themselves as voices and shadowy figures in empty rooms. Contact Shimabara Teahouse Union.

* * *

Personal Ad 

Contrary to rumors, my sister did NOT poison her late husband. He just happened to eat some poorly prepared blowfish from an unlicensed stall. The words "_Damned bastard, I'll fix him_" was my sister's way of expressing her affection for him as she awaits his return from his mistress' place. She was simply fixing him supper – K.

_Reply:_ Brother dear, DISCRETION… you promised not to mention that damned bastard again, didn't you?

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Enough is enough! Stop publishing and spreading those slanderous rumors about my friend Sou. He doesn't work in Shimabara and he doesn't procure children for brothels! And for crying out loud, stop accusing him of murder when it's really seppuku. _Understand?_

Sorry, Sou. I can't accept your invitation again. I have business to attend to.

– Anonymous

_Reply to Ad: Hey, whose side are you on? Your employer wants to speak with you, urgently.

* * *

_

Employment Opportunity:

Waitresses wanted for Aoiya restaurant and inn. Must be pretty and agile. Must be good with heights and kunai handling.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Playing up on Kenni and Sou's friendship. The part about the panther is cooked up.

SPOILERS! San-nan's seppuku isn't what it appears. Let's just say he was led to be mistaken about his colleagues' intentions after he fell out with Hijikata. Akesato's really distressed, even more so when Okita confessed his involvement in San-nan's death. Itou's suspicious of what happened and is planning a breakaway.


	16. Issue 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M. Kasshoku**: Yes, Saitou will be wriggling his way out of his wedding for a very long time.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Takagi T. will catch her wolf eventually… And more hiccups for Kenni and Sou.

**SakuraShinguji**: Glad you loved it… The kids were a tad cruel to poor Souji. But I wanted to show the suspicions about San-nan's death. And your letter gets a reply, sorta.

Ever wondered what goes on in the place in Kyoto known as The Sake Shack? And what of Hotaru after getting booted out of the Red and Black Club? And what of the Chief Editor? Don't forget to check out the Meji era companion _The Japan Bulletin_.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 15_

THE EDITOR'S DESK

We were suspended again for investigations, but don't fret, we're back! As the Chief Editor, I assure you that we are dedicated to creating a brighter future for all. In no way whatsoever do we want to create unrest in our society. We only seek to create a society of peace, at all costs.

Thank you to those who have written in to express their concern about my health. I have recovered the best I can from my injuries. I will continue to bring you _New Kyoto Post_ from the comfort of my wheelchair. _(Nurse! I need the chamber pot… er… Hotaru-hime… please…Nami? Someone? Hotaru-hime, sorry I called you a lousy kunoichi. You improved after the training… don't leave me!)_

- Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

LOCAL NEWS: Disturbance at Sake Shack

Local police were called to the popular watering hole, Sake Shack, two nights ago to break up a brawl involving two off-duty members of the Shinsengumi. Nagakura Shinpachi and Harada Sanosuke, both captains, tried to chat up a young woman at the bar. Things got rowdy when the men discovered the woman was really a he.

The law-enforcement guys tried to subdue the two captains and a fight started. The 'woman' used this distraction to slip out. Just when the drunken captains were subdued, another commotion broke out between a woman and her male companion. The policemen recognized the male as a wanted man, Sakamoto.

Sakamoto resisted arrest and wounded two officers with his weapons before fleeing. The two Shinsengumi captains fled during this chaos. Sakamoto's unknown female friend also disappeared from the Sake Shack before she can be brought in to help in investigations.

LOCAL NEWS: Disturbance outside Aoiya

Pedestrians in the street outside Aoiya yesterday afternoon narrowly escaped serious injury when the owner of the inn threw shuriken at a cheat. A customer at Aoiya tried to make use of its ladies' discounts by passing himself off as a woman. When the innkeeper Okina discovered his guest's true gender, he was furious and chased the man out of the inn.

The following exchange was quoted by witnesses.

"_Dirty old man! You groped me!"_

"_How dare you lead me on! Freak!"_

"_I'm gonna demolish your inn! I swear!" _

"_Just try, you transvestite!"_

Waitresses Omasu and Okon insist that Okina has never trained as a ninja despite the fact he managed to throw his shuriken with alarming accuracy into the busy street without even scratching an innocent party. The cross-dresser was seen limping off the scene. Okina has been fined by the town council for his foolish stunt.

* * *

_Riverside Haunting?_

Two dead members of the now defunct YMSA were spotted strolling along the riverside in the late evening. Witnesses identified the specters as Yoshida and his page. Master Yoshida was killed last year in the infamous Ikeda-ya incident. His page is missing and believed to be dead. Former members of the YMSA are seeking a skilled exorcist in hopes of putting these two souls to rest. The ceremony's date and venue will be determined later.

* * *

Umeko's Kitchen

Sales are brisk. And I need to reserve rooms on behalf of the WAJ. I am rushed off my feet. Thankfully, I have a few minutes to answer your letters before my next appointment.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I am a lowly clerk working at Black Cat Mansions. My young master has been keeping undesirable company. I now suspect he was involved in the old master's brutal murder last year. He paid a huge sum to hire some criminal or something. That person is now a guest on the premises. Should I confront them?_

_- Lowly Slave_

Dear Lowly,

I strongly suggest a career change to anyone who's still working there. The place gives me the creeps and it isn't just those black cats! I strongly discourage a confrontation. You may voice your suspicions to the local police, but it's anyone's guess whether those incompetents will follow up with an investigation.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My boss can't keep his hands to himself! I am currently employed at a new and very popular inn and restaurant as a waitress. That dirty old man keeps trying to touch my bottom! I even found a spy-hole in my room. The room next to mine is his! Should I make things clear with a kunai or two?_

_- Tired of being pawed_

Dear Tired,

Maybe you should seek out employment elsewhere. An established and popular family-restaurant like Umeya will be a sound choice. We have vacancies here for experienced waitresses.

- Yours, Umeko

I must dash! I've got a date with a special someone at the Sake Shack. (Nami, does this kimono make me look sexy? Should I wear the blue or the red hairpin? Ryou-kun said the red one matches my lips but…)

_Dear Umeko,_

_  
I've got major woman problems. This girl just can't take a hint! She hangs on me all day, and nothing I do will get rid of her! I've tried avoiding her, acting strangely to scare her away, flat-out telling her off, threatening her life...nothing works! If I hear that annoying voice one more time, I think I'm going to kill her! Help!_

_  
-Pyro_

Er, (aside) Hotaru, have you been pestering someone again? Oops, Running late… (Dashes off) Nami, don't wait up for me!

* * *

Personal Apology

My sweet plum blossom, I apologize for what happened at the Sake Shack. I never told you I was married because I thought we were only friends. I never meant to lead you on. I have the greatest respect for your strength of character, generosity of spirit and wisdom. Can we still be friends? Gomen-nasai - S.R.

* * *

Apology Notice

To my friend from outside Kyoto, Gomen. Sorry for smashing that sake jar on your head in the Shack. I was a bit upset on finding that you have a family in Edo. However, I wish to continue our _purely platonic_ friendship. If you are agreeable, drop by my place. – Sugar Plum

* * *

Employment Opportunity  


Umeya hiring waitresses. Must be pleasant and willing to do housework including laundry. Experience preferred and discretion a must.

* * *

_Advertisement_

I need to upgrade my naginata urgently. Maybe a scythe-blade and a chain-and-ball ensemble. Contact Kamatari at the Sake Shack.

* * *

_Paid Ad_

My Blackie is no bloodthirsty beast. He's gentle and harmless. I let him sleep in my bed and play with the children! Leave my Blackie alone! He just needs his nightly exercise. My mansion just isn't large enough for him. You Miburou bastards will do well to keep out of his way, seeing he attacks only when threatened.

- Blackie's doting owner

_P.S. I'm still letting Blackie go out at night. A fine of 500 ryous per outing's well worth it.

* * *

_

Urgent!

Kyoto Town Council needs a skilled hunter experienced in catching or killing big cats after a policeman was killed by one such beast. Funeral and medical expanses will be paid for.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

To Souji-chan, my distant cousin, if you are reading this, help set me up with your colleague Saitou Hajime. Please. My baka brother's been chasing boys in Shimabara instead of seeing to my wedding preparations. I know this is a long shot as you probably don't subscribe to this paper but Umeko-san says she'll pass the message to you with your sweets. Meet me at Umeya for dinner, bring Saitou or be sorry…

- Your cousin, Takagi Tokio

* * *

Notice: To a certain red-haired hitokiri 

Care to explain why you were sharing your table with a pig-hugging Miburou? You were seen by your colleagues at the Sake Shack last night. We understand you haven't got over your wife's death, but do you mind being more selective of your drinking partners? And reciting humorous poetry together is much worse! Think of the Choushu Ishin's reputation!

_Reply: We're both off duty and he doesn't know I'm a hitokiri, wait, if he's reading this… gee, thanks for permanently ending our friendship. Oh well, knew it was too good to last.

* * *

_

**Author's notes:**

Sugar-plum? The kanji for Umeko's name means plum. BTW, Umeko answered the letters before the Sake Shack incident. (Ryouma's married?) BTW, Nami and Hotaru are kunoichi and waitresses of Umeya.

_Someone's _been a bad boy, hasn't he? I can't get over the black cats from the manga… Especially the panther from PMK vol 1. It kinda disappeared afterwards. Spoilers for an incident in PMK vol 3.

I don't know the exact relationship between Takagi and Okita. I'm making it so Okita and Tokio are distant cousins. And Tokio's family is real well-connected to the bakufu in Aizu.

Kamatari's a teenager in this fic's timeframe. So technically, he'll be older than Yumi in this ficcie… Argh, I'll work out the ages somehow for the companion fic.

Thanks for the reviews! They are inspirational. Suggestions welcome.


	17. Issue 16

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Yep, Katsura had Shishio fill in as the Choushu's shadow assassin (hitokiri). And he's doing a good job of it. Notice no one's heard a peep from Shishio after he got the job? Kenshin may be Katsura's bodyguard, but he is also the surface hitokiri, the one the Shinsengumi _always_ encounter. After all, that Hitokiri Battousai rep is bound to stick. Anyhow, it will be part of his job to deflect the bakufu's attention away from the _real_ assassin. So announcing that he's a hitokiri in the paper will be plausible. And Kenshin isn't just Katsura Kogoro's bodyguard. Read on! As for that wolf, wait for the later issues.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 16_

_LOCAL NEWS: Flash Mob!_

A flash mob of young women was spotted on the grounds of a local temple after news got out that the Shinsengumi's mandatory medical checks were being held. The females somehow made it past the tight guard on the Shinsengumi premises and were seen gathering outside the temporary clinic. They dispersed upon learning that Okita Souji had undergone his medical examination earlier in the day.

The guards on duty were found roasting a wild boar behind the temple's library. Their names were released as Captains Harada, Nagakura and Toudou. Chief Kondo has since punished the trio by taking away all their leave for this year, much to the dismay of Shimabara residents.

* * *

SHINSENGUMI FIASCO

Our brave peacekeepers tried to rid us of the panther that has been terrorizing our streets after the beast trespassed onto their premises late last night. It was believed that the panther was after the Shinsengumi's pigs. Several shots were fired from a cannon but the beast escaped unscathed. Damages were done to various buildings, including the dorms and the temple's library.

The Shinsengumi Vice-Chief Demon Hijikata and First Captain Okita narrowly escaped serious injury when a shot went through the room where Hijikata was giving his friend a relaxing massage. Hijikata has reportedly urged seppuku on the culprits responsible for interrupting his Souji's massage. _(Yeah, sure…)

* * *

_

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

Another year, another Gion festival to prepare menus for. The usual rates and fare. Wonder if he will watch the fireworks with me this year…

_Dear Umeko, _

_My baka deshi is ruining the reputation of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! He's been using all that I've taught him for murder! Hiten Mitsurugi is for protecting the weak! My baka deshi ran away from home and is now known in Kyoto as Hitokiri Battousai! He'll be the death of me! I'm tempted to run into town and whack some sense into him, but I swore a vow not to embroil myself in political squabbles… _

_- Master Hiko of the Hiten Misturugi Ryu (I need my sake…)_

Dear Master Hiko,

So you are the man responsible for the upbringing of this fine young man. I assure you that he has grown considerably since he left you. Now, he's channeling his abilities into protecting the happiness of others although it is regrettable he has to kill to do so … I suggest you sit back, admire the sakura, stars, moon or snow with a cup of sake. You did after all wash your hands off politics.

- Cheers, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_My friend went missing some time back. I found him. Now, he hates me with good reason. Unfortunately, I think he's gone off the deep end and seeks to harm those close to me! I fear for the safety of my friends and family. I'm currently training to be a swordsman in a certain public security body. Do you know how I can become stronger to protect those I hold dear? I fear I may have to… you know…_

_- Not Puppy-kun_

Dear Puppy-kun,

I referred your query to a master swordsman who offers you this advice:

"_Try talking to this friend and work out your misunderstanding. If he's really impervious to reason… well, I dunno. Personally, I'm still working on trying to talk down the Miburou without resorting to bloodshed. It's good you seek to protect; because only then will you become stronger. Stay the same inside. Excuse me… duty calls._"

By the way, Puppy-kun, tell your friend his candies will be home-delivered once he pays us for last week's.

- Umeko

Ryouma (From outside the window): Howdy, Sugar Plum… (waves cowboy hat)

_Nani? He's here?_ (Runs out)

Bodyguard: Umeko-dono, Katsura-san wouldn't be too happy, I'm to make sure you're… ORO! (As he gets whacked by a flying ladle from Umeko.)

Nami: Himura-san? Told you not to try stopping Umeko-san.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

WHY? Why do you have to be _that _Hitokiri Battousai? As if San-nan weren't enough… You do realize I'll have to kill you the next time we meet, do ya? (Cough, cough, cough…)

– Sou aka Capt. Okita Souji of the Shinsnegumi First Patrol.

_Reply: You SERIOUSLY need medical attention for that cough. Will leave a prescription for coughs on the temple gate. No guarantee it works given I got it from my shishou_

_- Battousai

* * *

_

_Urgent opening for exorcist_

Former YMSA members seeking Christian exorcist. We suspect our late leader Yoshida's a secret Christian after both Buddhist and Shinto rites failed to send him to the afterlife. Contact us via Umeya.

(Look! He's still hanging about the riverfront with his page… Kitamura's dead too, right?)

* * *

Notice! Oshino's Tea Pavilion

Oshino's Tea Pavilion is NOT of the same shade as those Shimabara teahouses. We are an establishment for actual tea-loving individuals, NOT hanky-panky. Aoshi-san, we have your Chinese jasmine tea leaves here. Do pick it up during opening hours. _Daylight _opening hours. We do not appreciate you calling after sunset from the rooftop. You scare Grandpa.

* * *

_Advertisement_

Gion Festival specials at Umeya! We do home deliveries. Book your rooms early for the best views of the fireworks… (Wait, they cancelled the fireworks this year…)

_Advertisement_

Shimbara Teahouse specials. Bookings open now! We regret the beautiful courtesan Akesato has literally vanished from Shimabara. We believe she has eloped with a lover. However, we have other pretty ladies to wait on you like a king. Ask for Sakura, Chidori and our other waitresses.

_Advertisement:_

Forget Shimabara sleaze halls and that dissident den called Umeya! Drop by at Aoiya for wholesome family fun! We are not a front for a shady ninja organization like the folks at Umeya and the Ikeda-ya line inns will have you believe.

(Who put this ad? _That oh-so-cool bishonen with the little ninja girl holding kunai… _NAMI! They're from Aoiya! Hey! Quit throwing kunai, you ninja brat!)

* * *

**Author's notes:**

The We-Luv-Okita-sama fan club returns. The Shinsengumi medical examinations, what better chance for the women to try peeking at Okita-sama? Oh no! Panther in the pig sty! Save Saizou the piggy! Relax, it isn't Saizou's fate in this ficcie to be eaten by a panther.

Ryouma-Umeko platonic friendship? Akesato changed her profession and her identity after San-nan's death. Someone just got on Umeko's bad side. Aoiya-Umeya competition up!


	18. Issue 17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**A-chan:** Miburou-Battousai confrontation, the infamous swordfight sequence! Actually it happened later in the timeframe… but I'm bringing it forward due to popular demand. Your letter will be answered in the next issue. And I do trry to answer letters in the companion fic.

**Sakura-Shinguji**: Yes, Akesato's that blond kunoichi. I think her real name's Sara Mann or something. She's of mixed parentage.

**Misaoshiru**: I am using the PMK manga to build the fic on. Of course, I am adding some stories to liven this up.

**M. Kasshoku:** There has to be some reason why Kenshin's so tolerant of Kaoru. Having to help Katsura-san look after his sister will be a good reason. Poor Ken has build up his patience.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Wait. Saitou will have to reckon with Tokio soon. After he steps on the toes on the WAJ chairwoman Umeko. Behind every successful man is a woman. In the coming issues, the women's association will 'help' Saitou down the path of matrimony. I have about 4 years to cover before the current volume of PMK.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 17_

Memorial Service Raided

Friends and family of those who perished in the Ikeda-ya incident were not amused when a certain peacekeeping group, led by Captains Saitou and Okita crashed their dignified memorial service in downtown Kyoto. Casualties were suffered by both sides. It was understood that the service was held in the hopes of sending the shade of the late Yoshida into the afterlife.

Yoshida's shade, and that of his page, has been sighted strolling along the river bank over several nights in the past few weeks. The shade Yoshida was described as being masked and wearing a cloak. His page was described as white-haired, of dark complexion, even for a ghost and wearing a very expensive looking outfit.

It was also rumored that they attacked a redhead child, but no one has come forward to confirm this incident.

* * *

Duel Fiasco! Top wolves vs Battousai WASHOUT!

After the Shinsengumi raided a certain inn in downtown Kyoto two nights ago, they chanced upon the mysterious serial killer Hitokiri Battousai. To the delight of the ninjas on the roofs, the Miburou raiding party included both of Shinsengumi's best: Okita Souji and Saitou Hajime.

It looked as though Okita would challenge Battousai as the young captain greeted the killer and made to draw his sword after crushing a flower he had picked and throwing the petals to the wind. However, Saitou stepped forward and held him back. Okita's kunoichi fans were sorely disappointed.

Then it was a clash of the best as Saitou's Gatotsu faced off Battousai's Hiten Misturugi Ryu. Bets were placed on who will live as the men slugged it out, causing massive damage to the shop fronts. Both fighters could not even scratch the other.

Then Okita collapsed coughing blood from suspected internal injuries suffered earlier. Battousai made use of this distraction to leap onto the roof and flee. When questioned, the hitokiri said, "I've done my part buying time for my friends to escape. There's no point in prolonging the fight."

Saitou was quoted as shouting, "Damn you, coward! Next time we meet, I'll kill you! I swear! Aku Soku Zan! Mark my words!" Only an old ninja had bet on a draw between the two and won a windfall of 5000 ryou.

_NOTICE: Aoiya Special Invite!_

I, Okina, invite every beauty in Shimabara and Kyoto down to Aoiya for a party. I just got myself a large sum of money and I wanna ask you gals out for a whole night of fun, games and good food!

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Things are very busy. I needed to get a Christian exorcist to send a departed acquaintance into the afterlife. Do you have any idea how hard that is since they outlawed Christianity all those years ago? Thank goodness I found a Dutch minister from that foreign trading company willing to perform the ceremony for a small fee.

_Dear Umeko,_

_My husband's a member of a local public security force. He spends much of his time in the barracks. Recently, I've been hearing rumors that he's GAY! He visits teahouses of dubious repute with his like-minded ahou buddies. _

_- Distressed Wife_

Dear Distressed,

You should clarify things with him, tell him how you feel and urge him to do his duty by you as a husband. If all else fails, divorce him, and take the children with you.

- Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm a boy who has suffered a tremendous shock when I witnessed my sister's murder by a kami-damned hitokiri. My hair's gone white within a few months of that and everyone keeps mistaking me for some boy called Kita-something-or-other! For the last freaking time, I'm Yukishiro Enishi and I've nothing to do with those Choushu scumbags! Quit trying to drag me to your anti-bakufu meetings! I think Okubo's a (bleep!) jackass and a Katsura's common thug. _

_- Yukishiro Enishi who hates all things Ishin_

Dear Enishi-san,

Get out of Kyoto if you wish to live. You probably have every Choushu and Satsuma hitokiri after your neck by now… Besides, a change of scenery may help you get over your sister's tragic demise. May I suggest a quiet town in the Kyushu region or further?

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I am a bodyguard working for a certain man. Recently, a new guy's joined the team from that human management department. He has a bit of a reputation... you know. Thing is, all of us guys are a bit nervous about him. Honestly, some of us fear for our lives. I have taken to sleeping in the dining hall to avoid having to bunk with him._

_- Old Guard_

Dear Old Guard,

Come on, the lad isn't that bad... Trust me. You'll catch a cold sleeping in the draughty dining hall. Just remember not to try tucking him in for the night and you'll do fine. You'll grow to appreciate your new colleague eventually, after a few good fights with the local wolf pack.

Yours, Umeko

* * *

_Personal Notice_

My brother, Nagakura Shinpachi, is NOT gay! He wasn't caught in a lewd position with his friends Toudou and Harada behind the temple library like those gossips claim! He has a perfectly sound explanation for this unfortunate misunderstanding, _once he cares to tell us… _The rumors are causing great distress to us! Desist immediately!

-Nagakura Midori (Umeko-san, do you have a naginata I can use?)

_To all you wagging tongues,_

_My chums and I were simply engaged in a friendly three-corner wrestling match over who gets the best wild boar chops. I was not doing what you think I was! _

_– Nagakura (man, the Demon's gonna kill me…)

* * *

_

Assassin for HIRE!

Want to remove that irritating someone permanently? I am a freelance assassin and a trained kunoichi willing to assist you! Leave a note in the second stone lantern from the shrine gate with your contact details at Mibu Temple and I'll meet up with you. Address all notes to Sara.

* * *

_Shamisen Classes!_

I, Takasugi, will be resuming my actual shamisen classes in the Sakura Inn in downtown Kyoto. We have vacancies for the beginner classes on Friday evenings. Reasonable prices. Contrary to rumors, I am not dying! (cough, cough)

* * *

**Author's notes:**

The showdown between Saitou and Kenshin. I don't really know when it happened, or how it ended in a stalemate.

Christianity was outlawed in Japan under Tokugawa rule. However, there were many secret Christians. Umeko must be really resourceful to get that Dutch minister given the times then. They restricted contact with foreigners. Only a small number of Dutch and Chinese merchants were allowed to trade in Nagasaki. Sakamoto founded a trading company in Nagasaki.

Poor Kenshin. Even his colleagues are terrified of him. At least he didn't have to fight Okita, yet. Party at Aoiya!


	19. Issue 18

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**A-chan:** Your letter is answered. And we learn the benefits of a social network like the Women's Association of Japan. (grin) Employment opportunities for women and social services! Medium-certification included?

**Sailor-Earth13**: Read on for more SaitouTokio developments. Disaster for Aoiya on the cards! There is a saying a blessing may be curse in disguise.

**Misaoshiru:** Glad you liked it. Watch out for the RK references as well as the PMK ones.

Poor Okita took ill after witnessing a fierce duel between two of his friends in the last issue. Another obituary? Well, just read on for the details.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 18_

OBITUARY NOTICE

Shinsengumi First Captain, Okita Souji, has perished from a lung infection. We can only lament that a fine young man had been denied the warrior's death he so richly deserves. It is rumored that his ashes have been scattered into the local river.

Yesterday morning, droves of young females threw flowers over the Shinsengumi HQ gates to mourn his passing. A redhead page sweeping near the gate was literally overwhelmed by the avalanche of flowers and had to be dug out by other Shinsengumi members. The women then thronged to the local bridge with more flowers in hand…

Surprisingly, our paper was also flooded with touching words of condolences that we were threatened to publish.

"He was a true friend and samurai. I only regret we never got to spar one more time… I will always remember those friendly sparring matches in the schoolyard and that poetry night at the Sake Shack. Rest in peace. I salute you as a fellow swordsman and samurai."  
– _A Hitokiri_

"He was a good customer who loved our sweets and cakes. He picked up his tab and those of his Miburou colleagues. We at Umeya will miss him and his piggy."  
_- Umeya management _

"Sou-niichan, rest in peace. We'll miss you… Waaahh…"  
_- Orphans of the Mibu Orphanage_

"Sou-niichan. Sorry for making up those stupid songs about you and painting those bad names on the walls."  
_- Katsu and Sano_

(Katsu! What are you doing? What is right, Sano… BIFF! POW! _Hey! Break it up! Both of you!_ Yes, Sagara taicho…)

"Yo! Oki, Ryouma wishes you peace. Will pay my respects at your tomb later!"  
– _Anonymous guy running through street

* * *

_

_LOCAL NEWS: Restaurants closed!_

Several local restaurants were closed by local health authorities after cases of food poisoning were reported. Eateries affected include the new Aoiya after guests at a party became severely ill after eating their ramen. The famous Sakura Teahouse and Peach Teahouse of Shimabara have announced temporary closure until their female professionals recover from this incident. Authorities are seeking the merchant who supplied flour to these places for help in investigations. Aoiya will be closed until further notice.

* * *

LOCAL NEWS: _Bridge Collapse_

Several young women were injured when the bridge they were on collapsed from overloading. Fortunately, no one was killed. It is still unknown why the women chose to crowd on the bridge prior to the collapse. Rumors of a mass suicide pact are rife. However, due to a recent dry spell, the water in the river is only knee-deep. No one drowned. They just suffered a couple of broken bones and bruises.

* * *

Kyoto Town Council Notice

With effect from next week, cremation of the dead will be mandatory as we are critically short of space for burials. Arrangements for cremations can be made with your nearest Buddhist temple. However, as of this notice, ashes of those who perished of suspected respiratory illnesses will not be placed in Kyoto temples due to fears of disease.

* * *

AOIYA INN STILL OPEN!

We of Aoiya regret the closure of our kitchen by the health authorities. However, our inn is still open for business. Guests will have to forgo the in-house meals. We will be slashing our room rates by half. We look forward to having our kitchen opened by the authorities.

* * *

_Addendum: Okita still alive_

_It has been brought to our attention that reports of Okita's death are a little premature. According to the Shinsengumi spokesman, he has simply been bedridden with a minor lung infection. The We-Luv-Okita-sama fan club was seen celebrating in the streets after the Shinsengumi's official statement concerning Okita. They sent about 50 plus carriers of hot soup and a fight broke out over whose soup Okita will drink. In the end, all the soup was spilt in the street.

* * *

_

Apology Notice

To the owner of the big black cat, I apologize that your pet is no more. It had the misfortune of running into me a couple of nights ago in a dark alley while I was on guard duty and I did a battou number on it. I will be glad to mail you its pelt as an apology.

– Hitokiri

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

Had to console about 50 young girls, some of whom are near suicidal. What is our young coming to? Don't they know that it ain't worth it? Imagine jumping off bridges because some ahou's kicked the bucket. Want a fine example of manhood? Look no further than Sakamoto-san. Now that's a man.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am the leader of a military youth group. The common folk support my group loads. My life philosophy is based on the belief that all men are equal. Unfortunately, I think the group to which we are a subsidiary of doesn't feel the same. I think they may want to promote me and transfer me elsewhere. What should I do? I don't want to go. I have two fine lads looking up to me. _

_- Taicho_

Dear Taicho,

You are thinking way too much. You are in jeopardy of losing your head over something that may never happen. Since you are doing so well with your youth group, I doubt they will transfer you elsewhere. Thanks for keeping those two lads from burning down my kitchen. I'll save some cakes for them the next time they drop by. It is young folks like you who make our nation's future.

Best wishes, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I've recently rented this nice old appartment in Kyoto at a really cheap price. However, there's one itty bitty problem with it...It's haunted! Full to the brim with ghosts! I've been thinking about hiring that spiritualist that's been advertised in this newspaper. You know, that Fujita Goro guy. I've heard he's the best. And considering how many ghosts are in my house, I NEED the best. The only thing is I've been hearing these weird rumors about Fujita-san...That he's a Wolf, or something...I'm scared of wolves...Especially if they're from Mibu. Do you think I should still ask for his help?_

_-Haunted_

Dear Haunted-san,

Please! Do you know that he bungled sending Master Yoshida's spirit to rest? The night after his attempted exorcism, someone saw the ghost Yoshida attacking a redhead kid. And when we tried to ask for our money back, he tried to Gatotsu us! Allow me to introduce better exorcists, like Emiko at the Mibu Sandals store or Granny Fuyue from the old shrine.

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I recently lost a good friend. Then I find out another friend of mine is a serial murderer. Then my harridan of a cousin is in town and wishes to marry another friend of mine. In addition, I've been under the weather recently. I feel as though no one cares anymore. Even my best friend's been too preoccupied with his work to play with me. _

_- Sou-chan_

Dear Sou-chan,

No one cares? What do you call your entire fan club trying to jump off the bridge on hearing of your demise? Wait, you're dead…

(Get that pig out of here before I make bacon out of it! ARGH! You-you're… Eek! GHOST!

The 'ghost': _Umeko-san! Please, Toshi will kill me if he learns I sneaked out for candy…I should've sent Tetsu-kun instead…_)

* * *

Advertisement: _Kitsu-dono's clinic cum funeral home_

I have expanded to meet demands after an increase in the number of deaths and injuries suffered by Kyoto civilians. I also deal with animal attack wounds in addition to gunshot, sword and naginata wounds. Friends and family can also check out our budget funeral packages.

* * *

_Paid ad: Personal Notice_

Hajime! You understand what a DATE is? Quit getting your friends to escort me to the plays. Well, not that I mind most of the company. However, Hei-chan's too young for me. Shinpattsan's married, and I know his wife. And Harada's an uncouth moron. He got us kicked out of the theater for his bad behavior. Next time, I want Saitou Hajime and only him to escort me to the play, not the Comedian Trio!

Tokio 

PS. Souji-chan, you escort Hajime to our next date at the kabuki theater's premiere of _Tale of Genji_, okay? Quit malingering!

* * *

Employment Opportunity:

Medical personnel needed for field duties. You must be reasonably fit and able to make spilt decisions pertaining to life and death while under pressure of battle. Training will be provided but basic medical knowledge in sword wound treatment will be an advantage. Contact us c/o the morgue.

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Need anti-ghost talismans? Ask for Emiko at Mibu Sandals. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back (unlike that guy from the Soba Place).

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Poor Suzu's pet panther's history… And poor Fujita Goro's getting the flak after he bungled his exorcism of Yoshida. (SPOILER) Actually, the real Yoshida's dead by this point and the sightings are a case of mistaken identity. Suzu's one-armed bodyguard does happen to resemble the deceased Yoshida. Even poor Tetsu got freaked out when he encountered Suzu on his evening stroll.

Kitsu-dono's running a clinic, morgue AND funeral-home? Your one-stop service centre! The Choushu Ishin is training medics for field duties. Needless to say, we know why…

Based on historical records, Toudou Heisuke is the youngest captain, not Okita. Okita's the second youngest. Hence Tokio's remark on Hei-chan. Tokio's trying her best, but Saitou keeps out-foxing her… Imagine going to the kabuki theater with the Trio.


	20. Issue 19

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M.Kasshoku:** More Saitou-Tokio madness in this issue. Saitou's starting to lose his powers alright.

**Sailor-Earth13:** Glad you like the premature obituary. Nice to see how well liked Okita Souji is, even by his 'enemies'. Actually, Okita's still very much alive for now. Well, it will be highly unlikely one will be put up in the paper when he actually dies of his illness.

A raid on Umeya led by Saitou? SPOILERS for PMK vol 4 ahead! Do continue writing to Umeko for advice.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 19_

NOTICE FROM THE EDITOR

Once more, we apologize for the delay in our latest issue. Our rented offices in the back rooms of a family restaurant were raided by some overzealous Miburou. The raid was led by Saitou Hajime of the Third Patrol. Several members of our staff were arrested, mostly women and children. Our printing press was speared by a big gorilla of a man known as Captain Harada during the raid. We needed to wait for the replacement to arrive from Nagasaki.

Due to business with our sister paper in the Satsuma region, the senior members of the editorial team, including me and Kogoro-san, were away at that time. _We did NOT run away!_ It was pure chance we were out then. According to restaurant owner Umeko-san, Saitou was reported muttering something about Okita being too soft-hearted to see the true nature of his favorite dessert shop. He then attempted to arrest Umeko.

However, his attempt was thwarted by the timely arrival of a young female customer. The captain went pale and hastily ordered his men to leave the premises via the back door. _Saitou couldn't be too happy when he discovers that the staff he arrested included the mothers and sisters of prominent bakufu figures._ As we insist once more, we're not an anti-government paper!

_- Chief Editor, Ikeda Koji

* * *

_

_Flour Scandal Suspect Dead!_

A local merchant was found dead with shuriken and kunai wounds in an alley. The said merchant was charged with selling moldy flour to Kyoto citizens. Kyoto has been plagued by food shortages since the revolt. The sale of sub-standard flour was believed to have caused numerous cases of food poisoning over the past year. He was released after investigations turned out nothing but lined the pockets of certain officials with bribes.

AOIYA RESTAURANT OPEN!

We at Aoiya Ramen Restaurant are open for business! The kami-damned rat who spoilt our ramen has been dealt with. Special half-price offers!

– _Okina

* * *

_

NOTICE: No Assassination Attempt!

Contrary to rumors, the disturbance at my residence a few weeks ago was NOT an assassination attempt inspired by my anti-Tokugawa views. I fully support the Shogunate as it deserves! The racket was caused when I threw a small private house party for a few close friends. One of my guests got a tad drunk and persuaded a female guest onto the roof with him for a bit of fun and games.

Unfortunately, their games got too vigorous. As a result, the pair punched a hole through my roof. I assure you that the ruckus was not an assassination attempt. Both guests are good friends of mine.

_- A certain bakufu official

* * *

_

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

I definitely prefer having Okita's patrol raiding my place. At least he doesn't try to Aku Soku Zan me or any of the waitresses. Thankfully, I manage to salvage some letters.

_Dear Umeko-dono,_

_I am supposed to be the bodyguard of a well-respected man. However, he has assigned me to chaperon his sister! I am to keep her away from this other man. I try to carry out my duties but this woman keeps throwing kitchenware at me whenever I raise the issue. Also, she has me working in her kitchen and doing her laundry. I am a bodyguard, not a kitchen help!_

_- Samurai-Cook_

Dear Samurai-san,

I will re-assign your duties. Do not worry about me. How about you protect the 'other man'? I just saw him running past with a patrol unit after him.

_- Umeko_

PS. Your tempura fish needs a little less salt. Keep up the good work, your cooking's nearly edible.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I think my fiancé isn't serious about me! He's been postponing our wedding for so long that I lost count. My father still wants me to marry him for political reasons. Personally, I like him. I tried getting him to go to the kabuki theater with me. Actually, I'm more a Noi play enthusiast. I'm trying to cater to his tastes here. And he fobs me off with his colleagues! Otherwise, he stands me up! He's so darn hard to corner…and I'm considered an old maid by my peers! Help! _

_- Wolf's Bride_

Dear Wolf's Bride,

Actually, it sounds as though you're enjoying the hunt. You have ample chances to ditch him. It's that hard-to-get thing, right? Try playing hard-to-get yourself. Let him know that he's not the only one for you. Use your feminine subtlety and wile. Drop by Umeya and buy him some gift cakes to melt his heart. I am more than willing to help you trap your wolf… (wink)

_- Your sister-in-conspiracy, Umeko_

Excuse me, I have some plotting to do with the aid of my WAJ sisters.

* * *

Personal Ad:

Sugar Plum, you misunderstood. The relationship between Blue-eyes and me is purely professional. Yes, I am aware of her past, but I'm employing her as my personal bodyguard because I believe she deserves a second chance, don't ya? Plus, they don't come any prettier to look at. I'm just a NICE GUY! Besides, you have five kunoichi bodyguards at your place, in addition to Red.

_Reply to Ad: Care to explain how you and that blond bimbo came to be caught in a very compromising position at the residence of our mutual friend?

* * *

_

_Advertisement_

Need a building with pleasant surroundings and privacy for plotting- I mean education of our youth as to their future aspirations. Must have large grounds and reasonable built-in security features like squeaky floorboards and secret rooms.

Contact Itou K. c/o Aizu Post Office, P.O. Box 5

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

H. Meeting at the usual place by the river outside. Further details can be found at Umeya, same place. Bring that Dragon-Horse, _preferably_ bound and gagged so he does not get the wolves onto us.

_- K. K.

* * *

_

Obituary for a former YMSA man

Nice try at trying to get into my good books. Thing is, Umeya's food and service suppresses that of Aoiya _without_ the need for low-down, dirty tricks. Even if the waitresses at Aoiya didn't get you, I'd have sent Nami to have a few words with you. Brother dear, don't you have the slightest control over your men?

* * *

Paid Ad: Notice

Can the unknown person who's been sending my Souji those get-well cakes please desist! Souji must cut down on his sugar intake for health reasons, _my health reasons_. _Boy gets too hyper and keeps me up all night…_ I'm also very interested to know how the hell you get past our guards and into Souji's room to leave your gifts. Contact H.T. at Shinsengumi offices.

(There! I've placed an ad in this rag. What? Those flipping bakufu officers want us to officially and publicly apologize for manhandling their womenfolk as well? _Curses!_)

* * *

Arigato note: 

Thanks for the gifts, Hotaru or Kenni. Whoever it is, it was real sweet of you. Thank you also for washing that bloodied uniform I left in my room and mending that torn sleeve on my haori. _- Sou

* * *

_

**Author's notes:**

Now Umeko has a reason to help Tokio. SPOILERS! Sara is Ryouma's bodyguard.

Dragon-horse refers to the kanji for Ryouma's name, I think. Anyhow, the dragon horse sculpture was symbolic of expanding horizons in Chinese history because it was closely linked to the expansion of China's Silk Route. The horse is shown soaring through the clouds with the birds. In the sculptor's attempt at mischief, three of the animal's hooves are airborne while the last is perched on the back of a swallow… oops, I'm reading a book on Chinese sculpture on the side here. Anyhow, I think this code-name is very apt for Ryouma.

Cruel and unusual punishment? Hijikata has to put an ad in the paper and apologize? Kondo's out of town with Itou and Susumu. They will not be back till spring. Someone has been sneaking cakes to Souji… I don't think it is Kenni sneaking into the wolf pen.

About Noi and Kabuki theaters, Noi was the thearter of the upper-class, such as the Takagis. Kabuki was more geared towards the masses.


	21. Issue 20

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M.Kasshoku:** About Kenshin being trained by Umeko, I figured he must have picked up his cooking skills from somewhere… Can you picture Hiko teaching Kenshin to cook?

**Sailor-Earth13:** Yes, it is one of Okita's fan-girls. One of his biggest. She's a kunoichi working at Umeya. He guessed right who she is.

Our non-dissident paper brings you a Shinsengumi official notice in this issue. All's not quite well at Umeya. Saitou-Kenshin showdown at the soba shop!

Spoilers for PMK vol 4.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 20_

SHINSENGUMI OFFICIAL NOTICE

All citizens are to be on the lookout for suspicious characters of Choushu origin. "We remind you that those miscreants are bent on spreading anarchy in our capital city!" Vice Chief Hijikata of the Shinsengumi stresses that if you are aware of any such persons, come forward immediately or risk being executed for being a co-conspirator. The authorities have been tipped off that the Choushu and Satsuma factions are up to something.

"As such, we have imposed a curfew and roadblocks. We will not spare any effort to eradicate these dogs. Aku Soku Zan. Good citizens. Rest assured that we will guard the Shogunate," the vice-chief reportedly said before he flew into a rage and drew his sword on his first captain. The first captain had just stepped out of the barracks with a dog-eared book.

He yelled, "SOUJI! It's bad enough you read those haikus aloud in the barracks but do you intend to do so outside?" The young man took off fearing for his life as we all do when faced with the Demon of the Shinsengumi. The young man passed the book to a young redhead and instantly diverted the wrath of his superior onto the hapless youth. _Another fine display of bushido from our wolves.

* * *

_

RELAY RACE or BREAKAWAY?

Citizens of Kyoto were puzzled when they observed Vice-chief Hijikata chasing various persons throughout the city streets with a sword. The persons included Captains Harada, Toudou and Nagakura. This incident further fueled rumors of internal strife in the elite swordsmen unit.

A Shinsengumi spokesperson later stated that the men were involved in a relay race as part of training and that Hijikata-san was in no way going to kill them with his sword. The sword was purely for motivation purposes as was the murderous look on the man's face. The newspaper advises the public to be wary of such training programs in the Shinsengumi. _Very wary indeed.

* * *

_

Medium Held over Soba Place Brawl

A local medium, Fujita Goro, was alleged to have tried to kill a customer in the popular Oshima's Soba Place in downtown Kyoto. Customers claimed the man suddenly snapped and drew his katana. The redhead customer who was the target of the medium's rage simply sidestepped his Gatotsu, thus avoiding serious injury. He then knocked out his attacker with a lightning fast kick to the jaw.

"I was going to seek his services in contacting my departed wife, but I think I'll look for another medium," the redhead youth was quoted as saying. Strangely, he declined to file charges against his attacker and vanished before local police arrived. The medium was taken in for questioning.

* * *

_Miburou's Best Down_

Third captain Saitou Hajime of the Shinsengumi suffered a broken jaw in what Shinsnegumi spokesman claims is a freak accident during a friendly match with his colleague. As such he will be on medical leave until his recovery. The news was received with much joy in the Choushu neighborhoods and the Satsuma region.

"I advise Saitou-san to stick with a liquid diet for the next two weeks at least. No soba, only watery porridge," the medical assistant to the group's official doctor said before fleeing to escape Saitou-san's infamous Gatotsu. A get-well-soon celebration was held in the Miburou's honor at a certain unnamed restaurant in downtown Kyoto that had suffered a downturn in business after being raided several months ago.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

Busy with New Year preparations. No, Nami, I am not throwing myself into my work to numb myself over what happened the other night… What? The letters? Of course, silly me…

_Dear Umeko,_

_I am very bothered by what happened some time ago to my superior. I'm not buying the official story! I know the man. He will NEVER desert and he will NEVER commit seppuku over any trumped-up charges. Sometimes I feel like confronting the other superior, but I think I'll come out of it shorter by a head. I'm going crazy here!_

_- Hachi (Eight)_

Dear Hachi-san,

Excuse me, lad. No one ever bought the official story of San-nan's demise. Look for someone with similar views as you to talk to. Hang in there. DON'T confront your boss, especially if he is Hijikata Toshizou. If you fail to find anyone holding the same views as you in the pack, drop by at Umeya. I'll be willing to lend my ears. As will Nami here... (_Umeko-dono!)_

My prayers are with you, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I am a back-street physician but I think some guys I work for think I'm an old witch! Koji claims I'm trying to kill him with my treatment. I think he should count himself lucky he can still feel his legs! Maybe I should consider removing them the next time he calls…_

_Not-a-witchdoctor_

Kitsu-san, hang in there, we are all very stressed these days.

_Dear Umeko,_

_I had a disastrous relationship previously but I've found another special someone. He says he's employing me as his personal bodyguard, but he's so sweet even if he's a bit eccentric at times. I think I'm falling for him. He told me my blue eyes are lovely… Am I reading too much?_

_Blond gal_

YOU! You're that blond bimbo who interrupted us at the restaurant! Keep your hands off my Ryou-kun! Why didn't you jump into the river or something after your last relationship, eh? Bitch!

_Nami: As Umeko-san's a bit worked-up, we'll be looking for alternative advice columnists. If you are mature and willing to solve the problems of others, please drop by at Umeya's kitchens for a walk-in interview. Umeko-san! You can't go out after curfew!

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Urgent meeting tomorrow night at the same place. Prepare your toolkit, Stray Dog. Will send Red to assist. Dragon-horse has secured transportation, hopefully. The girls overhead some things from the Sake Shack concerning the neighborhood wolf pack's next move. Will provide the papers needed and send them with the New Year cakes.

_- Plum Blossom

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Kogoro! I'm pretty sure when I signed that agreement with you the other night; it did not include a '_keep away from my neesan_' clause! That freaking line appeared after your page waved it over a candle! Be assured it is purely platonic between Sugar Plum and me.

_- Sakamoto_

_Reply: _Ryouma, you're so damned irredeemably indiscreet. You endanger my neesan by simply being with her. How many times do you get chased by the law this month alone? And what about your personal bodyguard?

_Reply: That's it! Both you guys need to talk. Drop by at my place for supper on Saturday. You know where. Ryouma, about the hole in my roof… when do you intend to pay for the repairs?_

_

* * *

_

Assorted advertisements: 

_New Year Mochi cakes! Get your mochi cakes at our Momo Mochi branches throughout the Greater Kyoto area. _

Tired of writing those New Year cards to relatives you never even see? Are you sick of having your friends poking fun or trying to decipher your horrendous calligraphy? Enlist the services of our professional writers! We write letters for all purposes. Drop by at Miki's Brush-house today!

_Want a private place for a quiet round of tea and poetry with a friend. Must be free of political spies. Contact me via Umeya. _

URGENT! Need information concerning the whereabouts of a certain blond bimbo who's been harassing a friend of mine. Contact me c/o this paper. _(sharpens naginata)_

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Kenshin inevitably picked up some of Okita's moves from their sparing matches in the schoolyard. Like how to disarm and incapacitate a sword-wielding attacker. More reason for the murderous intent in the Kamiya dojo ten years later.

Guess who Stray Dog and Red are. (grin) Kenshin, Ryouma and Umeko are in Kyoto. Katsura is in the outskirts of town. Umeko's getting involved in her brother's affairs. Her girls are the kunoichis of Umeya, including Hotaru and Nami. New Year mochi cakes, anyone? Comes with a secret message in the box.

Katsura pulled a fast one with lemon juice on Ryouma. He seriously objects to Ryouma and Umeko's _platonic_ friendship.


	22. Issue 21

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M.Kasshoku:** I don't think Kenshin was actually going to consult Fujita. It was more an _"oops, wrong place, wrong time"_ thing. About the haiku book theft, it has appeared in the earlier issues of the newspaper. It cost the Choushu guys one of their best doctors back in Issue 3. _A very short-sighted one. _I just decided to resurrect it for fun.

**Sailor-Earth13: **With a certain blond bodyguard with skimpy dress sense joining the already explosive mix, there'll be more fireworks from Umeko.

Thank you for sticking with me so far and reviewing

SPOILERS for Volume 4! More Kenni-Sou interaction. Ryouma and gang make monkeys of the Shinsengumi. And _someone_ puts up an ad. Tetsu watch out!

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 21_

SHINSENGUMI ROADBLOCKS FAILED!

_Wanted Criminals Make Getaway_

The Kyoto peacekeeping force has been caught napping on their feet after wanted criminals Sakamoto Ryouma and his men made it past their roadblocks. Our contact in the Satsuma region informed us that Sakamoto, in his telltale weird hat, was seen strolling through a town in the area, _well beyond Shinsengumi reach._

Sources have it that Sakamoto and his fellow rebels made it past Shinsengumi roadblocks into Kyoto where they attended a private party in town at an unknown location. Then they made it out with the same ease as they had sneaked in with.

What made it so impossible to account for this slip-up of security was the fact that Sakamoto was in the company of a young woman of exotic coloring and a group of very rambunctious ronin. They were later seen celebrating their lucky escape from Kyoto at a wayside inn. They were joined by a very sober looking red-haired youth with a cross-scar on his left cheek.

Unfortunately for Satsuma police, the gang fled the inn by the time they arrived. _Maybe someone at the Kyoto side looked the other way…_

* * *

RIVER SMUGGLING MYSTERY

The Kyoto Merchants' Guild was puzzled when local authorities questioned them on the authenticity of a travel pass issued to a non-registered member. Everything seemed in order except for the fact that the merchant's boat was registered as stolen under the local river police files. Speculation is rife that these merchants were in fact smugglers and we wonder how the Shinsengumi men manning the river checkpoint on the day in question failed to uncover any contraband. The guild denied ever issuing the pass. It is believed to be a clever forgery.

* * *

NOTICE:

_Umeko's Kitchen_ is temporary suspended as Umeko is ill with a bad cold. She's been throwing a bloody tantrum in her room since someone skipped town with someone. Thank Buddha I got her naginata away from her…

_Hotaru, Editorial Assistant

* * *

_

Sake Shack Notice

The results are out! The Choushu rebels got away. Winners please come to collect at the Sake Shack tonight during the second watch. A friend promised he'll keep his unit away from us then. Hei-san, we will donate your winnings to the Mibu Orphanage as you requested.

_Nagi

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Hajime-san, my porridge isn't THAT bad… Quit disappearing whenever I call! _- Tokio

* * *

_

_Paid Ad:_

Kenni! Do you have a death wish? You paraded in front of my patrol with a Choushu banner. Then you slashed our standards to rags while taunting us. Then you let us chase you into a dead end alley where you escaped via rooftop. You pulled the same stunt with Nagakura's men at the HQ gate. We had to divert three of our patrols from the roadblocks. We found you waiting for us at the bridge, still waving that banner… and you gleefully let us chase you through town while singing. You pulled the bloody thing _not once_, but twice! Is your master and teacher by any chance Sakamoto Ryouma?

What's this with the Umeya's Specialty candies you left on my table with the apology note… HELL! You were a decoy for your Choushu masters!_Sou (coughs up blood from frustration)

* * *

_

Paid Ad:

Sou, by the time you read this, I'll be out of Kyoto. My sincerest apologies for the trouble I've caused you and your men. I will accept your invitation for a duel as made in that dead end alley that next time I am in town. Feed Saizou a carrot for me. Duty calls. Take care of your health please. Hope to see you soon. -_Kenni

* * *

_

_Advertisement:_

Need a travel pass urgently? Need that letter of recommendation for a dream job? Sick of red tape? Knock on the second door on the left in the alley behind Miki's Brush-house. Customer satisfaction guaranteed.

* * *

Advertisement:

Need cannons, muskets and modern weapons? Contact us. Put your orders with the two spooky-eyed kids or the one-armed giant with the big blade. Or just tie your order to one of our roving black cats and we'll contact you.

_Chief Executive S. _

P.S. If you have any info on a redhead page in a Kyoto peacekeeping force, preferably _how to totally make him suffer mentally and emotionally_, pass it to us for a handsome reward.

* * *

EDITOR'S DESK: LATEST NOTICE

Due to the mass transfer of our editorial staff to our offices outside Kyoto, we regret to have to temporarily cease our publication. Chief Editor Ikeda Koji has also left for medical treatment in Nagasaki after several rather painful sessions at Kitsu-dono's failed to improve his back. Umeko-san's still a tad worked up over the fact that her crush was seen with a blond bimbo. However, the remaining staff of New Kyoto Post will be making arrangements for a management change. We are currently looking at an agreement with the Women's Association of Japan.

_Nami, personal secretary to Umeko-san_

P.S. Due to complaints about a certain lecher about Aoiya, the WAJ will be opening a self-defence class at Umeya. Women of all ages are welcome to sign up. Bare-hand combat and naginata handling will be taught. Hotaru-san has offered to give kunai-handling lessons as well.

* * *

_URGENT NOTICE! Missing Person_

Umeko has broken out of her room and was last seen running off in what she claims is the direction to Satsuma. Of course, that is the direction to the hills. Please, help us look for Umeko-san. Her direction sense is very appalling…

Umeko is a matron in her early forties. Short, very good figure with black hair. Last seen wearing Umeya's trademark pink and white floral print uniform. Armed with a naginata. Members of the Choushu are to be on the lookout for everyone's favorite Aunt Umeko.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

(Historical Fact) First month of 1866, Ryouma and Katsura sneaked into Kyoto to for a very important meeting with their Satsuma counterpart. The Stacho Alliance was later formed between Saigo of the Satsuma and Katsura of the Choushu with the aid of Sakamoto.

I figured that they'll not be out of the woods yet, especially in Kyoto. So they'd probably sneak back out. Kenshin mocking the wolves? Sakamoto must have suggested that.


	23. Issue 22

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M.Kasshoku: **Kenshin was fully sober and very sorry about what he did to poor Sou. He did not enjoy it at all. Ryouma came up with the idea. Besides, it was either Kenshin or him who has got to shake off the wolves. Since they needed Sakamoto to be peacemaker between the Satsuma and Choushu clans, guess who got the job. Well, there were some hints of a more than professional relationship between Sakamoto and Sara the bodyguard in the PMK manga volume 4.

**SailorEarth13: **I agree with you on the Sou-Kenni friendship. They were quite similar in many aspects. About a certain pervert, he will be pestering the ladies of Kyoto for a while, a very long while. His latest target? Umeya waitresses!

What happens when a very stressed-out physician and morgue-keeper takes over Umeko's column? A certain former shinobi is back! Another message from the other side for the wolves.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 22_

_Latest Notice from the Editor's Desk_

While Koji is away, I will be filling in for him. I have calmed down and am fully capable of running this newspaper with the aid of my sisters in the WAJ. I apologize for all the trouble and worry I've caused during my absence. I stayed with an interesting but arrogant gentleman in his mountain shack after spending two weeks bashing around in the forest.

I thank Hiko-san for rescuing me. Indeed, I was surprised to learn that we have a common friend and a mutual love for shogi, poetry and good sake. I spent an enjoyable time playing shogi with a true master. Be assured, Hiko, that I have no intention of asking you to embroil yourself in these turbulent times. As you say, _it is an enjoyment simply soaking in the calm and beauty of nature._ Cheers!

_Interim Editor Umeko

* * *

_

OFFICIAL NOTICE: NO SPLIT!

The Shinsengumi denies all rumors of a split in the ranks initiated by Military Advisor Itou. "We're one big happy family here!" Chief Kondo Isami insists even as Vice-Chief Hijikata and Itou seem to be engaged in a staring match behind him. "We are very reasonable in our regulations and there is always room for discussions."

When reminded of the late Yamanami Keisuke, the man lost his tongue and Hijikata was obliged to take over the press conference. "What happened to San-nan was a simple misunderstanding, like what happened at a dingy little restaurant some months ago."

"Rest assured that we are united in our efforts to stomp out any anti-Shogunate forces! May I remind you of the Ikeda-ya affair in which our men have proven their valor and determination to protect Kyoto and its citizens." _Oh sure…

* * *

_

FUSHIMI: SHOGUNATE FORCES THWARTED

_Mystery Rescuer_

Teredaya in Fushimi, a sister inn of Kyoto's Ikeda-ya, was attacked by pro-Shogunate forces. Our Satsuma offices report massive carnage that was believed to be sparked off by a minor family disagreement and too much sake. Suspected combatants included Saigo of the Satsuma clan and members of the Choushu. Then a mysterious schoolboy came running to the rescue of both Choushu and Satsuma men. He severely wounded or killed half of his opponents.

Some of the Shogunate men suffered gunshot wounds. A dark man with a weird hat and his blond companion were seen fleeing the scene. He was quoted as yelling to the others, "Hell now, we wouldn't be here if you had not spent so much time wrangling and signed the treaty last year instead!"

Despite weeks of investigations, Fushimi authorities have yet to confirm if the mystery man was indeed Sakamoto and the schoolboy the infamous Battousai of Kyoto.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen/ Kitsune's Morgue:_

Since Umeko isn't back yet, I, Kitsune, or Kitsu-dono as I am more commonly known in these parts, will answer your letters.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I always wanted to be great shinobi like my late neesan. However, a couple of kunoichis sent me packing. Recently, I wound up becoming a doctor to the Shinsengumi. Did I make the right choice? Am I letting my sister down? Neesan always said I'll be a great shinobi one day. Er, and there's this young samurai who has been seeking my professional attention although I think it's simply a case of severe growing pains… Er, it's just growing pains, right? Nothing else, right? (sweat-drop)_

_Shinobi-turned-Doctor_

Dear Susumu-chan

First wrong career move, working for a pack of bakufu wolves. It's all downhill from there. You've made a good choice in your career change. I've heard about some jerk trying to spear you whilst you were in the attic with that Sou-chan over some damned book. Stay alive, Susumu. That's what your neesan will have wanted. Don't get involved with those samurai types! They are nothing but trouble. Even if they have red hair and are kinda cute.

Aunt Kitsu

_Dear Umeko,_

_I'm a nice guy! Come on, we both run successful restaurants. Why don't we have a merger? You are in pretty good shape yourself. Why don't we find somewhere to get to know each other better?_

_Wanna know you better_

Dear Okina,

I speak not only for Umeko but for all Kyoto's womenfolk. _Want to be castrated, you pervert?_ I'll be glad to oblige. You better not be the guy sneaking into the women's baths!

Aunt Kitsu

_Dear Umeko,_

_I heard from a friend you are good at this… I have survived a past seppuku attempt. Recently, my old wound has been giving me problems. Should I see a doctor? I am scared of doctors…_

_Not Capt Harada_

Aha! A samurai. Why don't you finish what you started? I look forward to seeing you in the local morgue. By the way, you do know your pig-hugging friend's on his way out, right? Bets! Who's the first to go? Takasugi or Okita? And Hijikata! Have you caught any embarrassing ailments from those cheap whores you're so fond of? Got a mat to wrap you up in before tossing you to the wild dogs.

_Editorial Note: Due to her extreme political views, Kitsu-dono will not be handling this column any more. Instead, she'll be cooling her head in a cell, or on a bench on the execution ground…We need a new physician! The Miburou just arrested ours!

* * *

_

Notice of Congratulations

We gals of the Red and Black Club will like to congratulate Yamazaki Susumu on earning his qualifications as official Shinsengumi physician. We hope that you will be as good a physician to the Shinsengumi as you were their shinobi. That way, you save us the trouble of us having to pick them off ourselves.

* * *

_Paid Ad_

Susumu-chan! I always knew you and your sis would make better physicians than ninjas. It's just your old man was too blind to see the benefits of letting you train as my medical assistants. I was kidding about using you two as test subjects then!

– _Aunt Kitsu of the clinic by the morgue

* * *

_

_Thank You Notice_

We of Umeya thank potter Hiko Seijirou for escorting Umeko-san back into Kyoto. However, we must say, you could've saved us considerable worry and trouble if you had at least bothered to send word to us when you come into town for your weekly sake pick-up at the Shack.

* * *

Missing Persons:

I am searching for my daughter, Yukishiro Tomoe, aged 19, and her brother, Enishi, aged 13. They have not been in touch with me since they left Edo for Kyoto in the two springs ago. Tomoe is slim, quiet, with long black hair and a demure manner. Enishi is very close to his sister and was last seen wandering around holding her purple parasol. If you have any information on their current whereabouts, contact Yukishiro of Edo at Honda-ya.

_Reply to Ad: _

_We regret to inform you that your daughter has died. Her gravesite is at the old Kyoto Public Cemetery. She was a good, kind-hearted girl. Sorry we have no clues as to the fate of her brother. The fact she had a brother is news to us former Kohagi Inn waitresses.

* * *

_

Notice from Emiko, Psychic 

Got this from a late Shinsengumi guy who has been trying to get the message through to a certain comrade _who kept_ _walking_ _through him_ over the past months. Yes, I normally don't do those messages, but I'm making an exception for this poor soul's persistence.

_Toshizou, please remember that little chat we had before I left this world. DON'T do anything you will regret later! Hajime! You were supposed to talk sense into him. Souji, sorry about giving you and the other guys a bad time. Please be assured that I never blamed you for what happened then. _

_Akesato-san, I am glad you found that special someone. I apologize for having ever doubted you then. I wish you both all the best. Tetsu, don't you neglect Saya-chan now, okay? Heisuke, please be careful. Don't do anything you'd regret later. Susumu, your sister wishes you all the best in your new career. _

_San-nan

* * *

_

**Author's notes:**

(Historical Fact) The Teredaya Inn ambush happened in1866, Ryouma narrowly escaped being killed.

I don't know if it the Stacho treaty had been signed then, but I assume it has. Sakamoto and gang are still very much wanted by the bakufu for their activities.

Kitsu-dono has something against samurai, in particular, Hijikata. Maybe he zanned her husband or son. She also knew the Yamazaki siblings and their ninja-doctor father. Yukishiro senior's looking for his offspring. Saitou's lost most of his cool psychic powers by now.


	24. Issue 23

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**M.Kasshoku:** Yes, Okina's one brazen chap, isn't he? About Kenshin and Ryouma, Ryouma's crazily wild and Kenshin's serious when it comes to his work. They would make an interesting team. Unfortunately, the chances for further interaction between them are limited. Ryouma has his own bodyguard and Kenshin's direct boss is Katsura. Kenshin and his boss will be away for a while.

**SailorEarth13: **In RK, the man was living in various dumps. There has to be a reason for that. Imagine losing both his son and daughter. Of course, he did take a long while to get worried.

**SakuraShinguji: **Nice to hear from you. I was afraid developments in my fic have put you off. Okita dying? Well, sadly, Okita doesn't have much time left, neither does Takasugi. In those days, TB was a death sentence. Kitsu-dono can be so mean at times. And Saitou is turning into his RK form.

More Saitou-Tokio madness. Why does Aoshi have a low opinion of Saitou?

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 23_

EDITOR'S NOTICE

We apologize for the delay in this issue as we were suspended for investigations once more as a result of a misunderstanding. We assure you that we fully support the emperor! The anti-samurai sentiments expressed by our temporary advice columnist were caused by her exhaustion with having to deal with a flood of samurai patients.

As such, members of the Women's Association of Japan have volunteered to assist at Kitsu-dono's clinic. We thank Hijikata-san for being so understanding and releasing Kitsu-dono after a series of fierce private negotiations by a friend with connections to the Aizu officials.

_Arigato, Okita-san, for spending those long nights talking to Hijikata-san. You look peaked, have you been sleeping at all? Your boss hasn't been keeping you up all night, has he?_

_Interim Editor, Umeko

* * *

_

Editorial: 

Temples are Holy Ground! Keep it that way!

I am VERY disgusted by what I observed the other day on the grounds of a local temple. I went into the place seeking to meditate but left with a bad taste in my mouth. I found a good meditative spot to observe my surroundings and gather, I mean contemplate my life when I heard strange noises from behind the library.

I was horrified to find the source as a member of the Shinsengumi, _in his uniform_, frolicking with a young female! I understand that they are co-occupying the temple premises, but surely this- this recreational activity is better suited for, let's say, Shimabara. I recognized the man involved as a captain, mind you.

I am utterly put off by the group's disregard for holy ground. I heard they allowed seppuku and executions to be carried out there as well. _This is blasphemy!_ I will resume my meditations elsewhere.

Traveler, Shino Mori (_Satisfied Aoiya guest_)

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

I am pleased to hear one of my acquaintances will be married soon. Good for you, girl! Looks like Umeya will be booked to cater to a wedding in the near future.

_Dear Umeko,_

_My kid brother has been growing up at an alarming rate. You see, since the death of our parents, I have been acting as his guardian. He is always small for his age, and a bit loud. I had to protect him… First, he insisted on joining a peacekeeping unit. Then he got to know this girl. Nowadays, he spends more time with this girl and his kendo than with me! Yesterday, I lengthened his trousers only to find that he had shot up a good three inches! I think I'm losing him!_

_Dragon Boy_

Dear Dragon Boy,

Children grow up. Get on with it. Don't smother your brother with your over-protectiveness. Allow him to lead his life and grow. You say he has a girl? Maybe it is time you consider your own happiness. Our Nami here's smart, pretty and single… _(Umeko-san!)_

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I don't normally read this paper, but I'm too embarrassed to seek advice in my usual circles. My fiancée called on me after I finished my shift. We started talking and she asked me to drink with her. I assumed she brought tea but it turned out she added something to it… She offered to give me a massage. Then, you know… And some monk informed my immediate superior! He caught me with my hakame down and…you know… And not only my superior caught me, my fiancée's cousin was with him. Needless to say, he was far from amused. My boss just ordered me to marry her or commit seppuku. What should I do?_

_Trapped Wolf_

Dear Wolf-san,

Congrats. Marry her immediately. You do know that Okita takes a serious view of you cheating his cousin of her affections, don't you? Your fiancée asks that you not _Gatotsu_ her WAJ sisters who aided her in coming up with the plan. She does cook very nice soba, you know… Wishing you conjugal bliss and many children.

Umeko _(Kio-chan, you shouldn't have gone all the way…)_

Must dash, got to advise a certain bride-to-be on the details. _(Nami, can you look into suitable venues for hosting Takagi-san's wedding?)

* * *

_

_Personal Ad_

Yo! Dragon Boy, Iron Boy. We need to talk, serious. I must tell you guys some things concerning your father, though you may not believe me. Meet me at Umeya. Er, correction, please meet me at the old wooden bridge on the west side of town by the abandoned water-mill.

Nice Guy Ryouma

* * *

Advertisement: 

Desperate to get that Mr. Right to notice you? Tired of being out done by the next geisha? Drop by for our love charms and potions. Ask for Emiko at Mibu Sandals.

* * *

_With reference to Ad for Lost Pet:_

Black cat named Tinklebell. Went missing during an errand.

_Reply:_ Itou-san, received your message. However, Tinkerbell is no more. Well, sorta. Its guts are all over the tatami here. Got on the wrong side of my bodyguard. Send your man to pick up your replacement kitty. Please give it a better name.

* * *

Employment Ad: 

Need lacquer master for maintenance of a skull. Contact me at Kyoto's Black Cat Mansion.

* * *

Thank you Notice

I thank you all in the WAJ for helping to make a girl's dream come true. I thank you for all your gifts for the coming wedding. I will mail the invitation cards once we fix the date. However, I regret to say I must return the black widow's kimono to Kitsu-dono. I'm sure this 'gift' was an honest mistake on her part.

Takagi Tokio

_Reply: _

_Girl, that widow's kimono is not a mistake. Given his line of work, you'll need it when you join our club. _

_Warm regards, Widow Kitsune

* * *

_

NOTICE: Black and Red Ladies' Club

Quit sending me those women's kimonos and wigs! I am not interested in providing entertainment for your riverside bashes! Not even for Saitou-san's bride's bridal shower! And I am not into kinky games with my boss or my pal Tetsu.

Red and Black chairwoman S. Kiku, want me to pass your club's membership list to your okashira brother? He has been wondering why his neesan has a dead-end job at a crummy place like Umeya after getting the boot from the Oniwabanshu.

Doctor to the Shinsengumi, Yamazaki Susumu.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Tokio scores! Hear the wedding march? Black humor from Kitsu-dono of the Kyoto morgue clinic. Poor Susumu is still being harassed by the kunoichi. Kiku (Kikujo) is another OC from _Silent Stars._ She is the elder half-sister of the Oniwabanshu's okashira. Unfortunately, she is not going to appear much in this fic.

Read and Review welcome as always.


	25. Issue 24

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**SailorEarth13: **Saitou pulls a quick one on poor Tokio in this issue. Dun think the Ichimuras read the ad from Ryouma. Anyhow, they have more things to worry about. (SPOILER!) In volume 4 of PMK, Tetsu did meet Ryouma by chance when he was trying to ask Saitou his reason for defecting. And Ryouma did have a talk with Tetsu. Saitou was not interested in arresting Ryouma at all but chose to ignore him. (?) Buddha knows what the man was thinking.

**M.Kasshoku: **What makes you think Aoshi'sthere to meditate? He was most likely there to observe _certain persons_ in the group, since Yamazaki's the doctor now. Needless to say, Aoshi's tendered his resignation as Shinsengumi shinobi after this. Yes, katana weddings existed. Especially if a lady of noble blood is involved. Okita, being distantly related to the bride, would have marched Saitou down the aisle at katana point if it weren't for certain _incidents._

The breakaway. Yep, it is coming… Okita is haunted by Kichi's past activities. Saya writes in for advice over a particular customer at her workplace. Tetsu, PANIC!

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 24_

SHOCK! Shinesengumi breakaway

Military Advisor Itou has announced his sudden resignation form the Shinsengumi as a result of numerous disagreements with the Vice-Chief Hijikata. In addition, Itou has announced that he is taking several men from the Shinsengumi, rumored to include Captains Toudou and Saitou.

Surprisingly, Hijikata did not insist on enforcing the group's strict code of seppuku for leaving. Kyoto citizens were surprised to see Itou and his followers actually walk out of the compound alive and unharmed. Our paper warns Itou-san and gang to be wary of any future attempts on their lives.

* * *

WEDDING SHOCK! Groom defects on Big Day

The long awaited union of Saitou Hajime and Takagi Tokio, the only daughter of the daimyo of Aizu, was delayed yet again when the groom failed to show at the local Kyoto community hall for the nuptials. Instead, a page delivered a letter of apology to the bride-to-be. It is rumored that Saitou has defected along with Itou, the Shinsengumi's former military advisor. The bride was inconsolable at this news. She was seen sharpening her naginata.

Her distant cousin, Okita Souji, was outraged by Saitou's actions and had to be restrained by the Shinsengumi Vice-chief Hijikata Toshizou. He was seen coughing up blood later from aggravating a previous injury and had to be escorted back to the barracks by the concerned vice-chief. It was whispered that Okita has been harassed in _a certain manner (cough) _by the bride's brother prior to the ceremony. His young lordship was seen trying to persuade Okita to wear what appeared to be a bridal kimono. But no one has confirmed this.

* * *

NOTICE of CLARIFICATION

Contrary to those rumors being spread, Kameyama Shachu does NOT run guns! We are purely a legitimate export business dealing in silks, fabrics and women's cosmetic products. Please desist in spreading those lies! Constant raids by local authorities are seriously ruining our reputation in the eyes of our foreign trading partners.

Saigo-san, your goods have arrived. Please send your men to pick them up at the usual place, Yodo, after dark. We apologize for getting the powder wet in the last shipment. We assure you that this batch of goods will meet your requirements.

Spokesman, Yodo Branch Office

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Umeko-san has suffered a severe emotional breakdown after discovering that her _platonic_ male friend is cohabiting with a blond bimbo and got the gall to send a Western-type picture of them together to her with his letter. I, Takagi Tokio, will be answering your letters. Yes, all men are pigs! My fiancé ran off with a pack of men on our wedding day!

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am a mute girl working in Shimabara. I have a special someone. I try going all out to get him despite the differences in our stations. He is sweet to me but lately, he seems pre-occupied. _

_Recently, there's a new patron at the teahouse where I work. I know him by sight from sometime ago. He was once a friend of Tetsu's but I gather there's some bad blood between them now. Anyhow, he appears to be trying to buy me out. What's a girl with no say to do?_

_Saya_

Dear Silly Girl,

You have an ardent admirer who is willing to buy you out of Shimabara and you're not satisfied! Try having your baka fiancé ditch you seven times!

Takagi Tokio (fume!)

_Dear Umeko-san, _

_Help! I am being harassed by a distant relative! He insists on playing certain 'games' with me that I do not care for, at least not with him. He claims that we have played them before at a certain Shimabara teahouse, and that I enjoyed them! _

_The last time I recalled playing a game with him was at age nine at the Takagi place. And he was playing "Dunk the Runt in the Koi Pool". I nearly drowned! Then I got packed off to the Kondo place... Normally, I would have made it clear to him with my sword, but his dad is sponsoring my peacekeeping group! Help! I'm afraid Toshi will zan him soon for harassing me. Then I'll really have to work in a teahouse…_

_- No-More-Games (Argh! For the last time, I don't want to play Frisk-in-the-Futon! )_

Souji-chan,

You poor thing. Are you malingering again? Wait! This 'relative' sounds like my no-good brother. Rest assured I will see to your problem personally. After all, what are cousins for? A letter to Papa should suffice. Papa will be very interested as to where my wedding funds went…

Takagi Tokio (must get Papa to disown that no-good brother of mine… then I can use my naginata on him.)

_Dear Umeko,_

_I have to postpone my wedding due to reasons pertaining to work. I think my bride doesn't get it. It's a hush-hush kinda thing… you know… How should I explain? _

_S.H._

HAJIME!

I DON'T GET IT? Work, work, that's all you think about! FINE! Go marry your boss or something! BAKA MIBUROU!

* * *

_Advertisement: _

Kameyama Sanchu Trading Company of Nagasaki for honest, lawful business with the greater world. Do not be deceived by that other business group built on illegal gambling dens and brothels in Hiroshima! We are absolutely trustworthy,_ unlike them.

* * *

_

Employment Opportunity in Merchant Navy 

Want men to crew ships. Must be brave and willing to take risks. _Big risks._ Experience in sailing at night under stressful conditions advantageous. Training will be provided. Join us and see the world! Apply to Kameyama Sanchu Yodo branch.

* * *

Advertisement:

Arai Seiku's Weapons Manufacture and Maintenance. Downtown Kyoto. We forge and maintain traditional Japanese weapons of high quality.

* * *

_Advertisement:_

Aoiya is proud to introduce their 24-hour home delivery service. Now you can sate your ramen cravings even late at night. Bet you can't match that, Umeya! I, Okina, will personally handle late night deliveries to lonesome females if they are pretty.

_Reply from WAJ: _

_You lecher Okina, keep away from us. You make us lose our taste for ramen. Note that we will be forced to obtain a restraining order against you if you do not stop your nonsense. If we see you under our windows at night, we will not hesitate to use our naginatas on you. After the boiling oil, of course.

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Itou, congrats on your career move. Surprised you got that Saitou and Toudou to move with you. I strongly advise you to be wary of the Demon's next move. Come by my usual room at the old teahouse same time for a treat on me. Got a pretty little shamisen player to provide the evening's entertainment. I'm kinda of interested in meeting the elusive Saitou Hajime myself. Can you get him to come too? Do you want sashimi or soba?

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Suzu, we need to talk. I think the death of your master has really pushed you over the edge but you settle this with me and only me alone. Leave everyone else out of it, do you hear? You didn't sabotage the wedding of Okita-san's cousin, did you?

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I cooked up the bit about Saitou and Tokio. Takagi Tokio's from Aizu and a daimyo's daughter. I don't know whether Itou broke away from the Shinsengumi in1866 or 1867. I also don't know when Saitou was ordered by Hijikata to take steps to neutralize Itou and followers.

(Historical Fact) Sakamoto established his Kameyama Shachu, Japan's first modern company, in the Kameyama Hills, in the east of Nagasaki, overlooking the bay in the spring of 1865. Kameyama Shachu was the precursor to the Kaientai, established by Sakamoto in Nagasaki in April 1867. Through these trading and shipping companies, Sakamoto and his men ran guns for the Satsuma and Choshu revolutionaries, which they procured through foreign arms dealers in Nagasaki.

About Saya's customer, in the manga, there's no mention whether Suzu visited Shimabara after the Ikeda-ya incident. But if he's out to make Tetsu miserable… As I said, Tetsu, panic.


	26. Issue 25

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**Maeko-Nohara:** So nice of you to join in the reviews. I had loads of fun writing this fic and its Meiji era companion fic. (There's more of Hiko and Katsu in the companion fic). I don't really follow the events in the series that strictly. Some of the incidents are pure fiction. I do not know when Hei-san got killed, but I may write it in. Poor Tokio. But Saitou's not out of the woods yet. Thanks for providing the date.

**M.Kasshouku:** Tokio can do more than send a hitokiri after her runaway groom. After all, her pa's a leading bakufu official.

**SailorEarth13:** Aspiring spy Saitou will have a complication with his mission. The complication is feisty and of noble blood. Tokio will** still** get her wolf. Okita has other commitments at the moment. His cousin problems will sort themselves out. Sooner or later.

**Swirly:** Nice of you to join us for more wackiness. More of Kenshin…

More Saitou and Tokio. Is their wedding really off? And Kenshin's back in town! Lost cats again? Someone's too trigger, I mean, spear-happy. Read on.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 25_

Editor's Desk

We apologize for the delay in our publication due to certain management problems. Nami and Hotaru had a bit of a quarrel over whether further credit should be extended to a certain customer during my illness. They suffered numerous cuts and bruises in the ensuing cat-fight but are on their way to recovery. I beg for your understanding and patience. Do continue to support us. - Interim Editor, Umeko (Okita, please remember to pick up the tab for your wolf friends.)

* * *

ANNOUNCEMENT

I, Takagi Tokio, hereby break off my engagement to Saitou Hajime. I am not going to put up with this even for the good of the Takagi clan as I have my own honor to consider. Feel free to disown me if you wish, father. Note, Saitou-san, I am ditching you this time! We're through!

Don't think of sending Souji-chan to plead for my forgiveness. Souji-chan, the fake blood was a nice touch. You always were a malingerer, since you came to live with us at age six! If I see you coming on Hajime's behalf, you'll have to answer to my naginata. Baka Miburou.

I also condemn my brother for weaseling off with my wedding funds to pay for his Shimabara Boys' Teahouse entertainments! Souji-chan, if he harasses you again, you can ask Hijikata-san to help. Or just _zan_ him yourself!

* * *

_Damages Awarded to Aoiya_

Local family restaurant Aoiya claimed an unspecified amount of damages against the Shinsengumi after a waitress was wounded when an overzealous Capt. Harada of the Tenth Patrol threw a spear at her. It was understood the woman was doing a night-late delivery using a short-cut route over the rooftops at the time of the incident. The identity of the waitress has been withheld. The incident was ruled an accident.

Sure, and they still have not paid our candy delivery-girl's medical fees after the same captain nearly killed her the other day with his spear… OKITA! We're not home-delivering your candies any more! Not until your friend restrains himself.

_(Hotaru: Umeko-san…)

* * *

_

LATEST NEWS: Daimyo of Aizu visits Kyoto

The Daimyo of Aizu, Lord Takagi, has honored our fair city with a visit. His palanquin was seen stopping before the infamous Boys' Teahouse in Shimabara where his enraged lordship collected his wastrel son. Lord Takagi Junior was caught red-handed in the futon with a minor by his sire.

It was understood that the young man was to act as his sister's chaperon in Kyoto as Lady Takagi Tokio prepares for her wedding to a certain Shinsengumi captain. The wedding has been postponed continuously over the last three years.

The daimyo's men later interrupted a women association meeting to collect his daughter. Lady Tokio was found sewing baby blankets. Certain reliable sources have it that in the past month after her near-wedding, she has been displaying the classic signs of morning sickness. She has also purchased a cradle. Her father insisted that she return to the family estate in Aizu after spending an ungodly time running wild in Kyoto.

A local medium, named Fujita Goro, has also been summoned to the daimyo's estate. When cornered at the Soba Place, Fujita-san tried to resist but went pale and left with them after being shown that baby blanket with the wolf print design.

* * *

BACK-STREET GRADUATION

A strange graduation ceremony took place in the wee morning hours outside Kyoto morgue. Well-known back-street physician Kitsu-dono bid a fond farewell to twenty of her students, both male and female after they completed their two week course. It is understood that the male medical professionals will be leaving for active service with a military organization.

The ceremony was rudely interrupted by the arrival of a corpse and Kitsu-dono had to resume her regular duties at the morgue. However, Kitsu-dono assures everyone that her students are every bit as good as those physicians working for the bakufu, maybe even better trained.

_Red and Black Ladies Club: Yamazaki-san, you really messed up that op. Saw your patient at Kitsu-dono's morgue.

* * *

_

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Yes, I've recovered from my illness and am fully capable of answering your letters.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_Our friend just left us. We were the Comedian Trio, for crying out loud. How can we be a trio with just the two of us?_

_Comedian Trio minus One_

Dear Three minus One,

I suggest a name change. Something like the Comedian Duo?

Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I have been waiting to hear the goods news concerning my little girl's marriage for three (beep) years! As I am a busy man, I have left the preparations in my son's capable hands. He keeps reassuring me that the preparations just need more money, which I NEVER begrudged him. It's all for my precious baby's big day…_

_Busy Father_

Dear Busy-san,

It's time you really consider taking time off work and checking on your offspring.

Umeko

* * *

_Personal Ad: _

Tokio, please don't be rash! According to someone I had a nice long chat with last night, I heard that Hajime's serious about you… well he better be… He's simply away on official business and intends to fully do his duty by you.

– Souji (cough, cough)

* * *

_Reply to posted ad on notice board:_

Referring to Ad _"Lost black cat with pink ribbon collar and bell",_ I apologize profoundly for you loss. My young charge was practicing her kunai throwing skills and nailed your pet.

Shinomori (very satisfied guest of Aoiya. You must try their ramen supreme! And their udon is simply divine!)

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

We NEED a better messaging system. Your black cats are not that foolproof! I've lost five already! Why don't I send one of my trusted men down to your place with the messages? - Itou

(_Saitou! where's the man gone?)_

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Sou. If you are sure you're up to it in your state, meet me at Umeya at lunchtime. Umeko-dono has baked her special cookies and I'll like you to sample them over a cup of green tea as we discuss some poetry.

* * *

_Personal Ad:_

Ken-san! Secured a morgue cart from Kitsu-dono's place. Awaiting further instructions from you though I can't figure you samurai types out. You guys get along so well and you both want to duel to the death? – Sagara S.

P.S. Umeko-dono requests that you do not duel in her restaurant.

* * *

Advertisement: 

Kitsu-dono's morgue clinic now offers abortion services for those sorely regretted mistakes. _Someone_ has been a very bad boy. Right, Hijikata? Or was it Hajime? My old woman's memory fails me… Now who was it who was caught? Must be Hijikata. He's the skirt-chaser…

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I don't know when Saitou got married. This version of a wedding is a pure fabrication not based on history. I let Sagara and Kenshin be on very good terms with each other. Sagara did have the ability of commanding respect and I gather from Kenshin's words to Sano ten years later that he respected Sagara as well.

Kitsu-dono can't resist taking a whack at Hijikata-san. Someone better face his responsibility…


	27. Issue 26

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**A-chan:** As I said, this is my version of it. Maybe they knew each other from the Bakumatsu era but never registered their civil marriage till the Meiji era. I mean, Saitou was summoned by his irate father-in-law over Tokio's health. As for Tsumoto's birth date, if you've read the companion fic, his age tallies with history. Will figure a way to get about this issue. Maybe their first child's a daughter?

**M.Kasshoku:** Yes, he's trapped.

**Swirly: **Yes, that personal ad is from Red aka Kenshin. They did make a promise to duel back in Issue 21 after the decoy incident. More on that duel coming up.

The showdown between Okita and Kenshin! Tetsu seeks Umeko's advice once again. And someone's been a bad boy in Shimabara.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 26_

_Moonlit Mystery at Kyoto Tower_

Authorities were puzzled by reports of a duel by moonlight at Kyoto Tower late last night. Massive sword damage was found on the building but there was no sign of the swordsmen. As such, Kyoto Tower will be closed for renovations. Eyewitness reports describe the combatants as two relatively slight men, or women, one of whom has blood-red hair.

In an unrelated incident, Captain Okita Souji was the victim of what is suspected to be an attack although the leader of the first patrol insisted he had simply tripped and fallen. After excusing himself from his patrol to relieve himself, he failed to return. His patrol-mates later found him bloodied and semi-conscious in the bamboo forest behind Kyoto Tower. He murmured something about "the best duel in a long while".

Shinsengumi Vice-Chief Hijikata Toshizou has stated that the captain will be removed from active duty until he recovers. The We-Luv-Okita-sama club sends their wishes and prayers for Okita's speedy recovery.

In an unrelated incident, Ichimura Tetsunosuke, page to Shinsengumi Vice-chief Hijikata, was rescued by the same patrol near where Okita was found. The young man was found out cold in a pit that had been dug along the path leading to the tower. _Who dug the pit?_ No one knows.

* * *

_Late Night Brawl at Sake Shack!_

2nd Captain Nagakura Shinpachi faced off the serial killer Battousai outside the Sake Shack after closing hours on last night. Shack owner Nagi reports that the duo crossed swords for a full five minutes before the Miburou took sick from his earlier sake binge. Battousai declared the match a stalemate and fled into the night, stating he had an appointment with a friend to keep.

Nagakura's large companion, Captain Harada was too soused to even stand. It was understood that both men have spent their after-patrol breaks drowning their sorrows at the bar ever since their former comrade Toudou Heisuke defected. Shinsengumi Chief Kondo has since ruled that all after-patrol breaks are to be spent in the barracks. Sake Shack owner Nagi was quoted as saying, "Good Buddha! How am I to keep the place going now?"

* * *

_Shimabara First! _Trouble Customer Banned

In an unprecedented move, several Shimabara teahouses banned a customer for reasons other than bad credit. The customer was known for his wild parties and being very generous with the tips. He is rumored to be heir to a vast fortune, with close ties to the late Choushu leader, Yoshida. _We hereby clarify that there is NO way anyone closely associated with our respected Master Yoshida would behave in the manner this young man conducted himself._

"He seemed a decent guy, very generous… then he had some real freaky requests. I mean, those cats!" Hana, a waitress, was quoted. "Then he introduced us to his 'friend'. Yikes! I'm going to have nightmares for weeks! My good friend is very badly shaken. Her shamisen-playing is all off since then." Then she excuses herself to attend to a former Shinsengumi captain.

The teahouse owner speaks: "We in this profession have to deal with kinkiness… but this white-haired bastard takes the cake! Kami! Even my experienced girls are not up to his requests. I suggest he take his tastes to those Hiroshima brothels that he inherited from his equally perverted old man. However, we still welcome Itou-san and his other friends. Just don't bring any black cats or skulls. My girls cannot take any more of those."

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen:_

I have to make some arrangements with Kitsu-dono in expectation of a funeral. Don't ask.

_Dear Umeko, _

_I suspect my page, K, is on much closer terms than he should be with another young man. What is the proper way of going about this? I fear for his safety as this man is a bloodthirsty wolf. For crying out loud! He's Okita Souji! And I am a Choushu Ishin leader! My page has gone missing for a while…_

_- Worried _

Dear Worrywart,

Don't worry. Okita's a nice guy off-duty and don't come back with the _"you have bad taste in men"_ rebuke. Seriously, do you want to discipline Kenni for taking some poor orphans to watch a puppet show with a Miburou? And you should be aware that Kenni is fully capable of taking care of himself in a fight. If it is any comfort to you, the lads have made an appointment to duel in the samurai tradition.

Umeko

_Dear Umeko,_

_I have this friend… I think he's been hanging out with a person who has some links to a certain anti-Shogunate group. I'm so confused! My friend is having a very bad cough, but I think he's gonna challenge this Battousai ALONE! Should I arrange for backup, and risk my friend's wrath? Anyhow, when I asked my boss, he simply ordered me to stop spouting nonsense or be prepared to be disciplined! (Discipline in his words mean execution). Is this my other, former friend's ploy to get at me? Man! I'm not making sense at all, am I?_

_- Iron Boy_

Dear Iron Boy,

Yes, you've lost me towards the end. But relax a bit. If you're really concerned, follow your friend just in case. If your friend's a true samurai, he'll not be too pleased if you interfere in his duel. NEVER antagonize Hijikata Toshizou if you want to keep your head.

Yours, Umeko

* * *

WANTED!

Cook for Shinsengumi! Strict background checks will be carried out. Shinpachi's cooking stinks! Maybe that's why Heisuke and the others defected…

_(Shinpachi: Hey! My cooking isn't THAT bad!)

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

Hei-kun, want you back with us. The trio's just not the same without you. Please, we still want you as our friend.

Shinpattsan and Sano (_Tetsu… wouldn't Hijikata have us seppuku-ed for this?_ Sano, you want him back, dontcha?)

* * *

Missing Person:

My page, Himura Kenni, has gone missing. He is a redhead aged about 17. He is slight-built and a skilled swordsman. Please contact me c/o this paper.

_Reply: _

_Kenni can be found at Kitsu-dono's place. Rest assured he is alive. He just took a bit too much sake and tumbled off a bridge the other night. _

_-- Sagara Souzou

* * *

_

Apology:

Sou, sorry about having to leave you behind at the forest. The two young ones who were to help Sagara with the cart went AWOL after being spooked by some fireflies. We needed to leave when your pack mates came around. Another thing, Sagara just informed me that his two charges 'trapped' one of your guys in a wolf-trap that night. Thank goodness they left out the stakes. - Kenni

* * *

EDITORIAL NOTICE

We will be moving to new offices in downtown Kyoto to expand our output. The printing press in our Umeya offices cannot cope with the increasing demand. We plead for your understanding of any delay in publication.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Okita vs Battousai. Draw. And that little match outside the Sake Shack. It was mentioned in the RK manga that Kenshin took on the top three wolves (Okita, Nagakura and Saitou) and all the matches ended in a draw.

Sagara acting as referee for a match? Maybe he's just in charge of getting the morgue cart. Poor Tetsu. Imagine getting into a booby trap set by two brats, Sano and Katsu. Er, never leave a pair of hyper-imaginative ten-year-olds with a morgue cart in a dark creepy forest.


	28. Issue 27

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**Maeko-Nohara: **Ah, the morgue cart mystery will be solved. And Kenshin's a real decent boy even back then. I mean, putting up with Umeko throwing kitchenware at him, doing laundry and cooking… and helping out at the local orphanage. Yes, Sano and Katsu are very silly but they do give the adults a hard time. And the wolf-pit was their handiwork. I don't think I will write Okita's death, the Choushu editors already gave the poor boy a premature obituary in Issue 18 ne.

**M.Kasshoku:** The two little demons will mature with age.

**Sailor-Earth13: **The happy couple should be back from their honeymoon in Aizu. I intend to stop around Ryouma's assassination. The Choushu Wars are officially over by this issue with the shogun abdicating. However, this is only the moment of calm in the storm before someone's murder, Toba Fushimi and the Boshin War.

Notice: The companion fic is ended and so will this fic after a few more issues. However, I am thinking of doing a Umeko's Kitchen LIVE insanity fic. Any suggestions for special guests from the cast of PMK and RK or even OCs from the fics? Do drop me a line. It will most likely be in the RK segment.

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 27_

EDITOR'S NOTICE

We apologize for the long delay in churning out this issue. We have been plagued by a string of disasters. First someone sabotaged the presses at our new location. Then when we got them replaced, we got a case of arson at the new offices. Witnesses reported seeing a tall, amber-eyed man in black with prayer beads leaving the scene. We wonder at the incompetence of our peacekeepers to allow such wanton acts of vandalism and arson.

We finally decided to resume our operations at our previous operating location. Someone tried to sabotage our presses again last night but was chased off by our night watchman. Arigato for the trouble. We know you were very tired having just rushed into Kyoto ahead of your master with the great news.

* * *

LONG LIVE THE EMPEROR!

Shogun Abdicates!

Tokugawa Yoshinobu has formally abdicated and restored power to the imperial court. The simple ceremony took place dignifiedly in the picturesque grand hall of Nijo Castle. This heralded a new era in our nation's history. It will be an era of bright futures and freedom from Tokugawa oppression.

Celebrations were reported in the Choushu and Satsuma domains with fireworks and merry-making in the streets. The Aizu area reported riots and violent protests with many dead. The dead were rumored to include former military advisor to the Shinsengumi, Itou Kashitaro and an unnamed former Shinsengumi Captain.

Local restaurant Umeya invites all of Kyoto to sample their new Imperial Box candies launched in honor of this joyous occasion. Okita, a free box will be sent to a regular customer like you. A friend of yours insisted on it despite having just rushed into town.

* * *

Editorial Special: Towards a New Japan

Entrepreneur and potential statesman Sakamoto Ryouma gave a stirring speech at his residence in Kameyama Hills last week. We bring to you excerpts from his speech below from our reporter in Nagasaki.

_Japan is an island nation, as such, we are sorely lacking in our perspective on the world. We were trapped by our feudal system as other nations like Holland, England and America moved into the modern age of democracy and freedom. We need to change! No more will we allow our society to stagnate. We will move towards a new Japan._

_In this new era, there will be no samurai or commoner, because all men are equal! No more will we allow the Tokugawa to dictate our lives. We will not stand for it! I dream of a nation without class, racial or religious prejudices. Come let our nation progress…_

The rest of his words were sadly drowned out by a chorus of wolf-whistles when his assistant-cum-bodyguard arrived with the refreshments trolley. Man, she's a stunner! _(Wolf-whistle)

* * *

_

_Notice of Condolences_

We of the Women's Association of Japan will like to express our condolences to a member, Tokio, over the loss of her unborn child after she was knocked over by her husband when he tried to creep into their matrimonial home in the dead of the night. We can only shake our heads and wonder what type of man will leave his wife at such a crucial time and sneak out for dubious purposes.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

I don't believe it! I ask them to take a photo together and Sagara starts screeching about not wanting to have his soul stolen. He broke the camera-thing Sakamoto gave me on his dash out so Okita and Kenni can't have their photos taken now. Hope Sagara remembers to come back and pick up his men's rations.

_Dear Umeko,_

_My father grounded me and is threatening to disown me! I have a crush on this distant cousin of mine. We even had a few nights in the futon in the Boys' Teahouse (good times…) I sent several love letters to him and was glad when I received a reply. I thought he felt the same about me. Then I learnt that my no-good sister had passed the letters to my crush's twice-divorced shrew of a sister! Help! Now my father wants me to settle down with the shrew! She's a total shrew (the complete opposite of my said crush) and I wouldn't be able to visit those pretty boys at the Boys' Teahouse or the girls of Shimabara!_

_- Young lord (I need my sake)_

Your lordship,

Now I know why Okita's in such a good mood. From what I've gathered, Okita does not work in any teahouse. You must have made a mistake somewhere. Maybe you had too much sake in Shimabara and mistook someone else for Okita. Count your blessings Demon Hijikata didn't zan you. Also have several other persons who want to do you in for harassing their Okita-sama. And did I mention a very disgusted hitokiri? _(Kenni, where did you learn of such things?)_

Wishing you conjugal bliss, Umeko

_Umeko,_

_I AM desperate! Some crazy morgue-keeper keeps pestering me over a regrettable incident back in Tama! If I zan her, I'll upset my special someone! He's still very upset about that seppuku incident… In short, tell that Kitsu-nut to stop putting notices up about our place asking about her son and foster-daughter._

_- Boss_

Oh dear, you did _accidentally _stab her son back in that brawl outside a Tama pleasure house. And the boy, Kojiro, was just quietly minding his own business practicing his kunai-work. And your lack of judgment _did_ get poor Ayumu-chan killed.

Must stop Sou-chan from drinking too much sake. His cough sounds real bad. What, Kenni? He hasn't touched the sake? Hey! Kenni! Call the doctor, pronto! _Just how badly did you cut each other up those months ago?_ Tetsu-chan! Get that pig out of the sweets!

* * *

Advertisement: 

_Usui Psychic Services!_ Do not be fooled by that Fujita fraud who cannot even tell his missus was waiting for his return from a night-long sake binge behind the door with her naginata. Contact Usui at the corner print shop.

* * *

Personal Notice: 

Iron Boy. Glad you showed up the last time. Want to continue our discussion from then. Ask Nami of Umeya for directions to my place. DON'T ask Umeko-san. - Sakamoto Ryouma

P.S. Are you interested in joining me as we set sail on a great adventure? I am thinking of getting a group of men and sailing to America to see the modern world.

* * *

_Obituary for our former captain Toudou Heisuke from the Shinsengumi eighth partol_

We heard rumors you got on the wrong end of _someone's_ sword but it ain't official yet. If it is true that you are not gonna be treating us at Shimabara anymore… rest in peace and _don't say we didn't warn you._

P.S. Your two best buddies are real cut up by the rumors. They've been trying to find Saitou to thrash things out… but Saitou has not been spotted about the compound yet. _At least they had the sense not to confront you-know-who.

* * *

_

Ad: House for Rent/ Sale

Spacious house with pleasant surroundings. Only flaw is that bloodstain on the wall after I Gatotsu-ed the former occupant. Gomen, my men did try to wash it out… I'll get them seppuku-ed for that.

Contact the Wolf c/o Aizu Postmaster

* * *

Personal Ad: 

Sagara! What was my morgue cart doing in the river? Do you want me to quit treating you and your men? – Kitsu

* * *

_Employment Opportunity_

_URGENT! Need a make-up artist for costume party. Ability to dye hair red and lighten skin a must. Apply to Black Cat Mansion.

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:**

(Historical Fact) In October 1867, in the Grand Hall of Nijo Castle, Tokugawa Yoshinobu, the last shogun, announced his abdication and restoration of power to the imperial court.

I figured Hijikata will not want Itou and gang to be running around too long. Yes, it may be a little premature… but I want Saitou back with the wolves. And now we know where Sagara Sanosuke got his techno-phobia. A photo of Kenshin, Okita and Sagara?

And poor Ryouma gets upstaged by his bodyguard during his speech. He should have listened to her suggestion that she stays out of sight.


	29. Issue 28

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Apologies about the delay. PC technical problems... Ah well...

**M.Kasshoku: **Glad you like my portrayal of Saitou. Poor guy is almost in his RK form by now. I liked the PMK Saitou's unruffled-ness. But I also like the RK Saitou's bad-ass cop attitude. Tokio's reasons for marrying him may be revealed later or in another fic.

**Maeko:** Shimabara is after all the red-light district of Kyoto where the men of the Shinsengumi and other paramilitary group go for Rest and Recreation. I did say I'll stop the paper about Ryouma's assassination (PMK Vol 4), although volume 5 is slated to come out soon. All events in the Japan Bulletin and this fic are based on that. Keep hearing rumors about Tetsu getting seppuku-ed and not making it into the Meiji era… but he was still alive in PMK vol 4. I let him marry Saya. Saya in the Meiji era is not working in a teahouse. She is decently married and her husband's assistant.

**Lolo:** Hi, nice of you to join us. I know a lot of readers haven't read the PMK manga, but I hope there aren't too many spoilers. BTW, some of the incidents are pure fiction.

WAH! Ryouma's… Ryouma's…

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 28_

SHOCKING MURDERS

The whole of Kyoto is shocked by the brutal murders of up-and-coming politician Sakamoto Ryouma and his secretary Nakaoka Shintaro. It was understood that Sakamoto was slated to speak at a local Choushu leader's place but had taken ill with a cold. Witnesses reported a red-haired youth and a large man leaving the premises shortly before the murders were discovered.

The bodies were discovered by local restaurant owner, Umeko-san, when she arrived with a home delivery of soup. Had she been earlier, she would have run into the killers. She was believed to have been saved by her appalling sense of direction. _(She had lost her way at the crossroads and needed to be escorted by a Good Samaritan to Sakamoto's place.) _

Umeko is in a profound state of shock and keeps insisting that a blond female should be brought in for questioning over the deaths. However, a search of the premises failed to reveal any person matching that description.

We the staff of New Kyoto Post mourn the passing of a fine but eccentric man who has contributed much to our nation's future. Kyoto citizens remember Sakamoto Ryouma as a fitness enthusiast and who was often seen running through the streets. Sakamoto is survived by his widow in Edo.

* * *

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Weather's rotten this month. Cold and rain. Hope my brother and his page find some shelter if they intend to spend the night out. Sagara-san dropped by for some yams for his men. The imps helping him move the sacks helped themselves to the soup in the kitchen. Not that I begrudge the poor things a bit of wholesome soup.

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_Me and me friend are orphans. We got this nice niisan as our guardian but I think he favors Sano. But Sano's all brawn and no brain. Today he tried to deface the Shinsengumi's place even after taicho said we are not to cause trouble in town._

_-- Tsunan_

Dear Tsunan-kun,

You sound worried about losing your guardian's favor. Rest assured that he believes in equality. It's just that Sano has a higher propensity for trouble. Maybe we can consider helping him keep an eye on Sano, like stopping him from vandalizing the Shinsengumi's premises?

Yours, Umeko

_Dear Umeko-san,_

_I am the heir to a dojo in Edo. However, I wish to use kenjutsu not as a method of killing but a way of helping others. I sincerely believe that kendo should be used to help people and not to kill. I want to leave my little Kaoru that as a legacy for future generations. Am I being an idealist?_

_-- Kamiya_

Dear Kamiya-san,

I like your way of thinking personally. Reminds me of my friend Sakamoto who's looking for a PEACEMAKER. However, being a total novice at kendo, I referred your letter to a master swordsman who just dropped by for takeaway. He gives the following advice.

"_I have met many idealists. As my master puts it, the sword is a weapon of murder and kenjutsu a method of murder. However, I am an idealist myself. I fully support your vision of creating a sword style that does not take life. That will be a suitable legacy to leave your children. Maybe we two idealists can meet up some time…"_

Well, he may drop by at your place after he finishes his contract as a bodyguard here. Do not be too alarmed. Best of luck with your dojo.

Yours, Umeko

Sayonara for now… I am going to send some hot, wholesome soup to my dear friend Ryouma as he is suffering from a cold. I'm sure that blond bimbo living with him can't cook any decent food. Thanks for offering to escort me, Kenni, but I think I can find my way there.

_(Nami: Ken-san, give her five minutes before you go out after her. Your soup will be ready shortly.)

* * *

_

Personal Ad:

To Gein. Quit raiding my morgue for body parts for your sick experiments! I am NOT interested in creating life-like dolls or weapon dolls! Have some bloody respect for the dead for crying out loud! If I outlive you, I'll dance on your grave, after Hijikata's, of course.

Kitsune

And Hijikata's a slimy bastard! You cheat on every girl you know. What's worse, you do it with a man! I consider it my profound misfortune to know you. I must have accumulated loads of bad karma from several lifetimes…

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

(Historical Fact) November 1867, Ryouma and his comrade-in-arms, Nakaoka Shintaro, were assassinated at the former's hideout in Kyoto.

Tsunan's maturing. Kamiya Kaoru's father is developing the Kamiya Kassim style. Got the idea Battousai knew the man. Himura was aware Gohei was a former student at Kamiya dojo. About Akesato/ Sara, her fate is unknown at this moment. In the manga, she was at the scene of the murders but her body was moved elsewhere on someone's orders.

This fic and its companion are accurate as of PMK vol 4. Haven't got my grubby wittle paws on vol 5 yet. If Suzu, Tetsu and Saya DO get killed or somewhat, remember that New Kyoto Post and the Japan Bulletin are FANFICs! About Umeko, she'll be the host of my upcoming, still-in-the-works fic. Sake Shack.


	30. Issue 29

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

**lolo:** Yes, Umeko likes Ryouma a lot. I was asked the question about Umeko's psychic powers in the _Japan Bulletin._ I have answered it in the fic. Umeko had a near-death experience after falling into a river while looking for her Ryouma's grave. Somehow, she got her ability about then.

**Maeko:** Ryouma DID get assassinated. I also a bit hazy about what's going on in the Choushu camp etc. The Choushu and Satsuma guys are anti-bakufu and anti-each other, until Ryouma got them to sign a peace treaty. OF course, the Shogunate supporters aren't gonna take things lying down... Get volumes 3 and 4 and find out, I don't wanna do too many spoilers... Except PMK Ryouma was killed b'cos of his attempt to get the Ichimuras away from the Shinsengumi by a former Choushu page.

**Kurohi:** Got the Mandarin version from my neighborhood corner newsstand. By the way, I live in SEA. Dunno how things are on your side of the world...

Relax. I have NO intention of killing off Tetsu, Suzu or Saya... In fact those rumors about Tetsu getting seppuku-ed freaked me out. Still waiting for vol 5 to be released. (Twiddles thumbs)

* * *

_New Kyoto Post_

_Working for a Brighter Future!_

_Issue 29_

NOTICE FROM THE EDITOR

FINAL ISSUE! We of New Kyoto Post regret that recent developments had rendered it impossible to deliver our papers to you. Our delivery personnel can't make it through the predicted cannon and musket-fire this season. As such, we will cease publication with this issue. Welcome to the new era of peace and prosperity (sweat-drop).

Nami, secretary to Umeko

P.S. To the young, dreamy captain with the two tag-along brats, watch out. I and the gals overheard a rather sinister conversation between your boss and another Choushu guy. _You and your men are expandable._ Don't go losing your head over the tax-free future promises. Two things are certain in life: _taxes and death._ Get my drift?

* * *

NOTICE!

Our leader Sakamoto-sama's wake will be held at Toba Fushimi. Everyone coming to pay their last respects is come in full regalia. Bring the goods! To the worm who had the nerve to murder our beloved leader, Sakamoto-sama. We WILL hunt you down and make you and your kind suffer! We swear upon our honor! Got a nice bonfire waiting for you…

Sakamoto's supporters

* * *

Obituary

Skilled shamisen master and Choushu military advisor, Sensei Takasugi Shinsaku, has passed away peacefully on a battlefield outside Kyoto's outer city limits from a chronic illness. We mourn the passing of a great man and acknowledge his many contributions to society. Sensei Takasugi was a remarkable poet, musician and above all, a military strategist. He has previously led a military uprising in the December after the Ikeda-ya incident. Unfortunately, it was a disastrous defeat.

His students are ready with their instruments to dedicate their victory song to their late sensei. Hopefully, under Saigo-san and Katsura's instruction, it will be a victory song.

* * *

_Okita Ill with TB_

Sources have confirmed that Okita Souji is ill with tuberculosis. His fan club was seen having a bonfire outside the city limits. Club members were seen hastily burning so-called gifts they had received from their idol, like his discarded candy boxes and stained handkerchiefs.

We remind everyone that TB is highly contagious. _(Kenni, you better go for a check-up at Kitsu-dono's. You were very close friends with Sou, right?)

* * *

_

Shinsengumi Third Captain Back?

Saitou Hajime, formerly Third Captain of the Shinsengumi, was seen back at the Shinsengumi premises after his defection with Itou several months ago. Chief Kondo announced that he is to resume his previous post and duties without facing any disciplinary action. Saitou's former patrol was under the command of Second Captain Nagakura since his defection.

_(Nagakura: Yes! Finally, a break! No more japes from Saitou's ahous about my height!)_

However, according to the Vice-chief Hijikata, Captain Nagakura will be commanding his own patrol as well as the First Patrol due to Captain Okita's illness.

_(Nagakura: WHAT? I'm already over-worked! Faint…)

* * *

_

_Umeko's Kitchen_

Umeko is very distraught by what happened to a very close friend of hers. She is going about town with a naginata and attacking redhead youths and tall large men. Eek!

"Umeko-san! I'm Himura! I was with you then!" _(Runs for safety)_ "Ne, I don't want to draw my sword on you! Katsura-san's asking if you saw anything useful there where Sakamoto-san was…"

_(Umeko collapses in tears)_

Nami: Nice going, Battousai… Now she's gonna be wailing for the next three hours. Shouldn't you be running off to attend a wake or something?

* * *

Advertisement

Long Live the Emperor! We need cannons, rifles, swords and other weaponry in near future for battle, I mean, re-enacting battles. Weapons must be fully functional. We also need skilled seamstresses to tailor banners. Contact us Kyoto History Society c/o this paper.

* * *

_Notice:_

To Shishio. We regret that we cannot agree to your terms. Kindly stop threatening to release our confidential client information or things will get very hot for you…_ Seriously…

* * *

_

_Personal Ad:_

Everyone! My page is not responsible. He was at Umeya at that time picking up some soup takeaway for Sensei Takasugi. He actually escorted her to Sakamoto's door after finding her wandering about the riverside lost, as usual. Ryouma's followers, quit trying to challenge him. He's already in a foul mood from the bad news and is liable to draw his sword on you.

– Katsura

* * *

Personal Ad: 

Kenni! I can vouch for Tetsu-kun. He was with me and Saizou the whole day. He's been very upset about what happened. He keeps babbling something about Ryouma promising to tell him about some Peacemaker thing… _Tetsu! Have you been hanging around with that person? (Scary Demon Okita mode)_

_Cough-cough-cough…_

(Tetsu: Sorry, Okita-san!)

* * *

Personal Ad: 

Sou (if you're reading), I finally figured out how sick you are when I learnt that Sensei Takasugi is ill with TB and NOT a bad cough like you guys insist. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I should never have dueled with you! It is downright dishonorable to duel with a very sick man! Kitsu-dono recommended a nice hospital in Edo for Sensei Takasugi. The name is Edo TB Hospital. PLEASE admit yourself. DON'T make me put you in there!

P.S. I just got a clean bill of health from Kitsu-dono. So have all your Umeya fangirls. I don't know about your Hijikata-san or your fellow wolves though. What did your official doctor say?

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Advertisement

Ex-hitokiri wants a skilled smith to forge special sword. Contact Himura c/o this paper.

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Advertisement

Hitokiri wants special killing sword. Will pay handsomely once my masters see things my way and agree to my terms. Contact SM at the corner print shop.

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Paid Ad:

Hey, Fire-breath, do this job for me and I'll talk Aoshi-boy into letting you on the team. Help me remove a certain rival establishment, the one with the Sakura Box candies and purple parasols. The occupants will be away at a wake this evening according to my very reliable sources. _Especially that red-haired guard._

Grandpa O.

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_Urgent Message from Neighborhood Psychic Emiko_

Got this from a guy who forgot to leave his name. But I believe you folks will know him.

_Friends and comrades. Sorry for going off like that. I leave the future of our nation in your capable hands. By the way, Iron Boy and Kenni are not responsible for what happened at my old dump. It is that what's-his-name … Hey, has anyone seen Sara? I hope she's okay… Umeko, don't cry for me. Your bro needs you to help manage his men's meals and board.

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_

**Author's Notes:**

Yes, it's the start of the end for the Shinsengumi and the bakufu. Takasugi died in1867. Don't know if it were in battle. I got the idea from the RK OVA where we see him falling off his horse after coughing up blood. Talk about dramatic.

(Historical Fact) Shortly thereafter in January 1868, the Boshin War (War of the Year of the Dragon) started with the Battle of Toba Fushimi in which an army led by forces from Choushu and Satsuma defeated the ex-shogun's army and forced the Emperor to strip the last shogun Yoshinobu of all power. Okita died of TB after he went into an Edo hospital in 1868. The war ended in early 1869 with the siege of Hakodate, Hokkaido. The defeat of the armies of the former shogun (led by Hijikata Toshizou) marked the end of the Meiji Restoration; all defiance to the emperor and his rule ended. Hijikata died in battle. Nagakura and Saitou were known to have survived the Restoration.

I HATE history research, but heck, this ficcie was fun! (I covered until the PMK vol 4 and RK OVA's Toba Fushimi)


End file.
